by Brad Harrub, Ph.D.<\/p>\n
There are few pains more confusing than being wounded by people who wear the name of Christ.<\/p>\n
Many parents have sat in pews with a knot in their stomach-betrayed by leadership, ignored in suffering, judged unfairly, or damaged by hypocrisy. Some have endured church splits, public shaming, mishandled discipline, gossip, or spiritual neglect. The pain is real. The confusion is real. And pretending it doesn’t exist only deepens the wound.<\/p>\n
I know-because my family has lived it. We know firsthand how it feels to have people spread false rumors about you. We know what it feels like when elders refuse to follow Scripture or to lead properly. We know what it’s like to go through a traumatic situation. We know what it’s like to be treated unfairly by church members.<\/p>\n
But here is the truth that must be spoken clearly-you can go through deep hurt in the church and still raise children who love the Lord, trust His Word, and remain faithful. We know because my wife and I raised four exceptionally faithful kids who watched us go through some very bad situations.<\/p>\n
So the question is, how do you prepare them to brace themselves for a storm?<\/p>\n
One of the most important lessons a parent can teach is the difference between Jesus and those who claim to follow Him.<\/p>\n
Scripture never sugarcoats the reality that God’s people fail.<\/p>\n
Yet none of these walked away from God because people failed them.<\/p>\n
Parents who help their children see this distinction-without excuses and without bitterness-lay a foundation for durable faith. Christ remains perfect even when His people are not.<\/p>\n
The crucial issue is not whether your children know you were hurt. The crucial issue is how they watch you respond.<\/p>\n
Children are always taking notes. Usually, mental notes.<\/p>\n
They observe whether parents become cynical or prayerful. Whether they speak with restraint or with rage. Whether disappointment drives them away from God-or deeper into His Word. They watch if parents frame the situation as “our family versus the church.” Remember, the church belongs to Christ-it is always good, even if the body inside has problems.<\/p>\n
David said, “I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord<\/em>” (Psalms 27:13). Children need to see parents who refuse to lose heart-even when circumstances would justify it.<\/p>\n If church hurt leads to constant complaining, sarcasm about Christians, or open disdain for the church, children quietly learn that faith is fragile and conditional.<\/p>\n But when parents handle pain with humility, truth, and an unwavering love for God, children learn something powerful: God is worthy even when situations are hard.<\/p>\n One of the greatest dangers after church hurt is letting that experience slowly erode visible devotion. It is very easy to skip some services or fellowship activities if those who hurt you will be present. Attend anyway!! God is worthy.<\/p>\n Parents who forget this may still “believe,” but prayer fades. Bible reading diminishes. Worship becomes optional. And children notice the shift long before parents do.<\/p>\n The command to parents found in Deuteronomy 6 is not conditional on whether things are going smoothly. The text says, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words… shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children.<\/em>“<\/p>\n Children must see that pain does not steal affection for God.<\/p>\n That does not mean pretending everything is fine. It means letting children see that God is still trusted, still obeyed, still loved-even when circumstances disappoint.<\/p>\n After church conflict, there is a temptation to center the conversation on people-what someone said, what leadership did wrong, who failed. Or maybe a preacher you loved was let go, and you don’t understand why.<\/p>\n Here’s something to remember-faith cannot survive if it is built on personalities.\u00a0Paul warned against this very danger: “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase… so then neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but God<\/em>” (I Corinthians 3:6-7).<\/p>\n Parents must intentionally redirect their homes toward Scripture-daily reading, open discussions, honest questions, and careful application. Children must learn that God’s Word remains steady even when people wobble.<\/p>\n Because here’s the dirty little truth no one talks about. If your children watch you go through a church issue and not forgive, then they will likely do the same years later with even a weaker faith.<\/p>\n So I want to encourage parents-you can go through church issues and still raise faithful children. Oftentimes, faith that survives disappointment is stronger than one that has never tested.<\/p>\n When parents remain faithful despite hardship, children see faith that is real-not shallow, not dependent on comfort, but anchored in truth.<\/p>\n If you have been hurt in the church, your pain is real. But your children are watching.<\/p>\nLet them see a faith that endures. Your response today may be the very thing that anchors your children’s faith tomorrow.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" by Brad Harrub, Ph.D. There are few pains more confusing than being wounded by people who wear the name of Christ. Many parents have sat in pews with a knot in their stomach-betrayed by leadership, ignored in suffering, judged unfairly, or damaged by hypocrisy. Some have endured church splits, public shaming, mishandled discipline, gossip, or…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[27,1028],"tags":[665,1200,1842,29,107],"class_list":["post-93249","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-article","category-parenting","tag-child-rearing","tag-disagreements","tag-disappointment","tag-parenting","tag-raising-children"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":60394,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/thoughts-on-parenting\/","url_meta":{"origin":93249,"position":0},"title":"Thoughts on Parenting","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"April 20, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Adapted from a study by Ralph Walker via\u00a0The Exhorter, Bulletin for the Henderson Blvd. church of Christ in Tampa, FL June 2009. Parenting has never been easy. But ask yourself this question. Do you really think your parents had as tough a time rearing you as you have with your\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Article"","block_context":{"text":"Article","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/article\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":92089,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-it-still-possible-to-raise-godly-children\/","url_meta":{"origin":93249,"position":1},"title":"Is It Still Possible to Raise Godly Children?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"November 13, 2025","format":false,"excerpt":"by Darrell Smelser via\u00a0InLight Media Marriage is hard on its own. Parenting is a tough job in and of itself. However, with the world being so divided and complex, cultivating a godly family feels even more challenging these days. 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What we have been doing during worship for a year now is keeping him up late on Saturday night so he will sleep in the \"nursing room\" most\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":59452,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-it-normal-for-an-eight-year-old-boy-to-be-touching-himself\/","url_meta":{"origin":93249,"position":3},"title":"Is it normal for an eight-year-old boy to be touching himself?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 22, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: We have custody of an 8-year-old boy. During the first six years of his life, he was exposed to drugs, sex, filthy language, compulsive lying, and a lot of antisocial behavior from his mother and other adults in his life. He frequently puts his hands down his pants out\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Childhood"","block_context":{"text":"Childhood","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/parenting\/childhood\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":61093,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/why-it-is-necessary-to-teach-children-godly-values\/","url_meta":{"origin":93249,"position":4},"title":"Why It Is Necessary to Teach Children Godly Values","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 29, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"Author Unknown Children, without teaching and training, do not know about true values, especially godly ones. They depend on their parents to teach them what is valuable or not, right and wrong, truth and error, good and bad. Left alone, kids have a slim chance of becoming knowledgeable about such\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Article"","block_context":{"text":"Article","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/article\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":44403,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/im-afraid-my-son-is-gay\/","url_meta":{"origin":93249,"position":5},"title":"I’m afraid my son is gay","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 27, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I sense my son is gay because he has never had a girlfriend. And I have caught him watching gay porn. I raised him in the church, where it is taught that that is a sin. 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Anchor Their Faith in Scripture, Not Personalities<\/h2>\n
Model Forgiveness Without Excusing Sin<\/h2>\nFinally, and this may be hard for some of you…you need to forgive and keep growing. Forgiveness is not denial. It is not a weakness. It is obedience. Paul wrote, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you<\/em>” (Ephesians 4:32).
\nWhen children see parents forgive-without minimizing wrongdoing-they learn that justice belongs to God (Romans 12:19), and bitterness does not have to rule the heart.\nFaith Is Often Strengthened Through Difficulty<\/h2>\n
\nA love for God that does not fade.
\nA response that honors Christ-even when others did not.\n