Dear Jeffrey,<\/p>\n
I hope you are doing well and that your weekend was good. I would like to ask for your thoughts on a situation. To make a long story short, my household is of different beliefs. Both my wife and I are members of the church, but over time, through personal experiences and following certain teachers, my spouse has adopted some “hyper-charismatic” beliefs: you have to be very careful about being witched, there are still Apostles and Prophets with live call-in shows, people (even Christians) need deliverance from demons, etc. At the same time, “every church” is apparently okay; it is just a matter of “You do you, and I’ll do me.” It becomes a real problem when I try to ask questions about whether a belief is biblical, etc. My spouse often becomes very unapproachable and flips it back, accusing me of being a religious “know-it-all,” a Pharisee, and other things. And I certainly do not help matters because I sometimes get sensitive as well, and my emotions (frustration especially) can get the best of me. We both end up making mistakes with our words and attitudes when this happens. In any case, trying to show a “Berean spirit” by checking doctrines and beliefs against the Scriptures is a dangerous prospect that invites ridicule. Even asking questions like “What does this prophet teach about baptism?” ends up in “Ask them! Leave me alone.” So, over time, I have become quiet and shy instead of saying what I feel should be said. Discernment and discretion are valuable things!<\/p>\n
I know what I need to do in this situation-pray, pray, and pray. And to love my wife no matter what. The good thing, as I’ve said, is that my wife is of the church, but the teachings she’s adopted just seem so far off to me. And she does not prevent or protest me from attending church services and so on. But she personally wants nothing to do with it-she just wants to watch her “prophet” teachers online instead. I know what the Bible says about living with unbelieving spouses, though I know this case is slightly different because she isn’t “unbelieving” in that sense. But it is tough. Our marriage and love for each other are both very strong and good, but this problem makes it very hard to communicate openly. I often feel tempted not to be honest-to be quiet or say I’m okay when, in fact, that situation is bothering me. It is disheartening to try and ask about the Scriptures and then get blasted with endless testimonies and anecdotes instead of the Bible, accusations of being a Pharisee, or Bible concepts (in my view) being taken too far and out of context.<\/p>\n
For my wife, there are some old wounds related to the church. She grew up in a church of Christ that may have taught correct doctrine, but there was dishonesty, immorality, and other things in the church. And, as I mentioned, very sensitive personal experiences seemed to confirm beliefs for her that are very common in her culture (e.g., Witchcraft, spirits, demons, etc.). I still hold out hope because she is not opposed to my continuing with the local brethren, and there are local Christians who love her and hope to reach out to her. There is a lot of stubbornness in this matter, I must say. But we will be praying for a heart to change from pride to humility.<\/p>\n
If you don’t mind giving some advice, I’d appreciate it. I also need prayers to be gentler and more self-controlled, but also bold in what needs to be believed and said. We have a good marriage, and my wife truly has a very grounded sense of Christian belief and morality. But when her current beliefs are challenged, it becomes a battle. So, this is a crucial area that can sometimes become toxic.<\/p>\n
Thank you very much and take care. May God bless your efforts and work in the Kingdom.<\/p>\n\t
I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this situation. You are correct that gentleness will be needed to guide her back to the truth. “The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will<\/em>” (II Timothy 2:24-26).<\/p>\n Your wife is a former Christian. She once believed the truth, but she has left it. Since she is no longer a true believer, Paul’s advice applies: “And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?<\/em>” (I Corinthians 7:13-16). Perhaps, one day, your consistency will persuade her of the truth.<\/p>\n Her world is based on emotions, not on truth. That is why she lashes out whenever you bring up the Scriptures. I suspect she knows she has no foundation for what she wants to believe. That is why she doesn’t even attempt to justify herself with the Scriptures — except for a few passages taken out of context. I don’t know if she would be willing to have family Bible readings. Learning the Scriptures might break the ice over time.<\/p>\n\t Hi again,<\/p>\n Thank you for your advice and reminders. We have recently discussed praying more frequently and reading the Bible together with intention. We can indeed both be poor communicators when discussing important matters.<\/p>\n We really need to pray that she changes her current thinking. Anytime a doctrine is pointed out, it inevitably becomes “Is the Church perfect? Don’t judge! I have the Holy Spirit; my conscience is not bothering me, so leave me alone.” Or “Doctrine is not important to me,” even after showing verses that clearly state that proper teaching is stressed multiple times in the Bible. And the situation is often flipped back, where the focus becomes my communication, pointing out doctrine is perceived as “judgmental,” and saying that something is right or wrong is seen as “pride.” I believe that we will get through this with lots <\/b>of prayer and patience. Perhaps neither of us has done enough of either, and that led us to this difficulty.<\/p>\n\t When you use the Scriptures to answer her points, she is arguing with God, not you. It is God’s doctrine that will change her if she eventually allows it. Be patient. Be consistent. Be kind. Know that you are doing your best in a difficult situation.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: Dear Jeffrey, I hope you are doing well and that your weekend was good. I would like to ask for your thoughts on a situation. To make a long story short, my household is of different beliefs. Both my wife and I are members of the church, but over time, through personal experiences and…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[143,546],"class_list":["post-91591","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-charismatic","tag-feelings"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":14705,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-enjoyed-your-article-on-the-azusa-street-revival\/","url_meta":{"origin":91591,"position":0},"title":"I enjoyed your article on the Azusa Street revival","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"April 25, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I grew up in a Church of Christ. I'm in a foreign country teaching English, and a friend of mine sent me a book about revival. It's called\u00a0The Blueprint: A revolutionary plan to plant missional communities on campus. I don't really like the book so far because of a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":9863,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/what-is-the-redeemed-christian-church-of-god\/","url_meta":{"origin":91591,"position":1},"title":"What is the Redeemed Christian Church of God?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 19, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I am a member of the Church of Christ and I study with many that are outside of the body of Christ. I have been doing Bible studies with a couple of different people\u00a0in different states who say they attend worship at a Redeemed Christian Church of God. \u00a0I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":39710,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/since-my-divorce-my-children-no-longer-believe-in-god-what-can-i-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":91591,"position":2},"title":"Since my divorce, my children no longer believe in God. What can I do?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 13, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, Several years ago my wife became involved in a charismatic group and my marriage fell apart. As I dealt with this situation over the years, I see the effects on my children from what has happened. They were preteens and teenagers when the divorce happened. Throughout all of\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":18223,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-it-proper-to-grieve-over-someone-who-is-deluded-by-false-teachers\/","url_meta":{"origin":91591,"position":3},"title":"Is it proper to grieve over someone who is deluded by false teachers?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 26, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: It's been some time since\u00a0I've written. I'm the fellow whose wife joined a charismatic group and said that God told her to divorce me and this was supported by her Christian friends because I was not Christ-like and had an issue with the charismatic stuff. Although I've given up\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":10870,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-i-tell-my-cousin-that-mormonism-is-wrong\/","url_meta":{"origin":91591,"position":4},"title":"How do I tell my cousin that Mormonism is wrong?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 17, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My cousin just starting going to a Mormon church. She once used to go to a Christian Church but has started going to church with her ex-mother-in-law. How should I begin to tell that the church she is going is not one of Christ and is pretty much a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":17430,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/miraculous-gifts\/","url_meta":{"origin":91591,"position":5},"title":"Miraculous Gifts","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 1, 2024","format":false,"excerpt":"Download Audio by Jeffrey W. Hamilton Text: Acts 3:1-11 \u00a0 I.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0For decades many of the traditional denominations have been in decline. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0A.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0The more liberal the beliefs, the larger the decline. Those espousing conservative views show some growth. But the ones showing strong growth are the charismatic groups \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0B.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Name the largest\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Audio"","block_context":{"text":"Audio","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/audio\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/91591","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=91591"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/91591\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=91591"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=91591"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=91591"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Question:<\/h2>\n
Answer:<\/h2>\n