Good morning and God bless you and this ministry. My wife and I have a wonderful sister in Christ who has been married to her husband for over 40 years.\u00a0 Her first husband left her when their son was born because the child was born with autism. Our friend was abandoned at a young age, but she married her current husband who is 10 years older than her. He adopted her child and seemed to be a fantastic husband.<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, he was hiding his drinking. It became apparent as the years went on that he is an alcoholic. He caught driving drunk. He later badly hurt another driver and his family. He was arrested again for felony drunk driving.\u00a0 These led to a complete spiral where they lost everything. She lost her career because of his drinking. All of her savings, including her retirement account, was cashed and spent to cover his court appearances, fines, and penalties.<\/p>\n
The son cannot be left alone unsupervised. He does have a part-time job at a fast-food restaurant through a disabilities employment program, but he is incapable of making his own decisions.<\/p>\n
Our friend is at her wit’s end. They have lost everything. Their house is dilapidated, their car is broken more than it runs, and her husband sneaks off and takes out payday loans to pay for his booze.<\/p>\n
She has been faithful to her husband. In the past, she has left, only to be told that he was going to change, but it has been the same old story over and over and over again. In the past, he has beaten her (although not in the last couple of years). He is verbally abusive, uses their autistic son as a pawn against her, and their marriage has disintegrated to the point that they have slept in separate rooms for years.<\/p>\n
She has finally resorted to closing herself in her bedroom most of the time just to get away from all the madness. Her son does not understand as he can not empathize. He is incapable and sees everything.<\/p>\n\t
Your friend is clinging to a belief that doesn’t exist. She thinks that if she is good enough that her husband will change. As a result, she has supported and enabled his addiction through the years by rescuing him from the consequences of his sin. “A man of great anger will bear the penalty, for if you rescue him, you will only have to do it again<\/em>” (Proverbs 19:19). People like her husband have to face the bad consequences of their actions before there is even a hope of change.<\/p>\n The only solution is the one she should have done and stayed with years ago. She needs to separate herself from her husband so he will no longer be a drain. It might mean getting a divorce. It isn’t a great option, but she has to consider her future and her son’s future at present. This will not allow her to remarry (I Corinthians 7:10-11) but it will get her a chance to put her life back together.<\/p>\n With the separation, she can apply for housing assistance for her and her son, since she is his caretaker. Hopefully, she can find an apartment near where he works and she may need to consider getting a part-time job to rebuild their finances.<\/p>\n What happens to the husband will be up to him. He’ll have to not only stop drinking but also pull himself out of his financial mess before she should even consider accepting him back into her home. It sounds harsh, but it is the only hope for him to change before it is eternally too late.<\/p>\n\t Thank you so much for your taking the time out to reply. We are of one accord in this matter as I too feel it only appropriate as he will not change. Thank you for your insight and help. God bless.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: Good morning and God bless you and this ministry. My wife and I have a wonderful sister in Christ who has been married to her husband for over 40 years.\u00a0 Her first husband left her when their son was born because the child was born with autism. Our friend was abandoned at a young…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[371,64],"class_list":["post-7824","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-alcohol","tag-marriage"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":50602,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/if-we-cant-get-married-we-will-commit-suicide\/","url_meta":{"origin":7824,"position":0},"title":"If we can’t get married, we will commit suicide","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 20, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My age is 25 years old. I love a woman. She has two boys. We both are ready to get married, but she has not been separated from her husband. She is drinking alcohol every day and at home. Even when she had a baby in her womb, her\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":68608,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/do-i-leave-my-alcoholic-husband\/","url_meta":{"origin":7824,"position":1},"title":"Do I leave my alcoholic husband?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 29, 2024","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, I have been reading and following your website for several years and found it very helpful and edifying. I am writing to you for some scriptural guidance on my marriage. I have been married to my husband for many years. I am a member of the church, but\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":39580,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-husband-who-is-an-addict-left-me-what-do-i-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":7824,"position":2},"title":"My husband, who is an addict, left me. What do I do?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 2, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I read the answer you gave regarding the woman who was still bitter as her husband left and she was still angry toward her mother-in-law although she had passed away. I wonder about my own situation and how your answers here apply. My husband left me and my two\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":37386,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-divorced-my-husband-because-of-his-drug-use-how-will-i-know-if-he-has-died-even-his-family-has-lost-track-of-him\/","url_meta":{"origin":7824,"position":3},"title":"I divorced my husband because of his drug use. How will I know if he has died? Even his family has lost track of him","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 26, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: OK, so my first marriage ended in divorce because of my husband's adultery. Then my second marriage ended in a divorce, the reason for this was because of my husband's drug use, alcohol addiction, stealing, and pawning everything we owned. I really tried to help him, but he refused\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":54334,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-a-woman-divorce-her-husband-because-he-hid-the-fact-that-he-was-impotent\/","url_meta":{"origin":7824,"position":4},"title":"Can a woman divorce her husband because he hid the fact that he was impotent?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 29, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: What can the church do in a situation where a sister says she has been deceived by a brother who is impotent? He concealed the matter until he had married the sister. Can the sister marry another person since she desires children and was misled? Answer: The short answer\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":14944,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/if-a-husband-commits-adultery-after-his-wife-divorces-him-can-she-remarry\/","url_meta":{"origin":7824,"position":5},"title":"If a husband commits adultery after his wife divorces him, can she remarry?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 22, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My sister has decided to leave her physically abusive, alcoholic husband. She doesn't have plans to divorce him and is hoping that eventually, he'll realize he needs help. She knows what a scriptural divorce is and that this does not constitute remarriage. I don't think he will ever change,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7824","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7824"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7824\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7824"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7824"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7824"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Response:<\/h2>\n