by Dylan Stewart<\/p>\n
When we find ourselves in the middle of a disagreement with someone, it is important that we maintain the correct attitude during these challenging situations. If we are not careful, we can escalate what started as a minor problem and turn a disagreement into something far more destructive.<\/p>\n
Whenever we disagree with someone, it is vitally important that, before we say or do anything, we ensure that whatever we say or do is rooted in love. Paul wrote, “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things<\/em>” (I Corinthians 13:4-7). If we properly love the person with whom we disagree, we will remain patient amid the disagreement, we will give the person the benefit of the doubt by not assigning evil motive without concrete evidence, we will continue to be kind in our interactions even if the other person is not acting kindly toward us (Matthew 5:43-48), and we will not allow ourselves to become easily provoked by any anything that is said or done with which we disagree. It takes a concerted effort during disagreements to manifest the love God requires from His people.<\/p>\n Another important first step to take during disagreements is to remain humble. Philippians 2:3 tells us, “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.” Humility will lead us to accept and acknowledge when we are in the wrong; conversely, humility will lead us to “accept wrong” (even though we are the ones in the right) for the sake of peace (1 Corinthians 6:7); and humility will promote “harmony” even during unharmonious situations (Romans 12:16). Humility is key to navigating every kind of disagreement. Pride will only cause disagreements to escalate and worsen.<\/p>\n Whenever tensions start to rise during a disagreement, it is tempting to want to speak rather than listen. Yet, it is always important to listen first before speaking. The Spirit commands, “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath<\/em>” (James 1:19). Too often, disagreements are compounded because people feel compelled to get the first and last words in the conversation. However, when we are quick to speak rather than listen, we risk making inaccurate and misplaced judgments. The writer of Proverbs says, “He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him<\/em>” (Proverbs 18:13). There is a difference between waiting our turn to speak and truly listening. If we seek to understand the other person’s perspective as we should, we will not resolve the matter before taking the time to listen. This requires patience (Ephesians 4:2), and patience will improve almost any situation. Impatience, on the other hand, often worsens the situation, especially when it causes us to speak before listening.<\/p>\n Whenever we find ourselves in a disagreement, our goal should always be standing on the side of truth, whether factually or spiritually (I Corinthians 13:6; Proverbs 23:23). We should never seek to sacrifice the truth, but such stands for truth should never cause us to neglect our responsibility of seeking peace with all men (Romans 12:8). Though we may try to seek peace, such is not always attainable, especially when the opposing side lacks love, humility, and patience. If we pursue peace but harmony is not possible, we must continue to love the person, remain humble in our interactions, and stay patient with them, even if it becomes increasingly difficult to do so. Ultimately, if we realize we are in a situation where we are at risk of sinning, the opposing side has no desire for peace, or the person refuses to acknowledge the truth of the matter, we must recognize when it is time to stop and, therefore, disengage from the conflict. The wise man concluded, “It is honorable for a man to stop striving, since any fool can start a quarrel<\/em>” (Proverbs 20:3). It takes strength to stop and step away from a disagreement that is on the brink of turning into or has already become a heated situation. We all have a responsibility to patiently and humbly correct people, especially when it comes to spiritual matters (II Timothy 2:24-26), but we also must be strong and wise enough to recognize when we are in a “no-win situation” and have begun casting our pearls before swine (Matthew 7:6). Sometimes – although difficult – we must be willing to shake the dust off our feet and move on (Matthew 10:14), all the while praying that the person with whom we disagree will eventually see the truth on whatever is causing the disagreement.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" by Dylan Stewart When we find ourselves in the middle of a disagreement with someone, it is important that we maintain the correct attitude during these challenging situations. If we are not careful, we can escalate what started as a minor problem and turn a disagreement into something far more destructive. Whenever we disagree with…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[27],"tags":[1200,253,456],"class_list":["post-88368","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-article","tag-disagreements","tag-fellowship","tag-unity"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":81519,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/when-men-disagree\/","url_meta":{"origin":88368,"position":0},"title":"When Men Disagree","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 11, 2024","format":false,"excerpt":"Adapted by Raymond Warfel From \"When We Disagree\" by Mike Willis Guardian of Truth, XL:9, p. 2, 2 May 1996 Brethren do disagree from time to time despite their desire to be united in the Spirit. We are not likely to remove all areas of disagreement any more than we\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Article"","block_context":{"text":"Article","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/article\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":47781,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/when-we-disagree\/","url_meta":{"origin":88368,"position":1},"title":"When We Disagree","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 30, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"by Doy Moyer Be generous.\u00a0Assume the best first. Don't assign evil motives to other parties. They may have intended something else. Let the principles of love guide our discussions (I Cor 13:4-8). Be respectful.\u00a0Don't begin a response by insulting and insinuating that the other parties are intellectually deficient. Just address\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Article"","block_context":{"text":"Article","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/article\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":92692,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/why-everything-is-personal-now-and-why-disagreement-is-treated-like-sin\/","url_meta":{"origin":88368,"position":2},"title":"Why Everything Is Personal Now\u2014and Why Disagreement Is Treated Like Sin","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 20, 2025","format":false,"excerpt":"by Brad Harrub, Ph.D. We are living in an age when disagreement is no longer viewed as a difference of thought-it is treated as a moral failure. If you don't hold my position, you are not just wrong\u2026you are evil, unloving, or sinful. Every discussion is personal. Every debate is\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Article"","block_context":{"text":"Article","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/article\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":22234,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-it-good-in-a-relationship-to-express-our-true-feelings-so-we-can-know-each-other-better\/","url_meta":{"origin":88368,"position":3},"title":"Is it good in a relationship to express our true feelings so we can know each other better?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 18, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Your advice is really solid. One thing we've decided to do in our relationship is to give each other the freedom to express our true feelings and reaction so we can know each other better. Sometimes things get too bad, and we end up emotionally hurt. But we don't\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":32798,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/false-teaching-and-fellowship\/","url_meta":{"origin":88368,"position":4},"title":"False Teaching and Fellowship","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 1, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"by\u00a0Frank Jamerson Sentry Magazine, December 2000 The issue of false teaching and fellowship is not a new one. 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