Lesson #7

Train the Young Women to Be Kind (Titus 2:4-5)

by Jackie Harp

Our sole purpose for living is to serve and glorify God. At the close of our lives, He has promised an eternal life with Him, a life we strive for. In Luke 10:25, a lawyer asked this question of Jesus: "Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?" Christ answered, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself" (Luke 10:26-27). In reading this scripture, two questions come to mind: first, who is my neighbor? And second, what does love include? The first question will be answered for us if we read a little further in the tenth chapter of Luke, where Jesus relates the parable of the Good Samaritan. After reading this, we must conclude that our neighbor is anyone we come in contact with, whether it be a close Christian friend, a total stranger, or even one who might consider himself our enemy.

The answer to the second question, "What does love include?" will be found in I Corinthians 13:4-5:

"Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful."

Love is kind. If an attitude of kindness dwells in our hearts, we will not be boastful, arrogant, rude, irritable, or insistent in our way. Paul said in Ephesians 4:32, "... be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." We can see then that kindness must be a way of life for us as Christians if we are to be pleasing to God.

What Is Kindness?

Since kindness is to be a part of us, we must ask, "What is kindness?" Kindness can be a lot of things. It is a basic human need that should be present in every relationship in life. Kindness is compassionate, courteous, considerate, helpful, benevolent, and understanding. It is gentle, soothing, healing, and strengthening. Kindness is a positive thing. It can bring light into a dark day. It can heal broken hearts. It can win friends and open gates of opportunity that would never have been otherwise.

Kindness is part of the Christian's attire, for in Colossians 3:12, we read, "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, lowliness, meekness, and patience." It is one of the Christian graces. II Peter 1:7 says we are to add to our faith "godliness with brotherly affection.'' The King James Version says, "brotherly kindness.''

How to Be Kind

There are many ways to show this beautiful Christian quality. Proverbs 31:26 describes a worthy woman as having "in her tongue the law of kindness" (KJV). The Revised Standard reads, "The teaching of kindness is on her tongue." So kindness can be portrayed through choice words spoken at the right time.

Some situations will require more than words. Matthew 25:35-36 reads,

"For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me."

Also, look at I John 3:17, 18. "But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or speech, but in deed and in truth." So we see that many times, kindness requires doing.

On the other hand, there are times when anything more than an understanding smile or a soft touch would be out of place. So, very often, just taking the time to be there and listen to a friend with a problem can prove to be just what is needed. The scriptures teach this in Galatians 6:2: "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." However, we also need to realize that kindness does not always agree with someone, saying only what he wants to hear so feelings won't hurt. There are occasions when love will require us to talk with a brother concerning a fault, but it must be done in a spirit of meekness, which certainly would infer kindness. (Galatians 6:1) Jesus found it necessary to rebuke, but He did it in kindness to honest and sincere people. Human emotions are fragile and breakable. Unkindness can break spirits, and sometimes, all our efforts are not enough to restore a broken spirit. "Death and life are in the power of the tongue" (Proverbs 18:21).

Where to Be Kind

Now that we see how important kindness is, where should we take it? First of all, let's take it into our homes. There is no better place to begin than with those we love the most. Many times, even though contrary to God's will, unkindness is most prevalent here. Husbands are bitter, and so are wives. When things don't go right, they take it out on each other instead of strengthening one another. In Ephesians 5:33, Paul exhorts husbands to love their wives and wives to respect their husbands. To have respect for someone, we must love that person. We have already learned from I Corinthians 13 that ''Love is kind,'' so we see that to be pleasing to God, kindness must be prevalent in our relationship with our husbands. Misunderstandings, ill tempers, and divisions can't grow and dominate where kindness lives. This in no way means there won't be disagreements, but there is a right way to disagree. Raised voices and unkind words can only make the situation harder to overcome. We will readily agree that when the husband-wife relationship is as God would have it, there is nothing that Christians, with God's help, cannot conquer. However, when our homes are in turmoil, we will likely become ineffective in every other phase of our lives. The answer is kindness, for kindness is love.

Is kindness less critical when we are dealing with our children? Not so! We must remember that our children learn from our example. If they are subjected to unkindness as a regular pattern of life, then this is how they will be. We want them to be leaders who show kindness and compassion, especially to those who receive so little, but this must be learned. We cannot show them unkindness as they grow up and not expect them to return the same to us when they are older. We want our children to be well-behaved and obedient; however, kindness is not permissiveness. If parents have consistently dealt with their children, they will more readily respond to a kind firmness than a harsh command. We can say the same words in two different tones of voice and get opposite results. Our children deserve to be treated kindly. They have feelings and emotions just as adults do, which are important. I remember an incident I witnessed on one of our downtown streets- I had to bite my tongue. A mother and her child, probably about four years old, walked briskly. That is, the mother was walking; the child had to run to keep up. They came to a very high curb; the child stumbled and fell. The mother showed no concern for the child's welfare, only annoyance, and spoke harshly, "Get up, you clumsy idiot! You can't even walk right." How will this little child feel about himself if he continues to hear things like this? We have been in public places and heard mothers telling their children, "Shut up!" Mothers like these sound as if they hate their children.

The scripture in Proverbs 31:26 comes to mind again: "... on her tongue is the law of kindness" (KJV). Proverbs 31:28 says, "Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her." A worthy woman, a woman who pleases God, will take kindness into her home.

Next, we want to take kindness into our dealings with Christian brethren. In Galatians 6:10, we read, "So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all men, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.'' Let's look to God's word for examples. In Genesis 50, the Old Testament reveals that Joseph dealt kindly with his brethren. The brethren mentioned here were children of God and also were Joseph's literal brothers. We recall the story of how cruelly the brothers treated Joseph, binding him and selling him into Egyptian slavery. Many years later, he recognized them when they came to Egypt to buy food because of a famine in Canaan. He prepared a great feast for them and wept for joy as he forgave them.

The book of Ruth contains the beautiful story of Boaz and the kindness he showed to Ruth. He cared for her, instructed his workers to leave choice grain for her to glean, and later took her for his wife.

Now, moving to the New Testament, Acts 16 tells of Lydia, who invited Paul and Silas to stay at her home immediately after her conversion. In Acts 9:36, 39, we read of a disciple named Dorcas who was full of good works. We should often study these great examples of kindness.

Certainly, we will have our differences as Christians; even then, we can be kind. In Philippians 4:2-3, Paul spoke of two women in the congregation, Euodia and Syntyche, who apparently disagreed. We are to discuss our differences with kindness and consideration for one another. If we cannot get along with one another here on earth, how can we expect to live together in heaven? I know of a poster that was used to teach kindness to preschool children. On one side there was a huge fluffy ball of cotton with the words, "Kind words are like cotton, they're soft." On the other side was a picture of a rock with the words, "Harsh words are like rocks. They can hurt." How true this is. Misunderstandings and hatred among brethren are the work of Satan. We should hate Satan and sin, and not each other.

Also, we must associate kindness with our neighbors and those we want to win to Christ. We to let our lights shine in our little corners. Our neighbors need to know we are Christians, not because we have broadcast the fact, but because of the lives we live. Our neighbors may need help occasionally, and kindness is helpful. We can keep her children when necessary, take food when there is sickness in the home, show an interest in the accomplishments of her children, share household hints and ideas, be genuinely concerned for her and her family, and let her know it.

We should never have a "holier-than-thou" attitude. This was certainly not Christ's attitude. Nor should we be aghast at worldly things that may appear in our neighbor's life from time to time. Never, in any way, should we compromise truth. There is a way to handle the teaching of the truth to our friends and neighbors. Paul tells us how when he says, "But we were gentle among you, like a nurse taking care of her children" (I Thessalonians 2:7). Before we can teach others, we must first gain their confidence. What better way is there to do this than through acts of kindness?

There is yet another place we must take kindness in if we are to love our neighbor as we love ourselves, and that is to strangers. We read in Leviticus 19:34, "The stranger who sojourns with you shall be to you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself; for you were strangers in the land of Egypt." Paul said, ''As we have opportunity, let us do good to all men ..." (Galatians 6:10). Again, in Zechariah 7:9, 10, "... show kindness and mercy each to his brother: do not oppress the widow, the fatherless, the stranger (the RSV has "sojourner"), or the poor" (KJV). Matthew 25:35 says, "I was a stranger and ye took me in" (KJV, the RSV as "welcomed me"). Abraham led the way. Genesis 16:1-18 records how he entertained strangers and received a great blessing. Because of the society in which we live, opportunities of this kind are not as prevalent as they used to be, but they do present themselves from time to time, and we need to have our hearts prepared to extend kindness. If our eyes are open, we will see opportunities daily for displaying small acts of kindness: letting someone in a hurry go ahead of you in the shopping line, taking the time to help an elderly person find a particular grocery item, holding a heavy door for someone coming behind you, a cool drink of water for your mailman in the heat of the summer, or even just a ready smile. We find such an encouraging note in Hebrews 13:2, "Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares." Think about that!

Now, we come to the hard part. Are we to show kindness only to those who have shown it to us? Read Luke 6: 32, 36, and Matthew 5:43-46. Jesus told of a Samaritan who stopped to help an enemy when fellow Jews had passed by (Luke 10:30-37). Jesus Himself was the perfect example: He prayed in His anguish on the cross that the Father would forgive His enemies. The crowning thought is found in Romans 12:20-21 where we read, "No, if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals upon his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

The Application

How can we make a practical application of this lesson to our lives? How can we make an attitude of kindness consistently dwell within our hearts? Here are some suggestions:

1. Pray for service opportunities and that God will open your eyes to see ways to show kindness. He answers prayer, and you will have more opportunities than you can take advantage of.
2. Be alert to the needs of others, whether physical, emotional, or spiritual. Train yourself to constantly look for ways to serve.
3. Sometimes, it's easy to be so burdened with daily routines that we forget. Make yourself a "Daily Kindness Chart," and make sure you do at least one kind deed each day—something you don't ordinarily do. This is how habits are formed.
4. In our congregational situation, there are many ways we can show kindness.
   1. Mothers with young children need encouragement and perhaps a day out.
   2. Elderly people are alone and need to be necessary to someone. We can furnish transportation for them, invite them into our homes for fellowship, and call to see if their personal needs are being provided.
   3. Sickness provides many opportunities to show kindness: prayers, cards, visits, phone calls, food, child care, laundry and ironing, and house cleaning.
   4. New members need to be included. Fellowship integrates and makes people feel a part of things.
   5. Send cards and remembrances for no special occasion than to show someone you love and appreciate them.

There are other ways of showing kindness -- things you will think of yourself that will be even more meaningful.

We have to cultivate and work at kindness, but the dividends are great. We will experience growth in our own lives. We will truly find that our reward will be greater than the blessing for the one to whom the kindness was shown.

We close with the words of the poet, C. R. Gibson:

"I have wept in the night,
From the shortness of sight,
That to the needs of others made me blind.
But I never have yet
Had a cause to regret,
For being a little too kind!'

Questions

1. Who is my neighbor?
2. How do the Scriptures describe love?
3. Why is it important for kindness to be a part of me?
4. Describe in your own words what kindness is.
5. What does Proverbs 31:26 say about a worthy woman?
6. Read I John 3:17-18. Look closely at each part of this reference and explain the meaning.
7. True or False. Kindness means never saying anything that might hurt someone's feelings (Galatians 6:1).
8. Into what areas of life should we take kindness?
9. Contrary to God's will, unkindness is often most prevalent in our _______________________.
10. If kindness is prominent in my relationship with my husband, there is little room left for _______________________.
11. Where will a child learn to be kind or unkind?
12. How can we be kind and still not be permissive in our relationship with our children?
13. Name four biblical examples of God's people who showed kindness and discuss each situation.
14. Who is behind all unkindness and hatred?
15. In I Thessalonians 2:7, Paul says when teaching others, we ought to be ______________________.
16. Give ideas on applying I Thessalonians 2:7 in dealing with our neighbors.
17. Why should we show kindness to strangers?
18. What are some ways we can do this?
19. Who is our perfect example of showing love and kindness? Why?
20. Give practical ideas for making kindness a part of your life.
21. Who receives the greater blessing when one extends kindness?