by Doy Moyer<\/p>\n
Working with people is challenging because we often have differences that extend beyond preferences in styles and tastes. We sometimes differ over what we deem significant matters, and we need to know how to approach not only the issues but also the fact of our differences and the attitudes we exhibit. If we act too harshly and hastily, we may lose the respect and relationships that we cherish. If we don’t do anything, we may compromise truth and fail to be faithful to the Lord. There is, then, a balance that we need to maintain, and I would like to suggest the following as a baseline for approaching differences. This assumes that Scripture is the written standard to which we should appeal (II Timothy 3:16-17).<\/p>\n
Love is to be the underlying attitude. Jesus chose disciples who may have had various differences (e.g., Simon and Matthew), but all of them were to learn to love “just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another<\/em>” (John 13:34-35). This underlying love would serve them throughout all the difficulties they would face. Likewise, our love for one another undergirds our efforts to resolve differences with honor.<\/p>\n The goal is unity based on truth, so that God may be glorified (see Ephesians 4:1-3). We should never compromise truth, nor is such compromise necessary to accomplish our goals. Some may think that allowing for differences compromises the truth, but this is not the case. Scripture regulates what to do when there are certain types of differences (Romans 14). This is not to say that no differences are significant enough to warrant going our separate ways. It is to say, though, that we can hold to truth while forbearing with one another and patiently teaching and working through differences. If we all approach these patiently with the desire to hold to truth and glorify God, then we have a much greater probability of working it out.<\/p>\n Assume the best motives in your brothers and sisters. “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things<\/em>” (I Corinthians 13:7). We should not assume that just because others differ that they must have ill motives. This assumption is cloaked in pride. Instead, God calls for our humility, doing nothing from selfishness but seeking the interests of others just as Christ has done (Philippians 2:1-8). We ought humbly to assume that others want to unite in truth and love. Give the benefit of the doubt and treat others as you want to be treated (Matthew 7:12).<\/p>\n As far as it depends on you, be at peace. “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all<\/em>” (Romans 12:18). Seek reconciliation. Determine never to be the cause of division among brethren. If there is a rift or you sense tension, then be the one who makes the move to go see your brother or sister. Think about this principle stated by Jesus: “If you are offering your gift at the altar and you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift<\/em>” (Matthew 5:23-24). Reconciliation and peace among brethren are that important! If we harbor resentment or anger, then we will not be able to worship God properly.<\/p>\n Seek to understand and be understood. Communication is key. Go out of your way to clarify both what you are saying and what those who differ are saying. Many divisions occur due to misunderstandings, often followed by a refusal to clarify and discuss them. Learn to represent other positions correctly so that we aren’t straw-manning and basing a division on faulty information. Listen to one another with the intent to understand and respect one another’s freedom to think. Remember that “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion<\/em>” (Proverbs 18:2).<\/p>\n Pray for those with whom you differ. Prayer is always appropriate, but pray especially for one another. Indeed, we should pray with one another to express our mutual desire for truth, love, and fellowship with God and each other. “Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. At the same time, pray also for us, that God may open to us a door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ, on account of which I am in prison – that I may make it clear, which is how I ought to speak<\/em>” (Colossians 4:2-4).<\/p>\nTruth<\/h2>\n
Motives<\/h2>\n
Peace<\/h2>\n
Communicate<\/h2>\n
Pray<\/h2>\n
Mercy<\/h2>\n