sexting – La Vista Church of Christ

Do we need to break up because we sinned?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Tue, 15 Sep 2020 16:32:29 +0000

Question:

Hello,

My girlfriend and I, are both Christians. and we consider our relationship to be serious because our ultimate goal is to get married. We have been in the relationship for over 2 years, and everything was great as a Christian couple, but a few months ago we started indulging phone sex/sexting. We understand and know that it is sinful, and it is something that we have repented of and have made it right with God.

My questions are:

Despite putting boundaries, how can we ensure that we do not fall into this sin when we are tempted?
Does this mean that we need to break up, or we can be able to continue our relationship in a godly manner?
Does it mean that we cannot get married?

Answer:

I frequently hear from people who have sinned who seem to believe that they must punish themselves in some manner before they feel that they are truly forgiven. The core problem is that because they were involved in the sin, they are biased in regards to what needs to be done to rectify the situation and often are too harsh on themselves.

What you and your girlfriend did was wrong. It violates what Paul stated,

"But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints; and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know with certainty, that no immoral or impure person or covetous man, who is an idolater, has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them" (Ephesians 5:3-7).

You repented of your sins, which means you realize it was wrong, you have stopped committing the sin, and you are determined not to allow the sin to happen again. You've also asked God for the forgiveness of your sins. This is what God asked you to do. You don't need to add to His Word. There is no requirement that couples who have sinned must break up or not marry.

For now, sexual topics are off-limit because they will lead both of you into lust and immoral behavior. You are going to be tempted, but the simple answer to the temptation is "No. We aren't married yet."

If you find that the person you are dating is ignoring the boundaries and continually pushing the relationship into sin, then you need to stop and evaluate whether the person is someone you want to marry. Such a person is demonstrating a serious character flaw that will likely make your life miserable.

Is it a sin to have sex via Skype with your wife?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sun, 26 Jun 2016 01:22:00 +0000

Question:

Hi,

Is it a sin to have sex via Skype with your wife when you live far from each other?

Answer:

Technically, sex isn't taking place since the two of you are not together. What is taking place is that each is masturbating while watching and talking to the other person. Since this is between a husband and wife, it is not wrong. However, it should not be considered a substitution for sex. "Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control" (I Corinthians 7:1-5).

You should realize that anything broadcast through the Internet has the potential of being recorded. Private moments between a husband and wife should be kept private.

I got a young woman pregnant and I know I sinned horribly

Jeffrey Hamilton — Thu, 10 Mar 2016 02:18:00 +0000

Question:

This is going to take time and months to fully play out. I in no way want to come off as flippant or not realizing the magnitude. It is only for the sake of your time that I will be matter-of-fact and leave out the emotional turmoil and long history of my sin.

I'm in my thirties and contacted a female much younger than me off of a hookup app. I engaged in sexually abhorrent things via webchat. I met the female at a hotel in her hometown hours away. I engaged in debauchery and unprotected sex -- alcohol was involved. Sometime later she informed me she is pregnant. I knew her for all of eight hours of my life. She thinks it is her boyfriend's but the date span and something inside me tells me it's mine.

She does not know my real name, phone number, address, or anything. But I read I Timothy 5 and what it is to be worse than an infidel. She and her ex initially were going to abort and she is in no way stable enough to be a mother -- economically, emotionally, or spiritually. I could disappear but Jeffrey, as God is my witness, I do not want to be damned or abandon a child I may be the father of. What do I do? My actions are so grotesque and border on child abuse. God forgive me.

Answer:

I thought about your note over lunch. I can't figure out your motivations. That you were using an app to find a sexual partner tells me that you've been doing this for a while -- being involved in pornography and fornication. That she contacted you after the fact through this app also tells me that you are continuing to use it. That you were drunk also tells me that you have an alcohol problem and that this wasn't the first time you've been intoxicated. But you wrote to a preacher and know a passage most people don't take note of, so it tells me that you think of yourself as religious. I've seen this many times -- people lying to themselves that they can be worldly and a Christian at the same time.

But what puzzles me is that you aren't focused on your sins. It appears that it didn't really bother you until you found out you might have gotten her pregnant. You are concerned about your future responsibilities and how those might impact your entrance into heaven. Not that being concerned about them is wrong, it just strikes me as an odd combination. Ask yourself: If you had never heard from this girl after that night, would you be writing me in remorse? I suspect the honest answer is "no," and that should be very disturbing.

Let's start out with something you likely already know: "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). The statement "Do not be deceived" is important here. You, like too many others, have been lying to yourself that you can sin and somehow God will still let you in. If you want salvation, and I do want you to be saved, then you have to make some really drastic changes in your life because right now you are going in the wrong direction.

I know little about this girl. I can conclude that she's had sex with her boyfriend and other men. What I can't directly determine is why she wanted to have sex with a much older guy. There was something she thought she was gaining, but I don't know what. If she thought the baby was her boyfriend's why would she tell the guy she had sex with one night?

Sadly, I know some people who use the claim of pregnancy to manipulate people into giving money or entering into a marriage, etc. I can't rule out that possibility. You are responsible for your sinful actions, but I want you to first insist on a DNA test before you send her any money or sign your name on a future birth certificate. You don't know how many guys she has been having sex with.

For that same reason, you need to see your local doctor and get checked for STDs.

If this does turn out to be your child, then you will make arrangements to support the child. The arrangement needs to be done through the state's Health and Human Services Department and not directly with the mother. It provides a record that you are fulfilling your responsibilities, it keeps the mother from later claiming you never sent any money, and it keeps the mother accountable to someone. If for some reason the mother doesn't want the child or neglects the child, you will be the person they contact to take over raising the child.

Meanwhile, we are back to the original point: You need to radically change to become a righteous man. "For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter" (II Corinthians 7:10-11).

I recently discovered that my daughter is sexting with a boy

Jeffrey Hamilton — Wed, 28 Jan 2015 03:13:00 +0000

Question:

I am a Christian. I just found out that my daughter, who is also a Christian and almost 19 years old, is sexting. I found very sexually explicit emails between her and a boy who is supposed to be a Christian as well.

This happened a couple of years ago and the boy's parents found out about it. She confessed it to me and said she had repented of it. She and the boy broke up, but now they are back together (although she only tells her dad and me that they are "just friends".)

I found out all of this by reading her emails. My question is this: As a Christian should I tell her dad and then he and I sit her down and confront her with this? And, since we can't trust her to not find another avenue (other than her email) of doing this, should we take away her devices or change the password and only let her be online in a "public" area of the house when we can monitor it?

Answer:

I thought about this for a while and discarded several answers. The difficulty is very similar to dealing with an older teen who is into pornography. While limits can be placed, the problem is that a determined person can get around them. When I talk to teenage boys about pornography, I tell them upfront that neither I nor their parents can make them not sin. I can encourage them not to sin, I can show them ways to avoid sinning, but I can't keep them from pornography if they are determined. What we then do is discuss why pornography is wrong, the damage it can do, and why it is so alluring.

I see the same difficulty with your daughter. Any limits you place can be worked around if she is determined to do so. Email accounts can be changed. Access can be gained on library computers and other places. The focus ends up on physical access, but the true problem is a spiritual one.

The second problem is that there are two involved in this sin. Addressing one without the other person will leave one seducing the other into returning to sin, which is what it sounds like happened.

Yes, your husband needs to be told what you discovered and both of you need to talk to her about it. But I would like you to not approach it as laying down the law upon her. "And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will" (II Timothy 2:24-26). Your daughter doesn't realize or appreciate the depth of the trap she has fallen into. Clearly, she knows it is wrong, after all, she is hiding the extent of the relationship. But there are some questions that need to be explored:

Why is she doing what she knows is wrong?
Does she think it is harmless or safe?
Does she have any concerns about what this is doing to her boyfriend?
Does she lack self-respect that she thinks she has to sexually arouse a guy to keep him interested in her?

There are probably a dozen related questions that need to be answered, and I hope she will be open and honest with you. It is only when you know the "why" behind this sin will you be able to then formulate a response that can help her overcome it.

Since it has to be a two-prong approach. You also need to talk to the boy's parents about what you discovered. Again, not demanding that the relationship end or that he be punished, but to let them know that there is a problem which you will be addressing on your end and that you hope they will discuss with him on his end.

My long-time girlfriend told me she won’t be marrying me. What do I do?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Mon, 14 Jul 2014 02:29:00 +0000

Question:

Hello Sir,

I am 23. I met a girl about a year before we entered college. She was a believer, which was what attracted me to talk with her, as my dad was ungodly and my mom tried hard to bring me to Christ. Thus, I was never exposed to powerful messages or deeper knowledge about the Bible in the past. After talking to her, I started acquiring more knowledge about Christ, and it continued for about a year. We gradually started talking about other problems we had and other general issues. One day she told me that she loved me as a friend. Things didn't change much. We prayed together on the phone and went to church together. One day, we met after being separated for a long time. She came running to me and hugged me saying she missed me. From then, I started to feel maybe she was the one chosen for me.

We then started meeting in a lonely place and talked more. She usually lies on my shoulder. This progressed with me telling her on the phone, "Imagine that you are on my shoulder," when she was in troubled times. She started telling her secrets to me gradually. We were happy, went shopping together, and days went by. One day I asked her whether I can marry her. She said she was scared to commit and asked me to talk to her father once our studies were over. From then whenever we have little fights, she used to say I won't marry you if you continue to be like this.

After about one year, she was hugging me once again. I didn't know what happened. We kissed each other. We felt guilty about it and stopped talking about it for a while. We repented together in our prayers. But the desire progressed in both of us. We gradually started having sexual talks through the phone. After about three years, we started having Skype chats and gradually we started removing our clothes over Skype. We repented and felt guilty, but this happened about 8 or 9 times. Then we took a strong desire not to stay involved in such activities. We supported each other. There were no secrets between us. We both shared cards. We could both feel the love within us growing. I told her I loved her a thousand times, and she told me that she loves me equally. At times she asked me to marry her and I would say let us wait until our courses were over. By about fourth year, our friends came to know about us, and her parents too, that we were close. They were spiritual and told her, let Lord God give you the knowledge of choosing your spouse.

Things went smoothly until again we fell into sin by Skyping. This time we hated ourselves for doing this. We passed our final year with a joint effort, and our love continued to grow. She used to call me spineless as I used to be emotional at times. During our internship, we had 4-5 chances of being together during our duties at night, and yet again we sinned by getting partially naked and slept hugging each other the whole night. We still feel guilty about that.

During our internship, we came across various people. One of our seniors told her that marrying a man who is less spiritual than her would lead to bitterness. Some started insisting she would get a better person than me. But she told some of our close common friends that she will surely marry me but would only give her consent to me after I talked to her Dad. Suddenly one day, during the end of our internship, she came to me saying, "Don't have false hopes for me." In the last two months, she started saying she won't marry me. When I asked what happened, she told me that she wants a person who will lead her to Christ and not follow her. She also gave our sexual desires as another reason. She said that she can't live with a person who didn't have self-control.

Six months have gone by now. We are preparing for our post-graduation on the opposite ends of the state. She calls me and talks with me for hours acting as if she has no love for me. But I have lots of built-up desires. I want to marry her. I pray daily to God for our sins and my desire to marry her. What should I do now?

Sorry for this big story. Please reply.

Answer:

The decision to marry is a joint one. If she has lost interest in you, you can try to persuade her to change her mind again, but you can't force her.

Yes, you both sinned. You both failed the commands in Ephesians 5:3-7 and in I Corinthians 7:1. The fact that she accuses you of lacking restraint when she is equally guilty is sad. "Therefore you are inexcusable, O man, whoever you are who judge, for in whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things" (Romans 2:1). The weakness that she condemns in you is present in herself as well.

I will grant that it is possible that she believes she is putting your love to the test. If you think she is bluffing, you could ask her father for her hand in marriage and see what results. But it is also possible that she is deluding herself into thinking she is better than you, despite the evidence to the contrary.

Still, I would caution you to consider that she might have decided not to marry you. If that is the case, though you know she is making a big mistake, you will need to move on to find someone else.

Response:

Thank you for replying, sir. I will try my best to persuade her if God allows me to do. Or I will move on. I came to know about this website only through her because she sent me a link for a question and answer regarding "Dating" on this website and told me that all her reasons are well explained. I will let you know what happens in my life.

I’ve been struggling with being sexually pure

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 18 Jan 2014 02:25:00 +0000

Question:

I am a 27-year-old Christian virgin male who wants to wait for marriage for sex. I have struggled with maintaining sexual purity, however. I have struggled and been addicted to porn off and on since I was maybe 12 years old. I remember the first time I ever masturbated to completion, I felt so guilty, and I felt like I lost my virginity to an image I was lusting after.

This struggle led me to webcam sites in which I have viewed women doing sexual things on camera. I have shown myself to them on camera as well.

I am still waiting for my first kiss, which I want to have with my future wife. I desire to regain purity, and I fully acknowledge these acts as adulterous, sinful acts.

I guess my question is: Am I still a virgin? I don't want to play with semantics, but I have never physically touched a girl in a sexual way. I'm repenting daily and fighting daily for purity. I'm almost done reading a book called Every Young Man's Battle. I haven't anyone to really talk to about these things so I would please need your thoughts on this. There is more I wish to share, but I will wait for now.

God bless.

Answer:

Masturbation is extremely common. One survey that Dr. James Dobson quoted said that 95% of all men masturbated. Dobson went on to say that he thought the remaining 5% were lying.

The Bible alludes to masturbation. It would have fallen under the category of uncleanness because of the ejaculation (Leviticus 15:16-18), the same as sex (in verse 18), or touching a dead body or a woman's menstrual flow. It wasn't called a sin, just unclean. For details, see: Is masturbation sinful or not?

The guilty feeling some boys feel after ejaculating has to do with a combination of assuming that anything pleasurable must be sinful since it is private, it must be wrong, and the change in hormones that come after ejaculating. For details, see: Why do I feel guilty after ejaculating?

This doesn't mean you weren't sinning; rather, you focused on the wrong element that was sinful. Like most people, it is easier to focus on the tangible than the intangible. The sin you have been involved in is pornography. "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God" (I Thessalonians 4:3-5). "Passion of lust" refers to lustful things that are designed to arouse passion in a person, and pornography would definitely fall under that category. Though you understand it is wrong, I would like you to read Lies Pornography Tells Men and also A Look at Pornography.

What you did with your webcam is create your own pornography in real time. But it also illustrates what Paul discussed: "But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them" (Ephesians 5:3-7). Even though you were not committing the actual act of fornication, you were involved in talking about doing it and showing off your nakedness. You were definitely involved in lust and behaving in a lewd manner. "Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts" (Romans 13:13-14).

You've been trying to get out of these sins but failing often, and I believe I can guess why. Like most young men, you've strongly associated pornography with ejaculating; therefore, you try to quit pornography by stopping all ejaculations. However, for males, this cannot work because the male body has to ejaculate semen once in a while. See: I want to stop masturbating, but the desire is too strong and How do I stop masturbating?

You are still a virgin because you have not had sex with another person. That doesn't mean you haven't sinned or that you don't need to do something about your sins.

I did some foolish things in my youth and now a guy is trying to blackmail me into doing more sinful things. What do I do?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Mon, 19 Aug 2013 02:29:00 +0000

Question:

I'm a young woman. I have a boyfriend. A long time ago I sent pictures of a certain type to another guy. I have since stopped, but he has hassled me and has been trying to bribe, blackmail, whatever it is he can do to make me do things with him that I don't want to do. I barely feel comfortable in my own skin. No one knows about this. I pray often that God will take this burden from me and that he will give me the strength to stop feeling so guilty and terrible all the time. I also pray that God will punish me for the sins I've committed in a way that He sees fit rather than being punished by another person harassing me constantly. Am I always going to feel this way? Every small sin I do each day now feels bigger and worse than it should. I often doubt that I deserve to feel better.

Answer:

It is the nature of sin to have a greater impact on your life than you expected it to have.

When you realize you've sinned, the answer is always to seek God's forgiveness. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (I John 1:9). Punishment does not forgive sin. Punishment is there to make us aware that sin exists and to discourage us from sinning again. It takes repentance -- a change in your attitude and behavior -- to gain forgiveness. "For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter" (II Corinthians 7:11). You need to get to the point that you can admit that you used to sin, but you are no longer that foolish person in your past.

The hold this man has over you is your embarrassment over your past sins. You can't change the past. But you can stop the harassment. Get a lawyer to write this guy a letter explaining that blackmail is illegal. Insist that he turn over whatever he is using to threaten you with and that he is no longer to contact you. If he makes public the information the pictures he has, he will be sued. Usually, that will cause creeps like this to disappear. If you were below the age of consent when these things happened, you can also file a complaint with the police, which will help stop this guy from doing similar things to other young women.

Understand that God doesn't like extortioners and will do something about this man if he doesn't change his ways. " "In you they take bribes to shed blood; you take usury and increase; you have made profit from your neighbors by extortion, and have forgotten Me," says the Lord GOD. "Behold, therefore, I beat My fists at the dishonest profit which you have made, and at the bloodshed which has been in your midst. Can your heart endure, or can your hands remain strong, in the days when I shall deal with you? I, the LORD, have spoken, and will do it" " (Ezekiel 22:12-14).

Question:

He said he doesn't care. He doesn't threaten me directly about anything. He just said watch what's going to happen and you're going to make me do something I don't want to. I am afraid to tell my mom to take me to the station to report him. He told me he got a new phone at the beginning of the summer and he asked for my friend's number that was in his old phone. I haven't sent him pictures since long before the summer so doesn't that mean if he can't get my friend's number from his old phone that he can't have the pictures either? Could I go with someone other than my parent to report him? We go to the same school. I'm really scared. I just want him completely out of my life. The other day he said it's the last time he's going to ask, and I will just have to see what happens. He's said that before but since I told my friend I feel like something is going to happen this time. Also, he suffers from bipolarity. I don't know if that causes him to say those things.

Answer:

Since this is taking place at school, go to the school counselor or the school principal and tell him what you are being threatened with. They will know how to handle it.

I behaved so badly with my former girlfriend that I think I should remain single for the rest of my life

Jeffrey Hamilton — Tue, 21 May 2013 00:41:00 +0000

Question:

Dear Minister,

Recently I broke up with my girlfriend, but now I am experiencing guilt because I engaged in sexual activity with my ex. We did a lot, except penetrative sex, such as hand jobs, oral, and sexting. Now I feel like I should remain single my whole life because I believe whoever God might have had in store for me deserves better. I do not want to hurt them, and I feel like I have no purity to offer them now. Is this what I should do?

Thank you.

Answer:

You need to restart your life, living it God's way. Yes, you did a lot of things you had no business being involved in, but it doesn't mean you can't change and become pure. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God" (I Corinthians 6:9-11). If you mark yourself as tainted, you will leave yourself vulnerable to sexual temptation, telling yourself things like "Well, I'm already guilty, so it won't make any difference."

Not only do you need to get yourself right with God, but you also need to learn how to properly treat a woman. Your past relationship didn't last because it was based on selfish physical actions. You did not develop a true companionship or respect for each other. Even now you see any future relationship in terms of physical acts and you are disappointed that it won't be novel. However, you can offer some woman in the future a kind, caring, respectful, and faithful husband -- if you are willing to learn and change yourself completely.

In a weak moment, I was sexting. How do I get back on the right path?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sun, 24 Mar 2013 02:28:00 +0000

Question:

I need to forgive myself and move on. I have been a Christian for over 30 years and married nearly that long. In a weak moment, I was sex texting with someone I know. I've stopped! But my secret is eating at me and there it will stay. Can you help with sinful regrets? Please speak plainly. I deserve and know better. I want my Christian life back on the right path.

Answer:

"If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us. My little children, these things I write to you, so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous" (I John 1:8-2:1).

Guilt reminds us not to repeat sins when we think back on the things we should not have done. The sorrow ought to drive us to make a radical change in our life. "For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter" (II Corinthians 7:10-11). But worldly sorrow is a trap. We get stuck being sorry but we never move on and complete the change.

"Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:12-14).

Focus on where you are going and not what you've left behind.

Sexting and Pornography Among Early Teens

Jeffrey Hamilton — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 03:26:00 +0000

Source: Daniel Martin, "Sex texts epidemic: Experts warn sharing explicit photos is corrupting children," Daily Mail Online, 10 December 2012.

The news merely confirms what we already knew: the age at which children are being exposed to sex is dropping. The following are interesting quotes pulled from the article.

"Boys and girls as young as 13 routinely swap explicit pictures of themselves."

"‘This is mainstream; this is normal; this is almost mundane for some of the people we spoke to,’ said Andy Phippen, the Plymouth University academic who carried out the study. ‘In pretty much every school in the country, people aged 13 and 14 are talking about this stuff and dealing with this stuff.’"

"The research, based on focus groups with 220 Year Nine pupils aged 13 and 14, found they were becoming sexualised earlier, largely because pornography was so easy to find online."

"Jon Brown of the NSPCC said: ‘What we’re seeing is that there is a very regular and normal consumption of hardcore adult pornography – that the sharing of explicit sexual imagery by photos or by video clips is now extremely normal. ‘It’s important to recognise what was previously regarded as unusual, concerning, or sensationalist, now has in fact become the norm.’ The focus groups found that the influence of porn was pervasive."

"Porn is frequently viewed by boys of 13 and 14, and while the children acknowledge there is potential for harm, they do not feel they are affected themselves. Girls of this age generally do not look at porn, and view it as a negative influence on boys."