If a woman accepts her husband back in desperation, can she later divorce him?<\/a>“<\/p>\nJeff Hamilton<\/p>\n\t
Question:<\/h2>\n
Is it inconsistent for anyone to say they forgive another, but then continue to hold them accountable to the debt created by the sin? That is exactly what God did to David in II Samuel 12. In one verse Nathan told David that the Lord forgave him (II Samuel 12:13), and then in the very next verse he told him that God still held him accountable to the debt created by the sin – that he must still suffer the consequences of his sin (II Samuel 12:14).<\/p>\n\t
Answer:<\/h2>\n
I’m standing in as a third party in this exchange, so forgive me if I get some of the details wrong.<\/p>\n
I think there is a problem in identifying divorce as a punishment in Matthew 19 and other locations.\u00a0 The divorce “option” is not there as a means of punishment for one party or the other.\u00a0 It may logically be thought of as a consequence, but it is not actually a punishment.\u00a0 In order for divorce to be a punishment, it would need to be required or at the very least be considered the most viable option. In Matthew 19, Jesus is minimizing it so much, that we have to work at the sentence structure in order for it to stand out enough so that we can argue over its meaning.\u00a0 In my mind it is clearly meant as a concession, a recognition that some conduct and betrayals are hard to reconcile.<\/p>\n
In addition, the concept of forgiveness and consequences do not necessarily coincide.\u00a0 I think II Samuel 12 is an excellent example of that.\u00a0 David was the one that sinned, yet it was the child that died.\u00a0 The child obviously died at least 9 months after the adultery was committed.\u00a0 The only reason we know this was a consequence of the adultery and murder is because Nathan told us.\u00a0 It is not a natural consequence.\u00a0 It is one that God inflicted — after telling David that he was forgiven.\u00a0 Also in Numbers 14, the children of Israel are forgiven by God and then he tells them that they are going to rot in the wilderness for 40 years and none of them were going to enter the land of promise.\u00a0 Pretty stiff penalty for having already been forgiven.<\/p>\n
The same can be said about many sins and crimes.\u00a0 A murderer can ask for forgiveness from God and the victim’s family — and they can all grant it, but that does not mean that the consequence of the sin (execution) is put aside because of the forgiveness.\u00a0 One of the consequences of committing adultery is that your spouse can put you away.\u00a0 Jesus did not set a timeline.\u00a0 He did not impose a statute of limitations.\u00a0 He did not impose conditions of forgiveness, non-forgiveness, penance, time off for good behavior, or any other caveat.\u00a0 To insist on any additional clarification in the matter would be to add words to what Jesus said.<\/p>\n
Now, as a matter of wisdom, I think it is possible to debate various options.\u00a0 I would agree that the longer the time between the admission of guilt and the request for divorce, the harder it will be to connect the two events in my mind.\u00a0 However, it is not my mind that you have to convince.\u00a0 You have to convince Jesus that the two are connected.\u00a0 He will actually understand all of the hidden details and he will make a righteous judgment in the matter.\u00a0 We just have to keep in mind that when he offers up his judgment, it will be final and there will be no time available to get it right, make amends or undo the choice that we made.<\/p>\n
Suppose, for the sake of discussion, that a wife cheats on her husband just one time.\u00a0 Ten years later she admits it to him and twenty years after that he wants a divorce because of the adultery.\u00a0 The immediate reaction of all normal observers is to say that the husband is just using the past event as a cover for something else.\u00a0 As an outsider, we would feel completely justified in claiming the divorce was not allowed.\u00a0 But what if the reason the husband is asking for the divorce is that the wife continues to mention “John” while they were in disagreements.\u00a0 For example, she might say “I should have stayed with John 30 years ago”.\u00a0 How does her current conduct reflect on the events of 30 years ago?\u00a0 I personally do not want to be the judge in such a situation.\u00a0 However, I can easily see with the added information that the wife has not repented and likely was not even sorry for her past conduct.\u00a0 Regardless of if the husband had forgiven her, she has made it extremely hard on him to live with her.<\/p>\n
Darrell Hamilton<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Note: I think this one came in response to a point I made about whether a spouse can claim to have forgiven his or her adulterous spouse, and then divorce him or her at a later time and claim to have the right to remarry. See: “If a woman accepts her husband back in desperation,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[424,1571],"class_list":["post-9723","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-consequences","tag-forgiveness"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":34688,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/when-you-forgive-someone-are-you-required-to-continue-talking-to-them\/","url_meta":{"origin":9723,"position":0},"title":"When you forgive someone are you required to continue talking to them?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 10, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: When you forgive a Christian brother or sister who hurt you are we required to continue to talk and be friends with them like old times, like nothing ever happened? Or can we forgive and move on? Answer: \"And forgive us our debts,\u00a0as\u00a0we forgive our debtors\" (Matthew 6:12). \"And\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":41498,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-you-help-me-with-some-arguments-advocating-divorce-for-any-reason-and-remarriage\/","url_meta":{"origin":9723,"position":1},"title":"Can you help me with some arguments advocating divorce for any reason and remarriage?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 8, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, I gave \"Are All Divorced Persons Eligible to Remarry?\" by Dave Miller at Apologetics Press\u00a0to my stepfather. He said the author was \"narrow\". Before he was baptized he had inquired about his marriage situation and was basically told he is OK. One of the leaders in our congregation\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":27609,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-can-adultery-be-an-ongoing-sin\/","url_meta":{"origin":9723,"position":2},"title":"How can adultery be an ongoing sin?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 28, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I've read a lot of information on marriage and remarriage. I see the stand is being taken that God does not honor divorce; hence, will not honor a second marriage unless for the woman it was because of adultery. I would like to know your thoughts on the story\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":55622,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/the-consequence-of-sin-can-outlive-us\/","url_meta":{"origin":9723,"position":3},"title":"The Consequence of Sin Can Outlive Us","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"November 7, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"by Kent Heaton The apostle Paul declared in Galatians 6:7, \"Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.\" There has always been consequences to sin from the moment Adam and Eve disobeyed God in the garden (Genesis 2,3). A man\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Article"","block_context":{"text":"Article","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/article\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":28246,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/if-my-husband-left-his-improper-second-marriage-could-he-marry-me-again\/","url_meta":{"origin":9723,"position":4},"title":"If my husband left his improper second marriage, could he marry me again?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 29, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have been reading a number of your \"questions-and-answers\" on your web site regarding divorce and remarriage. Could you please shed your thoughts and opinions on the following for me? I am very confused. First of all, I would like to say that I agree with your view of\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":7131,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/if-a-woman-accepts-her-husband-back-in-desperation-can-she-later-divorce-him\/","url_meta":{"origin":9723,"position":5},"title":"If a woman accepts her husband back in desperation, can she later divorce him?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"August 23, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: First of all, I want to ask your indulgence as I address a \"delicate\" topic. I do not know how to propose this question without mentioning \"sex\" or \"intercourse\". I do not want to offend anyone. I have come across this situation again and again and would like your\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9723","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9723"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9723\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9723"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9723"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9723"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}