Holding Grudges

by Terry Wane Benton

Have you ever noticed how miserable some people are? Sometimes it is caused by being long on memory and imagination and short on love and forgiveness. In fact, most of the time that is the case. If a person chooses to remember every unkind or thoughtless word or deed, whether real or imagined, that person will be miserable. Either confront the issue head-on (Matthew 18:15f) or forget it. If it is not worth confronting in the manner Jesus instructed, then it is not worth holding to one’s own misery. Forgiveness is also one of the great medicines, and it does us a big favor. The other person is likely oblivious to the issue.

To harbor grudges, to cultivate malice toward others, to refuse to forgive, is going to hurt us far more than the one toward whom our ill feelings have been directed. Here are a few helpful ways to deal with ill feelings:

• Spend time daily confronting your own weaknesses before the Lord and listen to Him through the Bible in daily reading and meditation. You will see your own weaknesses more clearly. This will often soften the way you look at others.
• Pray to God for your forgiveness when you look at what your sins did to Jesus in nailing Him to the cross. Yes, you were there in attitude and in sinfulness.
• Realize what it cost God to forgive you  (Matthew 18:21-35).
• Realize how costly it is to have an unforgiving spirit when you are forgiven so much.
• Leave vengeance in God’s hands. He will repay what needs repaying. You don’t get to handle that.

Talk to God about this burden you are carrying. But listen to what His word is telling you to do about it. A grudge is bitterness, and it will destroy you and your potential for good now and forever. That is a high price to pay for something you can control through Christ, who strengthens (Philippians 4:13).