How do I gauge when my son has been given enough swats — I have found as he gets older that he tries to “macho” through a spanking and it has become harder to tell when he has been chastised sufficiently without crossing the line into abuse.<\/p>\n\t
A\u00a0parent should look at the discipline being delivered. Does it fit the crime (is it a good consequence related to the misdeed)? Is it being delivered in a timely manner? Is it suitably severe enough? Even when the answers to all these questions are honestly “yes,” but the child “laughs off” the punishment, deliver the punishment anyway. The constant annoyance of being punished will break through the walls of the most stubborn child. The parent should show more patience in delivering a needed consequence than a child in receiving the consequence. This is the point of Proverbs 26:3, “A whip for the horse, A bridle for the donkey, And a rod for the fool’s back.<\/em>“<\/p>\n Proverbs 26:3 is dealing with control or the giving of direction. The rider of a horse can give directions to his mount with a small horsewhip. Even though the horse is much bigger than the man and the strikes of the whip are not much more than an annoyance, yet the horse will comply with the rider’s will. Donkeys are notoriously stubborn beasts, yet a rider can direct a donkey with bridle about the donkey’s nose. Again, the donkey is stronger than a man and more stubborn than most men, yet a small tug with a bridle will win out in the end. As with the first two, so is the last. A spanking with a switch (rod) on fool’s backside will cause him to give up his foolishness and be obedient. The pain of being switched seems to such a minor annoyance, yet it can cause a change in behavior. Just as a horsewhip is well-suited for directing a horse and a bridle is well-suited for directing a donkey, a switch is well-suited for correcting a fool. There is also a more subtle statement being made as well: fools are little more than brute beasts in their behavior.<\/p>\n Another verse to consider is\u00a0Proverbs 19:29, “Judgments are prepared for scoffers, And beatings for the backs of fools.<\/em>” This is dealing with the certainty of consequences. Scoffers are fools who scorn authority, but their disdain for authority will not prevent them from facing a judge when they break the law. In a sense, the law with its recommended sentences (judgments) was written for people who believe they can ignore the law (the scoffers). In the same manner, fools act without thinking about the consequences of their actions. Just because they believed there wouldn’t be a consequence, it doesn’t mean they won’t receive one. The use of spanking the backside of a fool is laid out in advance because fools exist, doing things without thinking. This verse is comparable to “For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to evil. Do you want to be unafraid of the authority? Do what is good, and you will have praise from the same. For he is God’s minister to you for good. But if you do evil, be afraid; for he does not bear the sword in vain; for he is God’s minister, an avenger to execute wrath on him who practices evil<\/em>” (Romans 13:3-4).<\/p>\n For parents, this means that in advance you decide what is the appropriate punishment for a particular misbehavior. Not all misbehavior calls for a spanking. I generally recommend that parents reserve spankings for violent behavior or willful disobedience, especially cases where another punishment that is tied to the misbehavior cannot be found. If spanking is called for, decide what number of swats are called for in advance. Each incidence receives the same number of swats. Do not gauge the number of swats by the child’s reaction. Instead, gauge it by his behavior over time. If it appears that spankings aren’t slowing him down from one incidence to another (i.e. that over time it is not causing a modification in behavior), then increase the number of swats a bit. However, what usually happens is that when a child misbehaves frequently, he is going to receive a frequent number of swats. I haven’t met too many boys so thick-headed and thick-skinned that this doesn’t eventually make an impact on their behavior, though perhaps at first you might feel like you barely finished one spanking before another one is called for.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: How do I gauge when my son has been given enough swats — I have found as he gets older that he tries to “macho” through a spanking and it has become harder to tell when he has been chastised sufficiently without crossing the line into abuse. Answer: A\u00a0parent should look at the discipline…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[106,29,107,108],"class_list":["post-6755","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-discipline","tag-parenting","tag-raising-children","tag-spanking"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2943,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-many-swats-is-proper-in-a-spanking\/","url_meta":{"origin":6755,"position":0},"title":"How many swats is proper in a spanking?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 13, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Thank you very much for the counsel. I am always glad to have it, especially when it is backed up with Scripture. I talked it over with my son. He keeps back-talking his mom, being disrespectful when she asks him to do things around the house, and not being\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":12271,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-it-okay-to-leave-the-number-of-swats-open-ended\/","url_meta":{"origin":6755,"position":1},"title":"Is it okay to leave the number of swats open-ended?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 11, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: He finally pushed it too far. Even though he is eleven and never had a spanking, he swore at his mother one too many times and I decided something had to change. My problem is that he struggled as I started to spank him. I told him that if\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":7906,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-you-handle-nosy-neighbors-questions-about-spanking\/","url_meta":{"origin":6755,"position":2},"title":"How do you handle nosy neighbors’ questions about spanking?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"November 28, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have greatly enjoyed all the information and insights that you share on this page. My husband and I are raising three sons. We use spanking as one of our disciplinary tools with the boys, especially for the 3 Ds - deliberate disobedience, disrespect, and dishonesty. Recently one of\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3684,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-you-get-over-the-embarrassment-of-spanking-a-teenager\/","url_meta":{"origin":6755,"position":3},"title":"How do you get over the embarrassment of spanking a teenager?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 10, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I'm glad I came across your website and read so many things from other dads of older boys. I'm a single dad of a 13-year-old boy. I've been needing to spank him for his improper attitude, but I have been very afraid to. Mostly because I'm uptight about male\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3757,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/a-series-of-questions-about-spanking\/","url_meta":{"origin":6755,"position":4},"title":"A series of questions about spanking","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 20, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: At what age does a father stop spanking his boy? I mean do you spank until he's 21 if he's still living with you? Do you spank a 13-year-old boy any differently from a 5-year-old boy? Clothed behind versus bare behind How often does one spank the boy? If\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":13914,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-son-has-become-defiant-and-repeats-the-same-sins\/","url_meta":{"origin":6755,"position":5},"title":"My son has become defiant and repeats the same sins","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 24, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have a question in relation to child training. My son is 14 and I have to occasionally give him a spanking. However, he has been getting in trouble with the same sin. He continues to defy his mom. I read your articles on the website in regards to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Adolescence"","block_context":{"text":"Adolescence","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/parenting\/adolescence\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6755","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6755"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6755\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6755"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6755"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6755"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}