{"id":63936,"date":"2023-11-09T20:54:43","date_gmt":"2023-11-10T02:54:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/?p=63936"},"modified":"2023-11-10T09:52:58","modified_gmt":"2023-11-10T15:52:58","slug":"my-husband-hasnt-been-the-nicest-to-me-lately","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-husband-hasnt-been-the-nicest-to-me-lately\/","title":{"rendered":"My husband hasn’t been the nicest to me lately"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\t

Question:<\/h2>\n

Hello there,<\/p>\n

I just want to start off by saying I enjoy your website. Thank you for providing that for us.<\/p>\n

I am a Christian (member of the Church of Christ). My husband however is not. He started off as one and, well, just went back to his worldly ways.<\/p>\n

He is a good guy for the most part (by the world’s standards anyway). Lately, my husband hasn’t been the nicest to me, he has become self-serving. Financially, I feel the responsibility mostly falls on me. I am the “fixer”, the one who always “figures out” the solutions to any of our problems, whether it is financial or not. I always come to the rescue and the burden is starting to weigh on me.<\/p>\n

I lost my dad a few years ago and then my mom last year. I feel very alone. I don’t feel I can talk to my husband. Whenever I try to explain how I am feeling, he just kind of brushes me off and states that I have issues. He does not take my feelings into consideration.<\/p>\n

I have done a lot for him in the past year. I am unhappy.<\/p>\n

My question is, how do I respond as a Christian woman to the way I am being treated in my marriage? I try to be kind and I get further walked on. I try to stand up for myself and I am then the bad guy and things are worse. I pray all the time. I try to be an encouragement by bearing good fruits. It just seems like his heart is getting harder. Any advice on how to continue going about this marriage? Divorce is not an option as neither of us has been unfaithful. I just want to respond in the marriage appropriately and the way a Christian woman should. I love him, he can be wonderful as in the past he was. Feeling defeated. Feeling alone.<\/p>\n

Any insight would be really helpful!<\/p>\n

Thank you.<\/p>\n\t

Answer:<\/h2>\n

It is not unusual in a marriage for there to be periods when it feels like the husband and wife are drifting apart. Usually, it is because they have become comfortable with the relationship and less effort is given to understanding each other.<\/p>\n

What I noticed from your note is that you are disappointed that he doesn’t react as a woman would. For instance, you tried to explain your feelings to him, but men typically don’t think in terms of feelings. It is almost a foreign language to them. It isn’t that they don’t have feelings, it is just that they spend most of their life trying to manage them and not let their feelings cloud their thinking.\u00a0His response, however, is the typical response a male gives to another male. Thus, a part of the problem is that you both have gotten comfortable with each other and stopped viewing each other as different genders.<\/p>\n

In almost all marriages, both the husband and wife contribute to the family. Their contributions will be different, but they are usually there. Perhaps it will do you good to list out the things that your husband takes care of. Don’t rate what he does by its value or importance. I would like you to open up to realize what he does bring to the relationship. Then, every once in a while, insert a “thank you” when he does something positive. Appreciation goes a long way to encourage additional efforts. I think you will find that he will start reciprocating after he sees you are being genuine.<\/p>\n

It would help if he learned to listen when you want to talk about your day or how you are feeling. Unfortunately, I’m talking to you and not him. He probably doesn’t realize that he is missing something. The difficulty is that men are wired to solve problems quickly. When you tell him that you feel bad, his gut instinct is to “solve” the problem. You might just have to get some more girlfriends to vent your feelings to.<\/p>\n

“Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband<\/em>” (Ephesians 5:33). I would like to you go through\u00a0Love and Respect<\/a>. Your respect for your husband is being undermined. He stopped following Christ, and that is a severe blow to how you see him. He leans on you to handle various problems and you see that as a weakness in his character. However, I’m sure there are things that he does well that you can appreciate and show him respect.<\/p>\n\t

Response:<\/h2>\n

Thank you so much for your response, as I really do value it. I enjoy all your answers to our questions, especially as you always have the scripture to back it up.<\/p>\n

I will definitely heed this information, take it to heart, and make good use of it.<\/p>\n

Thank you again!<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Question: Hello there, I just want to start off by saying I enjoy your website. Thank you for providing that for us. I am a Christian (member of the Church of Christ). My husband however is not. He started off as one and, well, just went back to his worldly ways. He is a good…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[64],"class_list":["post-63936","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-marriage"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":28063,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/because-of-my-husbands-adultery-i-committed-adultery-and-then-divorced-him-is-my-second-marriage-legitimate\/","url_meta":{"origin":63936,"position":0},"title":"Because of my husband’s adultery, I committed adultery and then divorced him. Is my second marriage legitimate?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 8, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I am desperate for your help. \u00a0I am struggling in marriage. I am a Christian and my husband is not, but first, let me give you background information. I lost my virginity when I was 17 after I became engaged to my future husband. \u00a0We were married for almost\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":37343,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-husband-was-into-pornography-hes-stopped-but-i-have-no-respect-for-him-what-do-i-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":63936,"position":1},"title":"My husband was into pornography. He’s stopped, but I have no respect for him. What do I do?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 23, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I am not sure who I am writing to here, but if there is anyone on that side please help me! I am married for almost ten years. I have kids. I am a stay-at-home wife and home school. My husband and I are both born-again Christians. My husband\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2203,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-met-an-old-boyfriend-and-now-i-feel-guilty\/","url_meta":{"origin":63936,"position":2},"title":"I met an old boyfriend and now I feel guilty","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 5, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have been happily married for about five years now. We have a child, who is two years old. My husband takes care of me really well. I have no complaints. He has been overseas for about a year now. I had a pretty good job and recently resigned.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":41923,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-left-god-and-have-not-been-a-faithful-wife-how-do-i-get-baptized\/","url_meta":{"origin":63936,"position":3},"title":"I left God and have not been a faithful wife. How do I get baptized?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 19, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have known about God all my life. I used to go to church with my parents. It has been a long time since I have been to church. I forgot about Him for a while; I lost faith and stopped praying. I got married two years ago. 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He has come back home and hasn't made any attempt to see or talk to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":39864,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-find-myself-wanting-to-go-back-to-a-man-who-hasnt-been-good-to-me\/","url_meta":{"origin":63936,"position":5},"title":"I find myself wanting to go back to a man who hasn’t been good to me","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"August 11, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hi, I just came across this site. It seems very helpful, but I need some answers myself. I am really struggling. I have been through a recent breakup because the guy was always breaking up with me and then coming back wanting everything to be fine. 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