sex – La Vista Church of Christ

How should Christians deal with difficult topics, such as sex?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Mon, 22 Jun 2026 19:02:39 +0000

Question:

Hello Brother in Christ!

I have recently been studying Christian perspectives on sex, and I would like to know your thoughts on the matter. How should Christians talk and discuss sex? How do we, as teachers, open up such topics? And how do we start such conversations so we can teach Christians more effectively on the matter? What to do and say when a brother or sister in Christ shares certain aspects of their sexual experiences? How do we probe the matter, and how can we encourage the brethren to ask such questions about the topic, as it may still be a taboo in some places?

I'd really appreciate your guidance regarding this.

Thank you!

Question:

"Therefore, I testify to you this day that I am innocent of the blood of all men. For I did not shrink from declaring to you the whole purpose of God" (Acts 20:26-27).

When you look at the topics that Paul covers in his writings, you will find sexual issues being mentioned frequently. It isn't surprising. The Greek and Roman societies were heavily involved in various types of sexual sins (Romans 1:22-27).

In your lessons, you should cover the topics of lust, temptation, and sin (James 1:13-16; I John 2:15-17). Just as you discuss why stealing and lying are wrong, you should be discussing why adultery, fornication, and pornography are wrong (I Corinthians 6:9-20; I Thessalonians 4:3-8). In a discussion of marriage, it should be mentioned that sex is proper and expected between married couples (Hebrews 13:4; I Corinthians 7:1-5).

Notice in all the cited passages, while sex is discussed, it is done in a way that is factual and not titillating. Here are some examples:

When someone trusts you to discuss their sins, treat them with respect and dignity (James 5:16). The goal is always to help people reach heaven. If someone approaches you in private about their sins, then respect their privacy and do not gossip about them. If the person is of the opposite sex, make sure another person of the same sex is present when you discuss matters. You will find that if you help people with their issues, more will trust you to help them with their issues.

One of the things I do is offer classes on sexual matters to adolescents with their parents' permission. It is better to deal with questions before they become major issues in a young person's life.

Mutual Responsibility

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sat, 21 Feb 2026 22:52:24 +0000

by Gardner Hall

An excellent article on sexual abuse in marriage, but...

Recently, I saw an excellent article on how some men, often with the collaboration of misguided preachers, misuse I Corinthians 7:3-5 to pressure their wives into “obligation sex” rather than working to establish an atmosphere of mutual joy and satisfaction in marriage as God intended. I translated the article into Spanish and used its main points for a video, which received an astounding number of views. Obviously, it struck a chord in Latin America!

I subscribed to the page where I found the article and began reading the posts, with a mixture of admiration and concern. The admiration was for the forthright way in which its articles point out the hypocrisy of many religious leaders who try to hush up and even defend the sexual abuse by men in their churches. They treat pornography as if it were no big deal, thus perpetuating the degrading of women as objects. "Boys will be boys!"

The concern? Two main ones:

As is often the case when crusading against a very real evil, the finger is pointed not at the real cause: selfish refusal of “Christian” men to imitate Christ’s love in their leadership, but rather it questions the fact that God gave them a position of leadership in the first place (Ephesians 5:22-25, I Corinthians 11:3). The page tends to follow the line of mainstream feminism that blurs the distinction between the roles of men and women. This blurring is becoming more common in the evangelical world, and, in turn, affects youth in the congregations we know. It takes us away from Christ.
Complaints about “the purity culture.” I understand that the evangelical “purity culture” has often been one-sided, placing more responsibility on women, their clothing, and their actions than on men. However, the response has often been equally one-sided - removing any accountability from women for promoting purity and placing it solely on men.

The way of love in the Bible is for both men and women to work together to promote purity of thought - women being careful in their conduct, thought, and dress, while men do the exact same thing! Both are responsible. If both accept responsibility, they won’t try to shirk it by assigning it solely to the other. That’s not a “purity culture.” It’s the way of Christ.

So, I applaud the exposure of hypocrisy that has too often characterized the relationships between the sexes, even among those who claim to believe in the love of Christ! However, I’m concerned that the response is one-sided - refusing to accept the concept of mutual responsibility.

The Truth About Sex No One Tells You

Jeffrey Hamilton — Thu, 10 Jul 2025 16:01:40 +0000

by Dr. K. N. Jacob
via Facebook, 6 July 2025

Sex is powerful. Sex in marriage is priceless - don’t trade depth for thrills. Casual sex often leads to pain, confusion, and heartbreak. Casual sex chips away at self-worth. Affairs destroy families.

Premarital sex often masks incompatibility. Sex blurs red flags, rushes commitment, and complicates breakups. Many stay in toxic situations because of physical attachment.

Waiting builds connection. Waiting grows self-control and self-respect. Couples who wait tend to communicate better, argue less, and form stronger bonds. Delayed pleasure deepens trust.

Know who you’re dating. Study the heart, not the hype. Build a bond before sharing a bed. Date slow, dig deep. Don’t let culture rush you. Sex is not a handshake - it’s a soul exchange.

Sex was designed for depth, not drama. Casual sex clouds judgment. Set boundaries. Avoid staying over. Limit private time in tempting situations. Focus on values and emotional connection.

"All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything. Food is for the stomach and the stomach is for food, but God will do away with both of them. Yet the body is not for immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord is for the body. Now God has not only raised the Lord, but will also raise us up through His power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be! Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, 'The two shall become one flesh.' But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him. Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body" (I Corinthians 6:12-20 NAS95).

What should a husband do when his wife isn’t available for sex?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Mon, 28 Apr 2025 22:53:06 +0000

Question:

Hello Jeffery,

My wife and I have now been married for over a year, and it has been wonderful. We have, of course, already faced life's challenges, but I genuinely feel that we have overcome them only by the grace of God and the strength that the Lord gives us through His Word. We make each other laugh every day, and she is truly my friend. I am very grateful that she is my wife, and I know she has drawn me closer to God. She inspires me every day.

I am seeking guidance and advice. Previously, you advised me not to have expectations of how intercourse would go, and I am grateful for that because it certainly did not work right away. It took both of us time to experiment and figure out what we liked sexually and what worked for us. But for the past year or so, intercourse has gone well for the most part. There have been times when I was not able to get hard enough for intercourse for all kinds of reasons (not feeling physically comfortable, overthinking, not being in the moment, etc.). She was very supportive and understanding when that did happen. But for the most part, it has been wonderful. We have not limited ourselves to intercourse and have participated in oral sex as well.

What has become apparent, however, in the past month or so is that we are in a season where we have different sex drives at the moment. We have had sex only three times in the past month. We had both gotten used to having sex at least once a week, but usually 2-3 times a week. There are a couple of reasons for this: 1) The first week, she was not that interested in sex because she felt like she was fighting off a yeast infection, and told me that is why her sex drive was low. 2) She was out of town for a few days on a planned trip we had, so she was not home. 3) I flew out to meet her (we flew at separate times due to my work), and on our second night together on our trip, we had sex, which was wonderful. A few days later, she confirmed that she had a yeast infection and had to take medication that required her to not be sexually active for seven days after she had finished the medication.

It has been ten days since we last had sex. We are waiting for the seven days after she has finished with the medication, which should be in a few more days. I have not masturbated and have refrained from ejaculation thus far for two reasons: 1) I know my wife is also missing sexual intimacy and I feel like I should refrain in solidarity with her since she can't have any sexual activity; 2) I know that if I decide to masturbate and ejaculate without her, I'd feel guilty becase I'm filling my sexual needs without her. But with my sexual desire rising and seeing her naked every night in the shower, I have asked her at least twice in the past month if she could go down on me (ie, oral sex), and she has turned it down each time. We've discussed how I will always leave it up to her when I ask, because I want my wife to want to do it. This morning, I asked her if she could "take care of me" while I was on my lunch break (I've shared with her that this has been a long-held fantasy of mine, and we've discussed doing it one day). She said that her mom, who lives with us, would need to be gone, and I was admittedly disappointed, and my body language reflected that. She didn't appreciate that reaction from me, and I think rightly so. She let me know that it made her feel bad, and that she should not feel bad. Keeping Ephesians 5 in mind, I apologized for making her feel bad and for being pushy, told her that she didn't need to feel bad, and thanked her for letting me know how my actions affected her.

As I considered the events of this morning, I thought that it was ironic because if I did masturbate and ejaculate, it would lower my sexual desire and sex drive. It would help me achieve more self-control than I showed this morning. In this answer you gave in 2017 about if masturbating was lack of self-control, you said "The production of semen in a healthy male is continual, so to argue that a man ejaculating because he ran out of room to store semen and doesn't have access to his wife is somehow cheating on her is false because he will still be able to have sex when he reunites with her." So there is a part of me that tells myself that I should go ahead and control my sex drive by masturbating only when my wife is not available to me, either due to distance, illness, or when she is on her period. This part of me tells me I should deal with the realities of being male.

The other part of me is aligned with the response you gave to this question from 2006, "My wife no longer has a desire for sex. What do I do?" You said, "The real measure of a man, though, is your strength in the face of obstacles." You then go on to cite Philippians 4:11-13, with which I agree. You also mentioned that "...while our sex drive is strong, it doesn't mean it must dominate our lives. 'But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified' (I Corinthians 9:27)." This part of me is telling myself that I should control myself until I am reunited with my wife once she can have sex. I should refrain from masturbating and endure the rising sexual desires and redirect that energy elsewhere. A relationship can have non-sexual intimacy, and this part of me is trying to focus on our connection and relationship that we have that is outside of sex, which is awesome! It feels like I married my best friend. We talked about this when we were dating and engaged: We can have intimacy with each other without it having to be sexual.

However, I also know that I can focus on those aspects of non-sexual intimacy all I want, but it's not going to take away the need for ejaculation. It makes me think about when Paul says, "For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do" (Galatians 5:17).

The answer you gave in 2006 mentions that "Even if it (sexual activity) is not possible, the male body will take care of itself through nocturnal emissions." I can't remember the last time I had a wet dream. I have no idea how long I would have to go without ejaculating before I would have one, if I can have them at all. I also think that once we have kids, that is going to change things as far as how often we have sexual intimacy. And even when she is pregnant, she may not want to have sex. I know that also, women generally tend to need several weeks, if not longer, after they give birth. If I don't masturbate during these times, I may end up finding out how long it takes for me to have a wet dream during that time, though I know I'm going to go crazy.

What my questions come down to is this: Should a husband listen to his body and control his sexual desires by masturbating and ejaculating when his wife is not available for sexual activity? Or should he refrain for however long it takes for a wet dream to occur so that it becomes an involuntary act, or for his wife to be up for sexual activity again?

I know you may not have a clear "yes" or "no" answer for me, but any guidance or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Answer:

I think you missed the point in "My wife no longer has a desire for sex. What do I do?" I pointed out that all men spend a period of their lives not having sexual intercourse, and they manage to survive it. During those times, men ejaculate through wet dreams or masturbation. These are not as thrilling as sexual intercourse, but they do keep the sex drive under control. Thus, if he was able to do it in the past, he can use the same techniques at present when his wife is unable to desire sex. The biggest danger is that men often will get caught up in lust and pornography because they start chasing the pleasure instead of seeing this as taking care of the need. It is this aspect of your body that needs to be brought under control.

For example, if your wife wasn't available to cook, you would not assume you need to go without eating to demonstrate how much you love her cooking. The body's needs should be managed appropriately without letting them dominate your life. Going without eating would likely result in you losing your self-control as you become more desperate to eat. In the same way, trying to tough it out without ejaculating could lead to a loss of self-control.

I'm unable to tell you what your limits might be. I'm only suggesting that if you are finding your self-control slipping, then you need to manage your body by relieving yourself.

One of the difficulties husbands and wives have is assuming that the other person sees the situation in the same way. While women enjoy sex, they don't have a physical component to their sexual desire. Many women can do without sex for long periods, so they don't understand why men don't act the same. Conversely, men have a strong desire for sex when their seminal vesicles get full. If wet dreams don't happen (and not every man has wet dreams), that desire rises until instinct takes over. They don't understand why their wives don't see how desperate they are to ejaculate, and so they blame their wives for not caring. What is needed is some open discussions about your views of sex and your frequency of need. "The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. But this I say by way of concession, not of command" (I Corinthians 7:3-6).

There are ways to have sexual intimacy that do not require intercourse. Discuss with your wife what the two of you can do when you need relief. You are correct that there will always be times when your wife will not be available for sex: trips, illness, exhaustion, etc. The practical solution is to manage your needs just enough to get through those periods. What you want to avoid is using masturbation as a way to avoid your duty to your spouse.

One last point: you mention not wanting to make your wife feel bad. No husband should set out to make his wife unhappy. However, people are people. There will be times when your wife makes a poor choice, and you'll be disappointed. Open communication is necessary to convey your perspective on the situation. It must be worded gently and with proper concern, but hiding your feelings about the matter or pretending that you are fine with a bad choice is not good for a marriage.

My wife deprives me from sex

Jeffrey Hamilton — Thu, 27 Mar 2025 20:09:11 +0000

Question:

Hi Minister,

I have read many of your responses to challenging questions. Please help me.

I have been married for more than ten years. My wife has deprived me of sex to the point that the rejection felt so bad that I started looking for products I can use to get rid of my sexual desires permanently. But to no avail. We will only have sex when she wants to. If it means she goes without for years, it is not a problem for her.

She has a child from her previous relationship. That child came because of sex outside of wedlock. They dated for nearly ten years. I know the guy. He would have left her long ago if she did to him what she's doing to me.

She made me hate sex. Why is it so hard? Why must it be something I have to fight for?

Recently, I chatted with one of her exes, pretending to be her. I was looking for answers as to why she is like this. Was she like this toward her exes or just me? The response I got from the chat made me sick. The guy responded, "What made you think of messaging me? Is it because you are having flashbacks of what I used to do to you?" He remembers everything,

Since that time, I can't get it out of my mind. Whenever she rejects me, what the guy said comes to my mind. Why did the ex enjoy all the benefits I was supposed to have?

She never makes any effort to make things romantic.

I don't know how to get these thoughts out of my mind because as soon as she comes up with excuses, the ex's words come to mind.

Answer:

The problem with the situation is that you can't make a sinner do what is right. Your wife is violating what Paul said in I Corinthians 7:1-5. The problem is how to deal with the problems caused by your wife's bad decisions.

At the worst, you know how to live without sex since you had to spend years without it as a teenager. It isn't pleasant. It isn't how marriage is supposed to be, but it is better than falling into sin yourself. "For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother's womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it" (Matthew 19:12).

While the male body physically needs ejaculation, a woman doesn't have a physical driving need for sex. To a woman, sex is an expression of her desire for you. Therefore, a woman who doesn't view her husband romantically isn't usually interested in sex. Thus, a part of your problem is due to a breakdown in your relationship. Here, you can make improvements. It might not spur her sexual interest, but it will help your marriage.

Instead of waiting for her, do romantic things for her: Leave her love notes, take her out on dates, tell her what you appreciate about her, and do kind things for her. Do all these things without expectation of sex. Do it because they make your marriage better and happier. "Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband" (Ephesians 5:33).

Thank you for your posts regarding sex within a Christian marriage

Jeffrey Hamilton — Thu, 16 Jan 2025 16:33:34 +0000

Question:

I just wanted to message you and thank you for the posts on your website. I had questions concerning intercourse in Christian marriage and was grateful to read your biblical perspective.

Thank you again, and God richly bless you and the ministry,

Answer:

You're welcome.

I suggested a plan for overcoming sexual sin, but my girlfriend wants to take a break

Jeffrey Hamilton — Fri, 19 Jul 2024 23:41:51 +0000

Question:

Hey,

My girlfriend and I have been struggling with sexual sin. We've been praying for God to help us. I suggested a plan for us to get better:

We should both ask God and each other for forgiveness individually.
Read Psalm 38 together, thinking about each verse and writing down our thoughts.
List all the bad things in our relationship (red flags) that have been causing us to fall and make it hard to follow God.
List all the good things (green flags) that can help us stay strong.
Read Psalm 32, think about each verse, and write down our thoughts.
After we do all this, we can discuss what we learned, decide what to do next, and establish boundaries based on our findings.

We had another assignment. We were supposed to write about everything that has happened in our relationship since we started this journey, how we each felt during and after sin, and how we are feeling now. We were also to pray for healing and read Psalm 51 together.

But my girlfriend said God is telling her to take a break, and she's not ready to do the above-said plan. I feel sad because God's commands should bring peace and joy in our hearts, but this is just causing problems and pain.

Answer:

Your plan is a good start for investigating why the two of you fell into sin. Whether it would work depends on what you conclude and what you implement to prevent the sins from repeating.

Since prophecy has ceased (I Corinthians 13:8-10), your girlfriend's claim that God is telling her to break up is a falsehood. She claims her feelings are coming from God to give more authority to her decision. She feels that this will keep you from arguing with her as much. She should have admitted that these are her thoughts.

What is missing is why she came to this conclusion. It comes across that she has given up and doesn't want to try. However, unless she states why she is making this decision, you and I can only guess at her motives.

Yes, God's commands bring peace and joy. You broke those commands, which has led to the breaking down of your relationship.

Question:

Thank you so much.

Her claim is that God is commanding her to leave and to come back only when He says.

Answer:

Unfortunately, she is lying to herself and to you. Prophecy has ended. See: What is your proof that prophecy has ended? She is claiming that her own feelings and choices are from God to avoid taking responsibility for them. She can blame everything on God and not feel guilty. "Then the LORD said to me, 'The prophets are prophesying falsehood in My name. I have neither sent them nor commanded them nor spoken to them; they are prophesying to you a false vision, divination, futility and the deception of their own minds'" (Jeremiah 14:14). She cannot prove that her ideas came from God, though God in the past gave evidence when He spoke through the prophets.

Though she is blaming God, understand that this is her choice. You can't force her to make good choices. If she does not want to marry you, it is time to move on. Next time, do things God's way and leave sex for after marriage. Then you will not have as many problems.

Response:

Thank you so much for such amazing advice.

Can you explain I Corinthians 6:16-17?

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sun, 21 Apr 2024 03:20:41 +0000

Question:

Good day

I have a question and would like some advice.

A bit of background leading to the question: I was a fake Christian, committed fornication, and knew it displeased God, but I didn’t really know Christ at the time. But someone came and preached repentance. I decided to believe in Christ, give my life, and turn from my sins and sexual immorality. After giving my life to the Lord not long after, I confessed to my boyfriend first that I’d decided to get closer to the Lord. It was clear this relationship was not going to last. It was unequally yoked. I told my boyfriend a lot about the Lord and eventually broke up with him (a couple of times after deciding nope, the Lord has someone else in mind for me surely, someone who’ll love me, with their words toward me matching up with their actions). I’m glad the Lord put me in this place because I’m only 17, and it’s important first to cultivate my relationship with God and to surround myself with people who are also seeking and committed to the Lord. I came across the concept of marriage in Genesis and what the Lord originally intended for marriage (leaving parents and cleaving to the wife, becoming one flesh). So, fornication is definitely not marriage. It’s a sin, perverting what God intended for humans.

But now I’m confused as to what "one flesh" means, as it is used in the marriage aspect but also in the following verse:

"Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, 'The two will become one flesh.' But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit. Flee from sexual immorality" (I Corinthians 6:16-19).

Paul says that one who united himself with the Lord is one with Him in Spirit. Since I’ve given my life to the Lord and live in repentance, what exactly is the meaning of the two will become one flesh? Is it lawful for me to get married in the future?

Sex does not create marriage, but my confusion arises from the definition of two becoming one flesh. It seems that Paul is giving a solution to flee from sexual immorality and become one with the Lord and uniting yourself to Him and live in purity, rather than uniting yourself to sexual immorality with a person. Marriage is a covenantal bond to become united, but what does this consequence mean to become united and one flesh with a prostitute?

Answer:

First, let's define what "become one flesh" means. Someone asked about this earlier, so I would like you to read, "What does becoming "one flesh" mean?" Notice the use of "become." It indicates an ongoing process. Two people raised in two households don't instantly become one. It is a process that they work on for the rest of their lives together.

In I Corinthians 6:9-10, Paul gives an example list of sins Christians cannot be involved in and think they will make it to heaven. Some of the Corinthians had been involved in these types of sins before they became Christians, but they should have left them behind (I Corinthians 6:11). Returning to those sins would mean returning to the consequences of those sins.

Starting with I Corinthians 6:12, Paul addresses one of those sins, fornication, which headed his list. He then addresses all the excuses people give for committing that sin. He shows that each excuse does not have merit.

"It is not illegal to have sex when you are not married." (I Corinthians 6:12)
"I want to have sex!" (I Corinthians 6:12)
"God made my body to have sex, so it can't be wrong to do it." (I Corinthians 6:13)

Expanding on the last point, Paul argues that God plans to raise Christians up to be with Christ (I Corinthians 6:14). Does it make sense to use the body that God gave you and that God will raise up and join it with someone who makes a living from sin?

Paul uses a progression to prove his point:

Fornication	"is one body" (soma)	temporary joining
Marriage	"becomes one flesh" (sarx)	lifetime joining
Being a Christian	"is one Spirit"	eternal bond

Why is so much emphasis being placed on a physical union that only lasts for a few minutes of intercourse when the eternal benefits of being a part of Christ exist? (Remember that a fornicator cannot enter heaven - I Corinthians 6:9-10). Even marriage, which lasts a lifetime and involves far more than sex, doesn't compare with the glories Christ offers us. However, it is a far better state than being involved in fornication (I Corinthians 7:1-9). Therefore, Paul concludes that we need to flee fornication (I Corinthians 6:18).

For more details, see Immorality.

The Direction of Your Life

Jeffrey Hamilton — Sun, 04 Feb 2024 20:51:56 +0000

The Direction of Your Life - Part 1 The Direction of Your Life

by Jeffrey W. Hamilton

Text: Matthew 6:19-24

I. Whenever I taught someone to drive, I was reminded that people have a tendency to go in the direction they are looking.

A. When a person first learns to drive, they tend to look at things close to the car, such as the edge of the road. As a result, they constantly drift toward the edge.

B. The experienced driver looks out at a distance toward where they would like to go. As a result, the car stays on a steady path toward the goal.

C. Jesus makes the same analogy in Matthew 6:19-24

1. Where your treasure is (that which you desire) your heart follows after.

2. If you look toward righteous things, you will tend to be righteous.

3. If you look toward wicked things, you will tend to be evil.

4. You can’t have it both ways. We will always gravitate toward one or the other.

II. The churches in Galatia were having problems with people teaching that they needed to follow the Old Testament law.

A. In particular, these people were demanding that non-Jewish Christians must be circumcised.

B. Much of the book of Galatians contains Paul’s reasoning for why Christians are not subject to the Old Law.

C. But there was another problem that Paul addressed. The Galatians were not reasoning out their differences. Instead they were arguing and bickering with each other - Galatians 5:15

D. This desire to win at all cost, Paul says, is not godly but fleshly - Galatians 5:16-18

E. Paul’s concern was that if they continued down the path they had started to walk, they would destroy themselves.

1. You cannot behave in a worldly manner and expect it to lead you away from the world.

2. The teachings of Christ do not lead toward the hatred of brethren - I John 2:9-11

F. Paul then lists several characteristic of those who are led by worldly desires - Galatians 5:19-21

1. Paul says these behaviors are easily seen as being worldly.

III. Sexual Sins

A. Immorality

1. Some translations have adultery and fornication.

2. It refers to having sex outside the bonds of marriage.

3. Sex within marriage is honorable, but outside of marriage it brings condemnation - Hebrews 13:4

4. Unlike most sins which harm someone else, sexual immorality harms the person committing the sin - I Corinthians 6:15-20

B. Impurity

1. This refers to moral impurity within a person. It is a person with a dirty mind (soul).

2. When God gave up on the Gentiles who left their worship of him, Paul said that God gave them over to the impure lusts of their hearts. - Romans 1:24

a. In other words they began thinking about improper sexual actions. They had dirty minds.

b. What followed was a society that acted on their impure thoughts and engaged in fornication.

3. Impurity (or uncleanness) describes a state of mind that is the opposite of holiness - Romans 6:19; I Thessalonians 4:7

4. It is often connected with impure sexual thoughts, but it is not limited to just sex.

5. Even when a person doesn’t engage in impure actions, Christians must be careful not to think or give the impression they engage in such behavior - Ephesians 5:1-8

a. This means that Christians must not engage in the telling of dirty jokes or speak profane things.

b. We are not to use foul language or cuss words. These pollute our minds, making us unclean and impure.

6. It is this word which describes why pornography is wrong.

C. Sensuality

1. This is a person who shamelessly pursues sensual pleasures.

2. It is sometimes translated lasciviousness, licentiousness, or wantonness.

3. He feels no guilt in satisfying his desires. He does not care what anyone else thinks about his pursuits.

a. Licentiousness captures the meaning well. It is a person who thinks he has a license to sin.

4. It is often connected to sexual sins, but again, it is not limited to them - Romans 13:13, I Peter 4:3

5. It is through the appeal of sensual desires that false teachers capture followers - II Peter 2:18

IV. Religious Sins

A. Idolatry

1. The worship of other gods. It literally means image worship.

2. But Paul has more in mind that worshiping before statues and other images - Colossians 3:5

a. Anything that we place as our prime desire which is not God is a form of image worship.

b. In Colossians many of the words are connected to sexual sins and greed.

c. In I Peter 4:3 it is connected with drinking and partying.

d. These become idols of those who pursue them

B. Sorcery

1. The word here literally refers to a person who abuses drugs. It refers to a person who mixes potions.

2. Such drug use was tightly coupled with witchcraft or sorcery.

a. People who are high on drugs will believe just about anything – magical things are happening

b. They are easy to manipulate. Their resistance is lowered.

3. They will do just about anything for another high. It becomes their God

V. Relationship Sins

A. Enmities

1. People who hate each other

2. As we mentioned before, Christians are to love one another. By that love, they show their love for God. I John 4:7-11

3. But when our mind is focused on worldly things we become haters of God - Romans 8:7

B. Strife

1. People who argue or quarrel with each other

2. The Corinthian church was involved in arguments with each other - I Corinthians 1:10-11

3. Such contentions was a sign of their worldliness - I Corinthians 3:3

4. That is why there are warnings against unprofitable arguing - Titus 3:9

C. Jealousy

1. The word here is literally “zeal”. It refers to the fanatic. A person so zealous for a cause that he cannot stand the thought of considering another position. He possesses an ideal and he jealously guards it from all detractors.

2. It describes the High Priest and leaders of the Jews - Acts 5:17

3. It is often connected with strife in Scriptures, because a jealous man will argue his position without considering any other.

4. The zealot thinks he is contending for God, but all he manages to do is contend - James 3:13-18

D. Outbursts of anger

1. A person who feels so passionately about a cause that he is unable to control his temper

2. It describes the crowds reaction to Jesus - Luke 4:28-29, or the Greeks reaction to the Apostles - Acts 19:28-29

3. These are your rioters and mobs

E. Disputes

1. This is the person who does not outwardly show his hatred, but involves himself in games of intrigue. He acts only for his own interest and backstabs his opponents.

2. Interestingly, this word was used by the Greeks to describe the actions of politicians.

3. Paul used it to describe those who tried to add to his affliction - Philippians 1:16

4. As Christians, we should not do things from strife - Philippians 2:3

F. Dissensions

1. A person who causes division between people. It is the opposite of unity.

2. A person we must watch out for - Romans 16:17

G. Factions

1. The word literally means to chose. In application it is a person who chooses sides.

2. For example, the Sadducees and the Pharisees were religious factions of the Jewish religion.

3. Paul warned the Corinthians against dividing into factions - I Corinthians 1:10-13

H. Envying

1. The desire to harm someone because you want what belongs to that person.

2. The envy can be over a person’s possession or even his position in life.

3. Jesus was handed over to the Romans because of the envy of the Jewish leaders - Matthew 27:17-18

4. It was the motivation for those trying to cause Paul harm - Philippians 1:15

VI. Sins Causing a Lack of Self-Control

A. Drunkenness

1. A person under the influence of alcohol

B. Carousing

1. A riotous party. What we often associate with fraternities.

2. It is often associated with drinking - Romans 13:13

VII. Paul’s list is not meant to be a complete list, but one that gives us a general idea of the character of those who are worldly minded.

A. Paul has warned these brethren repeatedly that to engage in such actions will prevent them from reaching heaven

B. It will prevent us as well.

C. If there is any here who wishes to leave the world behind with all of its problems, there is no better time than today.

My wife refuses to be intimate with me

Jeffrey Hamilton — Thu, 22 Dec 2022 22:07:42 +0000

Question:

I have been married for almost 15 years. I love her to the end of the world. She is going through menopause and it’s been two years since entering her. We have had years of good sex that didn't involve intercourse but all of a sudden she said it’s a sin and I am frustrated.

I have had a vasectomy and my sperm is dead. She has no periods. Thus, I cannot understand after so many years this is happening. Why is it now a sin?

Please help. I’m a member of the Church of England and she’s Roman Catholic. I’m trying to support this with love and affection, but it's hard to come home with no maybe surprise and compassion.

Please help.

Answer:

Roman Catholics believe that things should not be done without purpose. "The Catholic Church teaches that it is a grave sin to deliberately separate sexuality from procreation because the latter is its most essential purpose." (1) Thus, each act of sex must include the possibility, however remote, that pregnancy might occur. "... the couple must be open to life and possible conception. Sexual acts engaged in apart from this circumstance are wrong and sinful." (1)

To this basic claim (that is unsupported by any biblical references) exceptions are allowed. Couples are allowed to time their sexual encounters for periods when the wife is unlikely to become pregnant. "This teaching does not mean that a married couple cannot engage in sexual activities when conception is not possible (such as the infertile periods for a woman or after her menopause). What is prohibited is a deliberate thwarting of a possible conception during fertile periods." (1)

The man-made rule leads to unintended consequences. If getting a vasectomy is a sin and acts of intercourse while sterilized are also considered sinful, then how does a person gain forgiveness? Some Roman Catholics say you only have to express regret, but others see this as too easy of an out so they insist that the person has to go through a Sacrament of Penance. (2) But even this is viewed as allowing someone to commit sin and get away with it, so they insist that the person foregoes sex until his wife reaches menopause or has his vasectomy surgically reversed (even though it is acknowledged that such doesn't usually make a man fertile again). (2)

In Contraceptives, I show that biblically life begins at conception. Therefore, preventing conception is not wrong. Sex has purposes other than procreation according to the Scriptures. Denying this truth is wrong. Paul tells us that sex is an expression of marital affection and a means of controlling sexual desires (I Corinthians 7:2-9). It is expected that couples enjoy sex (Proverbs 5:18-19).

The core problem is that you and your wife are a part of denominations that intermix the teachings of men with biblical teachings. "If you have died with Christ to the elementary principles of the world, why, as if you were living in the world, do you submit yourself to decrees, such as, "Do not handle, do not taste, do not touch!" (which all refer to things destined to perish with use) -- in accordance with the commandments and teachings of men? These are matters which have, to be sure, the appearance of wisdom in self-made religion and self-abasement and severe treatment of the body, but are of no value against fleshly indulgence" (Colossians 2:20-23). I can point out what the Bible actually teaches, but as long as you put more faith in the teachings of your respective denominations, there isn't anything I can further do.

Sources:

Dave Armstrong, "Sex and Catholics: Our Views Briefly Explained," National Catholic Register, 2 February 2018.
Charles M. Mangan, "Married Couples Who Intentionally Chose Sterilization For Contraceptive Purposes And Lasting Repentance," Catholic Online.