Greetings sir. I trust you have been doing well.<\/p>\n
I have a matter that needs your advice on dealing with conflict resolution.<\/p>\n
I have these two brethren who had a misunderstanding over a report on the church building project. They belong to the team overseeing the project. One is the leader, and the other a member. When the secretary presented a report, the church treasurer noticed some differences in the amount given by the church. He mentioned that it should be corrected before reporting. That was done amicably between the reporter and the treasurer. Later, the treasurer went to the team leader overseeing the church project to inquire about the records. Personal donations would have to come through the church’s account, and there was a deficit that the church would have to pay. The team leader grew annoyed and started exchanging words. He asked why he had to come to him after verifying and strengthening the records from the other team member who presented the report. He started calling him a fool for picking on little things to make cases out of them. They had a falling out, and both left in anger.<\/p>\n
The treasurer was offended by the team leader’s words and vowed not to have anything to do with him again. After I spoke with the team leader, he went to reconcile with the treasurer, but he refused. Another brother attempted to reach him several times, but he refused to pick up his calls. After several encouragements to seek reconciliation, he still refused.<\/p>\n
During a church meeting, he brought up the issue before the church and wanted to resign from the team overseeing the building project. Despite pleadings with him by members to implement Matthew 18:15-17, he still was adamant. The church appealed to the preacher to come in and initiate a reconciliation. The team leader was ready, but the offended brother failed to comply with the call.<\/p>\n
In this case, would it be out of place to have them both come before the church? And if he still refuses, won’t the church have to do what is necessary (Matthew 18:17)?<\/p>\n
Thank you, sir.<\/p>\n\t
“A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a citadel<\/em>” (Proverbs 18:19).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Brothers are people you can rely on most when things are difficult. There is an expectation of trust and mutual goals. However, if a brother is offended, he is also the hardest to win back. He resists any efforts to settle the dispute. Thus, care should be taken to avoid letting disagreements between brethren get out of hand, which is what happened in this case.<\/p>\n
The treasurer was doing his duty. He noted flaws in the reporting of funds used for the building project. He straightened out the report, but the source of the information reported by the secretary came from the building team. Thus, he properly went to the man overseeing the building project to ensure the mistakes were not repeated. The team leader wrongly took offense at being questioned and told to be more careful. I guess that in the leader’s eyes, the amount that was off was minor, and since it was resolved, he didn’t see why he should be scolded for poor bookkeeping.<\/p>\n
The team leader was wrong due to his pride, and eventually, he was made to see his error. When he went to apologize to the treasurer, he refused to talk because his ego was wounded, and he was being prideful.<\/p>\n
The church was wrong in putting off a decision by saying that Matthew 18:15-17 needed to be followed. However, it already had been followed. The treasurer tried to resolve the problem directly. The team leader tried to apologize directly. Other people tried to talk to the treasurer but were rebuffed. You have sufficient witnesses in regard to the problem for the church to make a judgment and attempt to get the two men to be at peace. Asking the preacher to solve their problem also avoids doing their duty. It is nice if the preacher, as a church member, attempts to get the two sides to talk, but it doesn’t change the fact that the church should be settling the problem.<\/p>\n
The best thing at this point is for the entire congregation to gather and discuss the matter. The church should admit its faults. It should point out the team leader’s faults and thank him for seeing reason and changing. Then, the treasurer should be told that he was right in being diligent in his duties, but it should be pointed out that he is disobeying the Lord’s command: “For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions<\/em>” (Matthew 6:14-15). He should be told that forgiveness is not an option. The team leader should be asked if he repents of his behavior with the treasurer. If he says “yes,” then the treasurer should be asked if he forgives the team leader for the insults given to him. If the treasurer continues to refuse (I don’t think he will), then the church should express its sorrow and tell him that he cannot be a member until he forgives.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Question: Greetings sir. I trust you have been doing well. I have a matter that needs your advice on dealing with conflict resolution. I have these two brethren who had a misunderstanding over a report on the church building project. They belong to the team overseeing the project. One is the leader, and the other…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[884,849,231],"class_list":["post-68919","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-arguments","tag-conflict","tag-strife"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":36159,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/did-i-do-wrong-bringing-up-an-issue-about-when-the-collection-should-be-counted\/","url_meta":{"origin":68919,"position":0},"title":"Did I do wrong bringing up an issue about when the collection should be counted?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 18, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My wife and I moved to this community several years ago. We've been attending the church and have grown increasingly active through the years. I now teach both on Sunday morning and Wednesday night and we help where we can. Our church has a normal weekly attendance under 100,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":54429,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-a-woman-serve-as-a-churchs-secretary-or-treasurer\/","url_meta":{"origin":68919,"position":1},"title":"Can a woman serve as a church’s secretary or treasurer?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 18, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Is it right to make a Christian sister the church secretary? Can a sister also act as the treasurer? Answer: First off, you will not find a position of secretary or treasurer mentioned in the New Testament. The closest you will get to a treasurer is that Judas used\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":54083,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-a-church-secretary-or-treasurer-a-permanent-position\/","url_meta":{"origin":68919,"position":2},"title":"Is a church secretary or treasurer a permanent position?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"August 31, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I want to know whether a church secretary, treasurer, etc. once appointed or chosen to that post is permanent, or they can be rotated on a tenure basis. Answer: There is no such office in the church as a secretary or treasurer. Duties, such as these, are usually filled\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":67998,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/when-should-the-treasurer-be-allowed-to-teach-after-stealing-from-the-church\/","url_meta":{"origin":68919,"position":3},"title":"When should the treasurer be allowed to teach after stealing from the church?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 9, 2024","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Our treasurer stole from our church. She has repented but hasn't made restitution. She wants to teach. What does the Bible say about this? Answer: A part of repentance is attempting to repair the damage caused by your sins. Paul \"kept declaring ... that they should repent and turn\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":49501,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-a-treasurer-use-the-churchs-money-in-his-personal-business\/","url_meta":{"origin":68919,"position":4},"title":"Can a treasurer use the church’s money in his personal business?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"November 24, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Please, I want to know if one can use the church's money in his custody to run his personal business. Answer: Absolutely not. The money is the Lord's money. When Ananias gave money to the church but lied about the amount, Peter told him: \"While it remained, was it\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":16170,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/may-a-church-without-elders-appoint-deacons\/","url_meta":{"origin":68919,"position":5},"title":"May a church without elders appoint deacons?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"August 26, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: May a church assign to a servant or servants (deacons) a specific task or tasks in which they will serve the congregation and for which they will be responsible and answerable to the congregation for performing if the church does not have elders. 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