Good day,<\/p>\n
I am 23 years old and have never been in a relationship. I want a Christian wife and a Christian family. I do not want to commit sin before getting married.<\/p>\n
I don’t want to mislead anybody, date multiple people, or become attached to someone I won’t ultimately marry. I would rather marry the person I choose to date.<\/p>\n
So I need clarification on these terms and steps in finding a wife:<\/p>\n
Please work with me here.\u00a0If someone has qualities I want in a Christian wife, am I attracted to them? Or do I just find them attractive? I don’t mean infatuation; this is healthier. But I would actually want to know about them.<\/p>\n
The problem is, it seems wrong to tell everybody that I’m attracted to them and want to know more about them. It seems like being a womanizer, and I would not want to even have rumors about me being a womanizer.<\/p>\n
If I get to know more about a person and I’m serious about her being my wife, how do I start dating? It would seem weird to tell her I want to marry her, but I want to make my intentions clear that marriage is the goal of the relationship.<\/p>\n
If we’re in a relationship, how do I know it has moved to love? Or should I only ask someone I love out, with a set timeline in mind until we get married?<\/p>\n
Finally, if we already know we want to get married, when exactly should we get engaged, or is it unnecessary?<\/p>\n\t
There is a lot to consider when choosing a wife. This answer will be long, but it won’t cover everything you need to consider.<\/p>\n
Choosing the right person matters (Proverbs 31:10). Who you choose\u00a0can bring you joy or grief (Proverbs 12:4). God has given us guidelines, but they help only if we follow them.<\/p>\n
Realize that when you have a good wife, you have received a gift from God (Proverbs 18:22; 19:14). Therefore, pray to God for help in locating a good woman.<\/p>\n
Certain women catch your attention. We call this “attraction.” Unfortunately, people tend to emphasize a woman’s looks or charm to the exclusion of everything else. However, God warns that beauty doesn’t last in this world, and charm can disguise ill intent (Proverbs 31:30). We need to look at people the way God does (I Peter 3:3-4). It must be deeper than just the surface things that catch your attention.<\/p>\n
Years ago, courtship rules became a fad.\u00a0 A boy and girl were not allowed to be alone together. They took someone with them on dates. The boy had to ask the father for permission to date and later to marry his daughter. On the surface, all this sounds good. But it was also driven by a desire to eliminate all risks in finding a spouse. However, it ultimately limited options. People married without really knowing what they wanted in a spouse.<\/p>\n
Traditional dating carries more risks, but it can lead to finding a better spouse. Traditional dating is different from the modern idea of dating. One rule is that at the start, you don’t go out with the same person twice in a row. You need to know what kinds of people are available. And the lack of exclusivity also keeps things from getting too serious too quickly. In other words, a date shouldn’t be a big commitment.<\/p>\n
Dating the same person multiple times in a row happens only after you are more certain that you might want to marry that person. In older terms, it is called “going steady.” Thus, there is less heartache because there is no early commitment<\/p>\n
Modern dating is seen as an immediate commitment. It often leads people to think they can get sexually involved. It also limits your options because the thought is that once you are dating one person, you cannot go on a date with anyone else. However, it is also about avoiding risk. “I might not find another person, so I’ll lock on this person.”<\/p>\n
Dating gives you an opportunity to get to know another person better. It should not be considered a commitment to another person. It is simply a willingness to spend more time with someone to understand them better.<\/p>\n
Avoid a contentious woman who is never satisfied and constantly finding fault (Proverbs 27:15-16. Such a woman is rarely pleased by what is around her, including you. Often a man thinks that it isn’t so bad or that it will fade over time as he takes care of her. Yet, like a dripping faucet, her complaints become increasingly irritating (Proverbs 21:9, 19).<\/p>\n
This doesn’t mean you will never disagree, but the real question is how quickly you can bounce back after a conflict (Ephesians 4:26-27). This is why love is described as “keeps no record of wrongs<\/em>” (I Corinthians 13:5 NIV). If either of you can’t let go of past problems soon, you aren’t ready for marriage.<\/p>\n Give thought for the future. We tend to be rash or impulsive when we are young (Proverbs 19:2;\u00a021:5). However, the typical couple, if they remain married, will live together for 50 years or more. It is easy to see the immediate pleasure and fun, but will it last?<\/p>\n It is easy to mistake what we imagine the future to be like for reality. We rush to get married, but we miss the problems because we don’t take the time to notice them. Or we overlook problems, pretending they aren’t there or don’t matter. Problems don’t disappear over time or through neglect. Downplaying the dangers doesn’t remove the dangers.<\/p>\n When you think your options are limited, you tend to go with what is immediately available. They will compromise their principles because they found someone willing to marry them. I often ask young people to decide who they would like to marry when they aren’t going with anyone and have no particular person in mind.<\/p>\n Love is being strongly committed to a relationship and willing to work hard to keep it. I Corinthians 13:4-8 is an excellent description. See “Love is …<\/a>” for details. I usually ask couples to read the descriptions and ask themselves whether they describe their relationship. If any aspects are missing, they haven’t achieved love yet. Also take a look at “Love is Different<\/a>.”<\/p>\n A common mistake is approaching wife selection as if the decision is completely yours to make. A marriage is the union of two<\/strong> people. The woman is considering you as you consider her. Unless the two of you come to the same conclusion that a marriage is what you want, the wedding will not happen.<\/p>\n When both the man and the woman decide they want to spend the rest of their lives together, they become engaged. The engagement period is the time taken to seriously consider the other person as your eventual spouse. It is a time to ask the deep questions about each other’s character and goals.<\/p>\n You have to get out of the mindset of thinking only about what you want. If you get married, she should need to get along with your family. Is she the kind of woman you want raising your children? The raising of children is one of the reasons for avoiding marrying someone who has different religious beliefs from your own (Nehemiah 13:23-27). Many couples think that they can handle mixed religions by each going their own way. It might work, at least until children come along. Then a huge argument starts over which beliefs the children will be raised in. The usual result is that the children grow up without any beliefs.<\/p>\n During engagement, you shift your thinking from you as an individual to you as a team working together.<\/p>\n Abraham’s servant was sent to find a wife for Isaac (Genesis 24:2-4). Abraham recognized that the women in Canaan would likely pull his son away from the Lord. Yet Abraham was unwilling to send Isaac away from the land God promised to his descendants. Consider that too often men look in the wrong places for a wife. Many settle for a worldly woman simply because she is available, then wonder why the marriage becomes difficult because of clashing beliefs.<\/p>\n The servant minimized his risks by asking about the possibility of failure (Genesis 24:5-8). Abraham told him that he would be released from his obligation if he could not find a suitable wife. Even when a man looks in the right places for a godly woman to marry, it doesn’t mean he will be successful. Are you going to settle for what is convenient, even knowing she lacks good qualities, or are you willing to keep waiting and looking?<\/p>\n When the servant arrived in Abraham’s home country, he asked God for help (Genesis 24:12-14). He listed actions he would look for as indicators of admirable character. A woman carrying a water jug shows strength and health. It also shows she is industrious. Giving a drink to a stranger who asks shows kindness and hospitality. Offering drinks to the rest of the travelers and watering the camels until they are satisfied shows someone who is not afraid of hard work and is willing to go the extra mile. Ten camels after a long journey will drink a large quantity of water. All these events were not likely to happen without the Lord’s intervention on behalf of the servant.<\/p>\n As a result, Isaac quickly fell in love with Rebekah when she returned with the servant (Genesis 24:67).<\/p>\n Could this have failed? Of course! But it succeeded because of the willingness to take reasonable risks. It would not have succeeded if all risks were avoided.<\/p>\n\t Thanks.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: Good day, I am 23 years old and have never been in a relationship. I want a Christian wife and a Christian family. I do not want to commit sin before getting married. I don’t want to mislead anybody, date multiple people, or become attached to someone I won’t ultimately marry. I would rather…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[27],"tags":[149,662],"class_list":["post-97582","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-article","tag-dating","tag-engagement"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":36237,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-it-useless-to-pray-for-a-wife\/","url_meta":{"origin":97582,"position":0},"title":"Is it useless to pray for a wife?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 24, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: When it comes to marriage, I know that we are the ones who chose who we are with. I know that God did not make nor designed a special person for you and there are millions of people on the planet with which we can possibly be happy. So\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":29397,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/should-i-quit-preaching-to-find-a-wife\/","url_meta":{"origin":97582,"position":1},"title":"Should I quit preaching to find a wife?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 3, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have been a minister now for almost 30 years. My wife left me after nearly 30 years of marriage. However, I need a helpmate. I want to date but all women are scared of dating a preacher. I understand that too. 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Engagement<\/h3>\n
An Example of Finding a Wife<\/h3>\n
Response:<\/h2>\n