I am a married man. A number of years ago, I was dating the woman who eventually became my wife. At that time, I served in the church, but I had inappropriate conversations with a married woman in the same church. She sent me a photo that I asked for that showed indecent cleavage. That’s as far as it went because she wanted to commit adultery, but I didn’t have the courage for something like that. Once she saw that I was unwilling, she did not speak to me again about it.<\/p>\n
Everything changed a few years ago. God changed my heart and my life. I confessed to my wife what had happened before our marriage and that I failed to talk to her about everything. We are still going to church today, and she is now my wife. She forgave me. I confessed everything to her before I wanted to marry her and do things right. The issue seems to be closed. But I kept thinking that I should have told her husband what had happened. I’m sure she has been unfaithful to him with other men. They are still together. It is like a marriage, but by its fruits, it seems they do not know the Lord. When he speaks, everything has a double meaning. So, I have doubts about confessing to her husband.<\/p>\n
I read a lot on your page about OCD-religion, and I have suspicions that, even if I am not diagnosed, I may be suffering from it because I feel worried. This issue has consumed me for the last three weeks, along with telling you that I am giving up masturbation. I have been masturbating for two months, and I don’t feel comfortable with it.<\/p>\n
Thank you very much for your help and advice, which lies in knowing what to do or if I need to do something like what I do. I said about confession.<\/p>\n
I forgot to tell you that I have asked for advice from my uncles, who are my spiritual mentors. They told me that I should not say anything because I confessed my sin to the Lord, and my wife and I abandoned it. Friends in Christ have advised me the same, but that thought distresses me, and I can’t let it go.<\/p>\n\t
Given that she has been repeatedly unfaithful to her husband, telling him is not going to tell him something he doesn’t already know. While she tried to get you to commit adultery, you stopped it before it went that far. What you did was wrong (Ephesians 5:3-5), but I don’t see how telling the husband will benefit him.<\/p>\n
When you repent of your sins, you attempt to minimize the damage caused (II Corinthians 7:11). You can’t eliminate the damage in many cases. Nor can you apologize to everyone since they may no longer be contactable. However, God doesn’t require that every person you may have harmed has to forgive you. Nor does He require you to confess your sins to every person affected by your sin. He requires you to confess your sins to Him (I John 1:9) and repent (II Peter 3:9).<\/p>\n
You are adding additional requirements on yourself that God did not place. You have left your sin. Focus on strengthening other people.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n\t
Thank you very much for your answer. It is a great blessing to me, and I appreciate the time you took to analyze my case.<\/p>\n
Perhaps I am experiencing this mental torment or wanting to put more conditions on myself than God put since we attend the same church, and in fact, he is kind to me. I obviously do not seek to be near that woman, but perhaps I feel this precisely because I get along with him, and we have contact in the church.<\/p>\n\t
Instead of punishing yourself for your past sins, look for ways to improve your brother in Christ. Encourage him to improve his relationship with his wife. There may be a day when he will need a friend if she destroys their marriage.<\/p>\n\t
Thank you very much for your response. It is clear that I have to work on believing God’s promises that He makes all things new since I still think I would be the least suitable person to help him. I want to help him, but I know that he never knew about my wrongdoing. It would be better for me to keep a prudent distance and treat him well.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Question: I am a married man. A number of years ago, I was dating the woman who eventually became my wife. At that time, I served in the church, but I had inappropriate conversations with a married woman in the same church. She sent me a photo that I asked for that showed indecent cleavage.…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[51,156,770],"class_list":["post-84250","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-confession","tag-lust","tag-sexual-talk"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":40389,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-told-my-wife-i-had-inappropriate-conversations-with-a-woman-but-i-didnt-mention-i-had-sex-with-her-my-wife-thinks-im-lying-must-i-tell-her-everything\/","url_meta":{"origin":84250,"position":0},"title":"I told my wife I had inappropriate conversations with a woman, but I didn’t mention I had sex with her. My wife thinks I’m lying. Must I tell her everything?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 23, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I've confessed to my wife for having inappropriate conversations with a woman in church five years ago.\u00a0 Now what I haven't told her is that I had a sexual relationship with her.\u00a0 She has asked if I kissed or had sex with her and I chose not to answer\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":35277,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/if-i-dream-a-woman-wanted-me-does-it-not-mean-we-are-married\/","url_meta":{"origin":84250,"position":1},"title":"If I dream a woman wanted me, does it not mean we are married?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 13, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I was in a dream one night and saw a lady in my church trying to sleep with me. I ran away from her but she was desperate. Her younger brother, with her in that dream, was asking me why I don't want to marry his sister. Physically, she\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":83895,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-i-get-married-in-the-church\/","url_meta":{"origin":84250,"position":2},"title":"Can I get married in the church?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 30, 2025","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, I have a question. It happened months ago, but I want to know about this concern. I was studying doctrine. I liked a brother, and I decided to go out with him. We were like boyfriend and girlfriend but never agreed to be in a relationship. That date\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Article"","block_context":{"text":"Article","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/article\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":44878,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-havent-been-faithful-in-my-marriage-but-i-cant-stop-thinking-about-what-my-wife-did-before-our-marriage\/","url_meta":{"origin":84250,"position":3},"title":"I haven’t been faithful in my marriage, but I can’t stop thinking about what my wife did before our marriage","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 17, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My wife cheated on me in the first month of our relationship while we were dating. She confessed to me immediately. I know she was really sorry, though I myself was sleeping around at the time too. I have strong images of her confessions in my mind even after\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":31466,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/if-i-left-my-wife-because-she-had-an-affair-years-ago-does-that-allow-for-remarriage\/","url_meta":{"origin":84250,"position":4},"title":"If I left my wife because she had an affair years ago, does that allow for remarriage?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 26, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hi, I'm glad I found this site. I am hoping I can get some unbiased answers to some questions I have concerning situations in my life and the church. I did not attend church growing up. After college, I met a member of the church of Christ. I dated\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":43846,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/am-i-being-selfish-and-covetous-in-marrying-a-woman-who-had-a-child-by-another-man\/","url_meta":{"origin":84250,"position":5},"title":"Am I being selfish and covetous in marrying a woman who had a child by another man?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"November 6, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Greetings, I met my fianc\u00e9e last year and we became friends. We go to the same church. Later we decided to pray and ask God if we should get married and we did get confirmation. So we went to our pastor and told him of our decision. 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