How do I forgive myself?
Question:
Brother,
I am in my later years and obeyed the gospel nearly forty years ago. I have been in the church of Christ all this time. I have filled in preaching and teaching in my local congregation at many levels. I have been going to other countries for about fifteen years to preach, teach, and plant new churches.
It seems I am in a bit of a quandary. And desperate. I sometimes go to your site and read the material.
I have an important question to ask and hope to gain some insight from you. I have sins from my past (many years ago, some after I obeyed the gospel) that still haunt me. I have asked God over and over to forgive me. I believe God forgives when repentance is genuine, and I do believe my repentance has been genuine!
I do not seem to forgive myself, though. It seriously drags me down, affects my relationship with others at times, and remains a constant and nagging thought tugging at me on many levels.
Can you help me, once and for all, learn to forgive myself and stop the lies Satan seems to bring forth in my heart and thoughts?
I would be grateful for your thoughts.
Answer:
"Forgiveness" means releasing a debt. So, what debt do you owe yourself? Are you saying that you should have been perfect and never sinned? This would be a nice thought, but it is impractical since we all sin (Romans 3:23; I John 1:8,10). To claim to be without sin would be a sin. This doesn't mean we excuse your sins. There is a reason you need God to save you.
You say you accept God's forgiveness, but you don't act like it. It sounds as if pride prevents you from admitting how weak you are, which gets in the way of truly being thankful for God's rich mercy.
"I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has strengthened me, because He considered me faithful, putting me into service, even though I was formerly a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent aggressor. Yet I was shown mercy because I acted ignorantly in unbelief; and the grace of our Lord was more than abundant, with the faith and love which are found in Christ Jesus. It is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost of all. Yet for this reason I found mercy, so that in me as the foremost, Jesus Christ might demonstrate His perfect patience as an example for those who would believe in Him for eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen" (I Timothy 1:12-17).
