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I think what I would tell anyone is that it’s alright to grieve the season that’s gone, but also remember that motherhood is always meant to be a stewardship, not the foundation of your identity. This is something I learned the hard way.<\/p>\nby Brandy L. Pack<\/p>\n
Some of my friends’ children are becoming independent, moving out, or getting married. They asked me for help dealing with this transition. It was a question that caught me off guard a little. I have three faithful children, and two of them are living independent lives. I also have two children who have walked away from God altogether. I don’t have it all figured out, and I’m definitely still working through it. But here is what I told my friend. Maybe it will be of some small help to someone.<\/p>\n
All I can tell you is what I feel like I’ve learned about myself. It may not help you or apply to you at all. I will admit that the season of becoming an empty nester can be both painful and joyful. I’m not going to pretend I have it all figured out.<\/p>\n
I think what I would tell anyone is that it’s alright to grieve the season that’s gone, but also remember that motherhood is always meant to be a stewardship, not the foundation of your identity. This is something I learned the hard way.<\/p>\n
Your children are a gift God gave you to love, nurture, and bring up in the admonition of the Lord. But they were never meant to be the thing that defines you. You and your children are separate people with separate character and separate souls.<\/p>\n
Someone may say, “You should be happy for them,” whenever your child moves into their own place, gets married, and starts a family. While it is a beautiful thing and probably one of your end goals for them, don’t feel guilty about being sad about it. Joy and grief can exist together. Your daily routine will change. Your conversations will change, but the feeling of being needed in certain ways doesn’t go away. Grieving for them doesn’t mean you are not proud of your faithful children or that you don’t trust them or God. It means you loved them deeply. Still, you have to allow God’s plans to move forward.<\/p>\n
When I became a mother, I took my responsibility as a Christian mother very seriously, but I’ve since realized that I made being a good mama the measure of whether I was a good Christian. I have learned, and I’m still learning, that my children’s choices as adults are ultimately between them and God. My responsibility has always been my faithfulness, not control. Oh, how I wanted to be and stay in control! That desire became detrimental to me. I had to learn that I can’t manufacture any other person’s relationship with God.<\/p>\n
It’s scary to figure out who you are when no one needs you the way young children do. You’ve spent years doing that, and now you are needed in a different way. So who are you now? It’s scary and feels like a deep pit in your stomach. I think it can also be a new adventure. Like an invitation to somewhere exciting you’ve heard about but never been to before.<\/p>\n
For years, mothers are constantly pouring out of themselves, amazingly from near-empty places even, so that when children become independent, the silence doesn’t feel normal. You can learn to let that silence be a place of comfort.<\/p>\n
Think about what talents God has given you that you haven’t had time to develop before. How can you serve others now that you weren’t able to do before? What can you do to make your home a place your children think of fondly and love coming back to?<\/p>\n
The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that I should have spent more time building my identity in Christ, not in motherhood, because when motherhood changed, I felt lost. I’ve learned that I really was, and still am, a daughter of God, heir of salvation, purchased by Christ’s perfect blood. I just happened to have been raising children for a season.<\/p>\n
Now I have to serve God in this season. Children are a heritage from the Lord (Psalms 127:3-4). God gave them to me to care for. Their value is far above any earthly treasure. But they are not mine to possess forever.<\/p>\n
Galatians 2:20 “I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.<\/p>\n
God helped me learn that my children were never meant to be my identity. They were meant to be a part of my obedience. I’m still figuring out what being a faithful servant looks like in this season. One day, this season will change too, and I’ll have to figure it out again.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
by Brandy L. Pack Some of my friends’ children are becoming independent, moving out, or getting married. They asked me for help dealing with this transition. It was a question that caught me off guard a little. I have three faithful children, and two of them are living independent lives. I also have two children…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[27,1028,1034],"tags":[665,1311,29,107],"class_list":["post-96553","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-article","category-parenting","category-teenager","tag-child-rearing","tag-mothers","tag-parenting","tag-raising-children"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":61093,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/why-it-is-necessary-to-teach-children-godly-values\/","url_meta":{"origin":96553,"position":0},"title":"Why It Is Necessary to Teach Children Godly Values","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 29, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"Author Unknown Children, without teaching and training, do not know about true values, especially godly ones. They depend on their parents to teach them what is valuable or not, right and wrong, truth and error, good and bad. Left alone, kids have a slim chance of becoming knowledgeable about such\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Article"","block_context":{"text":"Article","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/article\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":13884,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-child-is-constantly-angry\/","url_meta":{"origin":96553,"position":1},"title":"My child is constantly angry","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 24, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My 6 (almost 7) year old daughter is constantly angry. Anytime we tell her, \"no,\" or she doesn't get her way, she gets this \"angry face\" and stomps around and pouts, or runs to her room to have a fit. I don't give in to her when she behaves\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Childhood"","block_context":{"text":"Childhood","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/parenting\/childhood\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":82724,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/two-necessary-things-in-christian-parenting\/","url_meta":{"origin":96553,"position":2},"title":"Two Necessary Things in Christian Parenting","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 31, 2024","format":false,"excerpt":"by Jen Venuso Whether or not you make New Year's resolutions (I've been both), you're likely reflecting on the past and looking forward to the next year. Right now, I'm heavily in the throes of parenting, so much of my reflection settles there. As a bio\/foster\/adoptive mom to seven kids\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Article"","block_context":{"text":"Article","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/article\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/children-300x200.avif","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":39710,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/since-my-divorce-my-children-no-longer-believe-in-god-what-can-i-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":96553,"position":3},"title":"Since my divorce, my children no longer believe in God. What can I do?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 13, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, Several years ago my wife became involved in a charismatic group and my marriage fell apart. As I dealt with this situation over the years, I see the effects on my children from what has happened. They were preteens and teenagers when the divorce happened. Throughout all of\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":60394,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/thoughts-on-parenting\/","url_meta":{"origin":96553,"position":4},"title":"Thoughts on Parenting","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"April 20, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Adapted from a study by Ralph Walker via\u00a0The Exhorter, Bulletin for the Henderson Blvd. church of Christ in Tampa, FL June 2009. Parenting has never been easy. But ask yourself this question. Do you really think your parents had as tough a time rearing you as you have with your\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Article"","block_context":{"text":"Article","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/article\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":44327,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/do-parents-get-sad-when-their-children-hit-puberty\/","url_meta":{"origin":96553,"position":5},"title":"Do parents get sad when their children hit puberty?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 7, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Do parents get sad when their kids hit puberty? I've seen a lot of parents get sad when their little boy hits puberty. Answer: The early years of a child's life are rough on most parents. Caring for a baby takes a lot of time and energy. 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