I have been a Christian for many years. I had been with a man once after I became a Christian, but I have been living a life of abstinence before and after that brief “living together” period. I have been bugged by sexual desires and fantasies when I am in love with a man, as I am at present. I confessed my obvious extra-marital sexual sin to God in prayer with our pastor\u2019s wife. To keep my thoughts pure is a constant struggle. Would it be advisable to remain single and live a life of abstinence and dedication to God for the rest of my life and trust Him to deliver me from my physical desires, or may I hope and pray for a husband? My desire is to be married and to have children of my own, but could I or dare I, especially if the man whom I love has not been with a woman before?<\/p>\n\t
“Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but\u00a0if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion<\/strong><\/em>” (I Corinthians 7:1-9).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
I am amazed that people reach the conclusion that they have no right to marriage because they have committed sexual sins in the past. The only group of people to whom marriage has been forbidden is those who broke their marriage covenant by having sex with someone outside their marriage (Matthew 19:9).<\/p>\n
Even Paul’s advice in I Corinthians 7 is tempered by “I suppose therefore that this is good\u00a0because of the present distress<\/strong>–that it is good for a man to remain as he is<\/em>” (I Corinthians 7:26). Paul advised remaining unmarried because of the current level of persecution, not because he thought it the best way to live life in general.<\/p>\n
Somehow people think that denying themselves somehow makes them more holy. “Therefore, if you died with Christ from the basic principles of the world, why, as though living in the world, do you subject yourselves to regulations– “Do not touch, do not taste, do not handle,” which all concern things which perish with the using–according to the commandments and doctrines of men?\u00a0These things indeed have an appearance of wisdom in self-imposed religion, false humility, and neglect of the body, but are of no value against the indulgence of the flesh<\/strong><\/em>” (Colossians 2:20-23). Marriage has been blessed by God (Matthew 19:4-6; Hebrews 13:4). Avoiding marriage doesn’t make you more religious or righteous. Instead, the denial of your sexual desire simply sets you up for greater temptation by Satan to use those desires to violate the laws of God.<\/p>\n
So find a godly man, commit yourself to each other for the rest of your lives, and “Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and in the labor which you perform under the sun<\/em>” (Ecclesiastes 9:9).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Question: I have been a Christian for many years. I had been with a man once after I became a Christian, but I have been living a life of abstinence before and after that brief “living together” period. I have been bugged by sexual desires and fantasies when I am in love with a man,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[1572,64],"class_list":["post-9454","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-fornication","tag-marriage"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":26623,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/abstinence-is-reasonable\/","url_meta":{"origin":9454,"position":0},"title":"Abstinence Is Reasonable","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 31, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"by David Diestelkamp via\u00a0Think on These Things \"For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication\" (I Thessalonians 4:3). Society is totally confused. It wants people to be reasonable (thinking, logically) about sex. It wants them to think about civil law, time and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Article"","block_context":{"text":"Article","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/article\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":90898,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/ive-been-living-irresponsibly-but-i-want-to-serve-god\/","url_meta":{"origin":9454,"position":1},"title":"I’ve been living irresponsibly, but I want to serve God","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 1, 2025","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Dear Sir, I am a 35-year-old single man. I am writing this with utmost shame, disgust, and remorse for my sinful and irresponsible lifestyle when it comes to the sexual department. I have been very immoral, you name it, I am entirely guilty of the sin. Whether it be\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":36592,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/could-you-explain-more-about-fornication-lust-and-desire\/","url_meta":{"origin":9454,"position":2},"title":"Could you explain more about fornication, lust, and desire?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 20, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: To start off, I just want to say I am not trying to be\u00a0antagonistic\u00a0to your response in \"My boyfriend and I keep falling into sexual sin. What should we do?\" but rather trying to fully reconcile what people say the Bible says to the lives we actually live --\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":23326,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-can-i-help-my-boyfriend-with-his-sexual-desires\/","url_meta":{"origin":9454,"position":3},"title":"How can I help my boyfriend with his sexual desires?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 10, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I'm 25 years old and a Christian. I am in my first relationship as a Christian. My boyfriend is a backslider. We had sex once. I know it was wrong. I repented and I believe God has forgiven me. I am not going to do it again until we\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":44484,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-just-want-a-happier-environment-for-my-child-and-me\/","url_meta":{"origin":9454,"position":4},"title":"I just want a happier environment for my child and me","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 31, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, I am currently unemployed and have been for 6 months. Four years ago I fell in love with someone else. My goal is to find another job, then my child and I will move, or whatever we as the parents decide. We had a huge argument a few\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":44273,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-boyfriend-doesnt-believe-in-complete-abstinence-so-we-have-come-close-to-having-sex-too-many-times-what-do-i-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":9454,"position":5},"title":"My boyfriend doesn’t believe in complete abstinence, so we have come close to having sex too many times. What do I do?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 5, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hey, I really needed to pour out my mind to someone else, and I saw people with similar problems emailing you on the Internet. I really need help. I'm at a point in my life where I long to serve God more. I want to truly be His daughter\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9454","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9454"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9454\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9454"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9454"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9454"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}