When Wisdom Walks Away
by Cleve Stafford
There’s a certain kind of argument that never ends well. No matter how calmly you speak, how clear your reasoning is, or how sincere your intentions are, the other person will not act accordingly. Proverbs 29:9 lays it out plainly: “If a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet.” That verse is not just a warning; it pretty much paints a picture we have all seen before.
Maybe it was during a family dinner, a church business meeting that turned tense, or just scrolling through an online comment section. You try to offer something meaningful, something grounded in undeniable truth, and instead of a thoughtful response, you get mockery or explosive emotion meant to elicit a negative response from you. There’s no peace in it, and no chance of a resolution – there is just noise. Proverbs 29:9 doesn’t say the wise man wins the argument, but rather that he gets drawn into a mess he can’t fix. There is pure rage, laughter, but no actual, active listening—there is just noise.
Imagine the following: you’ve got a person trying to reason, probably measured in tone and hopeful for resolution through clarity. Across from him is someone who either blows up in anger or just mocks the whole conversation. This person is not interested in finding common ground. That’s what the fool does. Not because he’s unintelligent, but because he’s so hardened that he’s not looking for truth; he’s trying to win or dismiss. And he’s loud, not to be heard, but to drown out what he doesn’t want to face.
I think Solomon, through the Spirit, was doing more than giving us a warning. He was showing us the emotional toll of trying to force wisdom on someone who isn’t ready to receive it. He was giving us permission to walk away when there was no chance of resolving the differences. Jesus did this too, didn’t He? There were times when He answered the Pharisees, and there were also moments when He stayed silent, knowing that words would fall on stubbornly deaf ears. He didn’t chase every argument. He didn’t pour out pearls where He knew they’d be trampled. Matthew 7:6 says, “Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.”
Now, let me be perfectly clear: that’s not a license to give up on people. We’re called to be patient, kind, and to teach with gentleness. But it does mean we need discernment to decide when to continue and when to walk away. Not every argument is worth our energy, and not every conversation is fertile ground. I’ve had moments when I stayed too long in a debate. Not because I loved the person, but because I wanted to be right, or because I didn’t want to seem weak, or because I thought I could out-talk their resistance. But every time, I walked away feeling drained and discouraged.
The truth is, sometimes the most loving thing you can do is step back and pray. Let God work on the heart. Be ready to speak when the time is right, but wise enough to be quiet when it’s not. Yes, that is hard, but it’s also a combination of humility, courage, and wisdom, sprinkled with a generous helping of sugar. Paul told Timothy, “Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels” (II Timothy 2:23). That advice still holds true to this day and will do so till the end of time.
So next time you find yourself in one of those moments where everything you say is met with rage or ridicule, remember that your value doesn’t come from winning the argument. Your value is in your attitude, and remember, wisdom doesn’t need to shout to be right. Sometimes, wisdom just walks away, keeping the relationship intact. Wisdom knows that there will be a better time and patiently waits for that moment.
