How do I deal with all the rules?
Question:
First of all, you should know that I am only 12 years old.
My main dilemma is this: I love my parents very much, and they love me. But I also love God, and my parents often do things that I don't think would make God very happy. Don't worry! It's nothing illegal. I just do not believe that, as a Christian family, we should be doing those things. Sometimes when they do these things, I get pulled into doing it, too, and I really hate that because I know it breaks God's heart. I have already tried talking to them, but every time they either get irritated with me or they say that it's okay to do these things. So now I am stuck. I don't want to continue in the way I've been living, talking with my parents makes things worse, and I'm twelve, so it's not like I can abandon my family. What should I do? I'm desperate.
Another one of my problems is that lately, I've felt completely burdened by following every single rule exactly, such as only getting into the pool by the ladders and not putting my hands up on roller coasters. I know that following rules is important, and so I feel as though I have to be very strict with myself. But at the same time, the reason the Pharisees didn't believe in Jesus was because they focused too much on the rules, right?
My third question is about my parents again. There are some things that they do that I can easily avoid doing myself. But should I directly correct them? It is important to help others love God, but at the same time, wouldn't correcting them be kind of self-righteous and rude?
And so now you can see the storm that is going on inside my brain. But that's not all! I also have questions about what God really does want.
1. I know that saying, "Oh my God" is bad, but what about "Oh my gosh" and "Oh my goodness"? Also, I know that certain words are also bad (I won't name them), but what about things that replace them, such as "heck" and "darn"?
2. I'm pretty sure that God wants us to go to Church every Sunday, but what are we not allowed to do? I've heard about not working on the Lord's Day, but what exactly falls under the category of "working"? Also, can we go out of the house to do activities like swimming in a pool?
3. In Matthew 19:16-30, Jesus tells the rich man to give up his belongings. Is this passage to be taken literally? If so, how can a twelve-year-old follow that?
I have one final question that I think will be the easiest one for you. Is La Vista Church of Christ Catholic, Protestant, or Christian in general?
Thank you very much for your time, Sir. I think it is wonderful that you reach out a helping hand to those who need it. God bless you!
Answer:
Paul once pointed out that there are two ways to look at laws. "For the commandments, "You shall not commit adultery," "You shall not murder," "You shall not steal," "You shall not bear false witness," "You shall not covet," and if there is any other commandment, are all summed up in this saying, namely, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself" " (Romans 13:9). You can see the commands as a set of almost arbitrary "do not do this or that" or you can realize that the commands all have the same foundation. Loving your neighbor includes not harming your neighbor so, therefore, you don't murder, steal, lie in court, etc. because these actions harm other people.
Thus, your burdensome rules are similar. Each involves the safety of you and the people around you. You enter pools by ladders because you might not notice someone else in the water when you are jumping in. Keeping your hands in on a rollercoaster is to keep from snagging on a support beam and breaking your arm.
The Pharisees were notorious for their many rules, but don't make the mistake of thinking that these were God's rules. The Pharisees tended to impose man-made rules about rituals while ignoring spiritual laws that change a person's attitudes. See Introduction to Pharisaism for details.
One thing that is difficult to get across is that you can't make a person do what is right. You can encourage a person when he does what is right, you can scold a person when he does wrong, and, if you have the authority, you can punish a person who refuses to do what is right. But ultimately it comes down to the individual choosing whether to do what is right. Right now, you are a minor. Your parents are charged with your protection and your upbringing (and not the other way around). "Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you" (Hebrews 13:17).
Let's assume that your parents are doing something wrong. I have to say it is an assumption because you didn't provide an example, so I cannot determine if it is actually wrong or something you misunderstand. Your responsibility to God is to do what is right, regardless of what others say or do. Thus, if a parent tells you to lie about a matter, you simply always tell the truth. Notice that you can't force them to tell the truth. You can only do what you need to do. In doing what is right, you set an example for the rest of your family. Peter instructed wives to teach their husbands by their example and not by telling their husbands they were wrong. "In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior" (I Peter 3:1-2). Children can do the same thing for their parents. Directly correcting your parent doesn't show respect for their authority. Instead, you are putting yourself in charge of them.
In regard to profanity and other language matters, it helps to know why certain phrases are wrong. See Careful What You Say for details.
The Israelites were given a law that forbade them from working on the Sabbath day, which was also their day of worship. One of the reasons behind this law was that God freed them from slavery. Slaves never got days off, thus, God "forced" the Israelites to remember their freedom by taking a day off each week. However, those Sabbath rules were not carried over into Christianity. There is no law in the New Testament commanding Christians to not work on certain days. If your parents insist that you don't do anything on Sundays, then, out of respect for them, you obey them. While not fun, what they ask of you is not in violation of what God commanded. It is not required by God, but not playing one day is not a violation either.
Matthew 19:16-30 is often misunderstood. See The Rich Young Ruler.
The church here in La Vista is a group of Christians dedicated to following the New Testament. We are not a part of a denomination but there are many churches like us throughout the world. See We Are Simply Christians Without Being Members of Any Denomination. You Can Be Too!
Response:
Thank you very much for your time, sir. I will keep what you said in mind. This has been a relief for me. God bless you.
