I have a question about the article on honoring your father and mother. I am a mom in my late twenties. My husband and I live too close to my parents and my mother and I are into it constantly. I was just wondering does all of the honor stuff that is in the Bible apply to me now that I am older and not “under their roof.” I do love my mom but she really gets on my nerves and I find it impossible to not have a fight with her at least once a week. (Sometimes more.) I feel like she starts the drama. I really do try to get around it but it never fails, we always go back to the routine of not getting along.<\/p>\n
Please help!<\/p>\n\t
“If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men<\/em>” (Romans 12:18).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Honoring your parents means you treat them with respect. What so often happens is that we give less respect to our parents than we do to a boss we can’t stand. I suspect it is because of the old cliche, “Familiarity breeds contempt.” In your case, mom knows just what buttons to push to get a reaction out of you and the habit is so well ingrained in you that you jump every time she pushes it.<\/p>\n
The issue is not so much the honoring, but the leaving of home. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh<\/em>” (Genesis 2:24). You are a wife and mother in your own home. Your mother no longer has any authority over you or your family, but she is still trying to take some and you are still giving it to her — and you resent it.<\/p>\n
There is no need to fight if you simply acknowledge to yourself that your mother no longer has control over your life. Of course, she will give you advice, and it will be well worth the time to consider what she has to offer since she has more experience than you. However, ultimately it is your own decision to follow it or go a different route. Don’t take advice as judgments on your abilities; they are nothing more than suggestions that might have some use in your own life and situation.<\/p>\n\t
From a Sister in Christ:<\/h2>\n
A sister in Christ wrote an answer to a similar question recently that I found to be appropriate for this question as well, so I’m including it here.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Shame on your mother for not realizing that you are not in subjection to her anymore.\u00a0 Mothers should not make the transition for her daughter any harder than it is.\u00a0 But, since you have a mom like that (I do too), you’ve got to step up to the plate and draw the line.<\/p>\n
The best thing my husband and I did was to move out of state for the first year we were married.\u00a0 We didn’t go home at all that year.\u00a0 It definitely drew a line.\u00a0 We had to cling to each other because there was nowhere else to go.\u00a0 That taught us that we could make important decisions without mom or dad’s input.\u00a0 We had to spend the holidays without the rest of the family for the first time in both our lives.\u00a0 That gave us the opportunity to begin our own traditions and it allowed us to know that we could do it on our own.<\/p>\n
When we came back “home”, close to where both sets of parents lived, we were confident that we were truly independent.\u00a0 That didn’t stop mom from wanting to control things, but it gave us the courage to not let her.<\/p>\n
You are the one that has to make her understand that she’s not in charge.\u00a0 There will be friction.\u00a0 She’s not going to like it.\u00a0 You can either confront her about it, or listen politely to her opinions and go on to do what you and your husband decide is best.\u00a0 Your husband can’t handle this one for you.\u00a0 You’re going to have to be the one that breaks away from mom.\u00a0 It’s the whole “leave and cleave” thing from Genesis.\u00a0 It’s not easy, but it is the right thing to do and your marriage will be blessed when it is done.<\/p>\n
In my case, it took several years for mom to realize she wasn’t going to control our marriage.\u00a0 It was made especially hard for me because my sister allowed mom to interfere with her marriage.\u00a0 Mom always said I was being a disrespectful daughter.\u00a0 She accused me of choosing his family over mine.\u00a0 She did\u00a0and said everything she could to make me feel bad.\u00a0 Now, 25 years later, my marriage is strong, and my sister is divorced.\u00a0 Mom doesn’t interfere anymore.<\/p>\n
The lesson I’ve learned?\u00a0 Let my own children leave and cleave.\u00a0 Don’t make it difficult for them.\u00a0 Encourage them to make their own traditions and build their own families.\u00a0 Ask next summer how it’s going.\u00a0 My oldest is getting married in July.\u00a0 \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Question: I have a question about the article on honoring your father and mother. I am a mom in my late twenties. My husband and I live too close to my parents and my mother and I are into it constantly. I was just wondering does all of the honor stuff that is in the…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[1509,1513],"class_list":["post-7297","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-parents","tag-relationships"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3542,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/does-honoring-your-mother-and-father-mean-following-their-religious-beliefs\/","url_meta":{"origin":7297,"position":0},"title":"Does “honoring your mother and father” mean following their religious beliefs?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 31, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I was just reading\u00a0the essay on your website about \"honoring your father and mother\". I have been doing some research on the meaning of the word \"honor\", and I was wondering if you could answer a question for me, or just give me your opinion? Let's say that a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":21846,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-have-problems-with-my-mom\/","url_meta":{"origin":7297,"position":1},"title":"I have problems with my mom","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"April 24, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have problems with my mom. She and my dad have issues, and she's taking it out on me. Every intention I have to make things better between us is bad to her. She pushes me away and doesn't want to talk to me nor see me. Please help\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":14168,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/why-dont-protestants-honor-mary-as-catholics-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":7297,"position":2},"title":"Why don’t Protestants honor Mary as Catholics do?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 10, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: The original question was: Why do Protestants not honor Mary as Catholics do? We are to imitate Jesus Christ, are we not? Well, Jesus Christ fulfilled the Law perfectly, and part of the Law is the Fourth Commandment. Jesus honored his Father and his Mother, so we should do\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4120,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/what-is-a-christians-responsibility-to-his-parents\/","url_meta":{"origin":7297,"position":3},"title":"What is a Christian’s responsibility to his parents?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 15, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have read your many articles regarding children obeying their parents. What is in the Scripture for parents to obey or respect their children? For example, I have been married for nearly 30 years and now my mother-in-law has moved in. She is in her seventies and in good\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":19451,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-i-relate-with-my-mother-who-was-withdrawn-from-years-ago\/","url_meta":{"origin":7297,"position":4},"title":"How do I relate with my mother who was withdrawn from years ago?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 14, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My mom was withdrawn from about 30 years ago when I was around 5 years old. She was withdrawn from because she got remarried after an unscriptural divorce. I am a faithful member of the church and I have two young children. 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