{"id":56952,"date":"2008-12-16T20:54:00","date_gmt":"2008-12-17T02:54:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/?p=56952"},"modified":"2025-10-03T14:55:49","modified_gmt":"2025-10-03T19:55:49","slug":"hospitality-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/hospitality-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Hospitality (Capehart)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\tby Wendi Capehart\n

In the lovely gardening memoir\u00a0Mrs. Whaley and Her Charleston Garden<\/em>, Mrs. Whaley writes about how she felt when she and her husband moved to Charleston after they had spent a short time in D.C. She says she had trouble adjusting to the social scene in Charleston. Everybody was related to everybody else, and she had grown up with only one sister and was far from home, an outsider. She wanted to write home, “Dear Mrs. Fishburne, I’m not up to this. I’m sorry to report to you that I’m not going to make it. I’m about to drown in this tangle of relationships. There are too many people here in too close quarters.”<\/p>\n

That made me laugh. It sounded so familiar. In many churches, whether they are tiny or large, there are certainly tangles of relationships and friendships going back from before the ark. It can be confusing (and sometimes amusing) for newcomers. It can also be exclusionary.<\/p>\n

We have visited multiple congregations in our military-related travels, and some are certainly more inclusive of outsiders than others. People who have grown up in the same congregation, who have cousins, aunts, uncles, and in-laws all in the same congregation, who are going to church with people they went camping with since they were ten years old, often don’t realize what a daunting and impenetrable wall they present to newcomers. Without meaning to, they create a united front that makes newcomers without those relationships feel shy, shut out, ‘spare,’ as my South African relations say. And sometimes, of course, it’s not a matter of blood relations, but of close bonds of friendships, bonds so tight that circles are drawn that shut others out instead of drawing them in.<\/p>\n

It’s true that Jesus had his inner circle within the apostles, and sometimes I have actually heard Christians defend cliques by referring to that inner circle of our Lord. But I’d be willing to bet (were I a gambling woman) that the Lord did not neglect newcomers, visitors, the visiting strangers, in order to sit and visit exclusively with Peter, James, and John without speaking at all to the awkward stranger shifting his feet in the corner while nobody spoke to him. I doubt very much he left newcomers among his disciples to simply sink or swim. Another difference, of course, is that he was the Teacher, they were his disciples, and he knew he had three years to prepare them for his death. Until we have similar circumstances, we ought not to use the inner dynamics of the Lord and His apostles as an excuse to maintain our comfort zone.<\/p>\n

It’s true that we all have people we feel more congenial with and connect with more, and there’s nothing wrong with that. What is wrong is when that little group becomes cliquish, insular, and neglects to reach out to others. When the ‘inner circle’ becomes self-centered, so that before any of you look around your gathering for strangers to whom you have a responsibility to make feel at home, you are looking first for each other to have a cozy chat- that’s a problem. When the only ‘hospitality’ practiced is within your inner circle, that’s a similar problem. It’s not, I think, that people do this on purpose. It’s that they don’t purpose not <\/b>to do it.<\/em>\u00a0The stranger is still just as much left in the cold on the outside, regardless of whether the exclusion is deliberate or accidental.<\/p>\n

When the ‘inner circle’ members encourage one another in reaching out, that’s an amazing blessing. I have been blessed in a few congregations to be part of an ‘inner circle’ where we got together every Sunday after church, putting together a pitch-in meal, each of us bringing one main dish and one side dish, and then we looked around every Sunday for visitors to invite to participate with us, and we asked different families or singles from church to join us each week. This way the burden of meal prep did not fall heavily on any one of us, we had the joy of congenial company and the greater joy of reaching out to others and practicing hospitality as instructed in the scriptures (hint- hospitality? It’s not <\/b>optional).<\/p>\n

We were usually military families, displaced by a diaspora of our own, and not part of the home-grown inner circle.<\/p>\n

“It is no coincidence that the people who are most aware that they are strangers and sojourners on the earth are the people who are most able to open their doors to the stranger…” wrote Madeleine L’Engle in\u00a0The Rock that is Higher<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Sometimes we don’t practice hospitality or the Christian art of courteously including ‘outsiders’ because we are shy (This is my excuse, but it’s self-centered rather than other-centered) or because we don’t have a clean enough house (I also have used this excuse) or nice enough food.<\/p>\n

This isn’t hospitality we are thinking of, it is entertaining, and there is a difference. In\u00a0Wisdom Distilled From the Daily, Living the Rule of St. Benedict Today<\/em>\u00a0by Joan Chittister, she tells the story of Abba Arsenius, who was born in Rome about 360 AD:<\/p>\n

Once someone handed round a few dried figs in Scetis. Because they were not worth anything, no one took any to Abba Arsenius in order not to offend him. Learning of it, the old man did not come to the synaxis saying, ‘You have cast me out by not giving me a share of the blessing which God had given the brethren and which I was not worthy to receive.’ Everyone heard of this and was edified at the old man’s humility. Then the priest went to take him the small dried figs and brought him to the synaxis with joy.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

“The question,” says Joan, “is not whether what we have to give is sufficient for the situation or not. The question is simply whether or not we have anything to give. That’s what hospitality is all about. Not abundance and not totality. Just sharing. Real sharing.”<\/p>\n

In the United States today, she laments, hospitality has become too organized and too antiseptic. It is entertaining, not hospitality.<\/p>\n

\"\"Do not worry about whether or not the fare or home is good enough. Worry more about whether or not you are leaving somebody out. Worry more about whether or not you are answering God’s call to all <\/b>Christians to practice hospitality.<\/p>\n

As for what you serve, Melchizedek served Abraham a meal as simple as bread and wine (Genesis 14). Jesus served plain loaves of bread and fish.<\/p>\n

One of these days I am going to have a ladies’ tea where we have only tea, cinnamon toast, and good conversation.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Wendi Capehart In the lovely gardening memoir\u00a0Mrs. Whaley and Her Charleston Garden, Mrs. Whaley writes about how she felt when she and her husband moved to Charleston after they had spent a short time in D.C. She says she had trouble adjusting to the social scene in Charleston. Everybody was related to everybody else,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[1149],"class_list":["post-56952","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-article","tag-hospitality"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":29511,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/if-she-was-sent-by-god-isnt-she-supposed-to-be-a-good-person\/","url_meta":{"origin":56952,"position":0},"title":"If she was sent by God, isn’t she supposed to be a good person?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 14, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I am in love with this girl who loved me too. We loved each other so crazily but at one point I realized that she had been lying to me for no reason to spend time with her friends and other mates. She liked spending time with boys, and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":51426,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-should-the-problem-of-child-abuse-be-handled\/","url_meta":{"origin":56952,"position":1},"title":"How should the problem of child abuse be handled?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 19, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: There exist two families: A and B. Family A could not conceive a child, so the wife of Mr. A adopted two daughters of Mrs. B, who happened to be her younger sister. Mr. B, the father of the adopted daughters, isn't responsible at all. He neglected all his\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":38868,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-would-like-to-take-a-girl-out-but-she-has-had-bad-experiences-with-guys-how-do-i-convince-her-im-different\/","url_meta":{"origin":56952,"position":2},"title":"I would like to take a girl out, but she has had bad experiences with guys. How do I convince her I’m different?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 7, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: How do you ask out a young lady who is so convinced that guys are all the same -- i.e they are liars and cheats in relationships? She is a nice young lady, hardworking with a good character but seems to have been hurt from previous relationships. I know\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":33382,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/why-did-she-say-she-forgave-me-if-she-stopped-talking-to-me\/","url_meta":{"origin":56952,"position":3},"title":"Why did she say she forgave me if she stopped talking to me?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 24, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I met a girl online about a year ago. She lives in a different state where she was attending a Bible college. We talked all the time and became good friends. I became interested in her and tried to pursue her, but she insisted on staying friends because of\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":84096,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/miss-grace-on-hospitality\/","url_meta":{"origin":56952,"position":4},"title":"Miss Grace on Hospitality","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 5, 2025","format":false,"excerpt":"by Marlene Smelser via Sentry Magazine, Vol. 14, No. 3, September 30, 1988 Miss Grace: Can you say anything to help with the situation here? Few women ever invite visitors into their homes, and for all their hospitality and entertainment, no one seems to realize they would enjoy being entertained\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Article"","block_context":{"text":"Article","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/article\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":33685,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/fanny-crosby\/","url_meta":{"origin":56952,"position":5},"title":"Fanny Crosby","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 25, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"by Bob Buchanon If I told you that today would have been the 201st birthday for Frances Jane Crosby van Alstyne (born March 24, 1820), many would ask, \"Who is she?\" If I told you that I was referring to Fanny Crosby, many would then reflect on their favorite hymn\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Article"","block_context":{"text":"Article","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/article\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/Fanny-Crosby.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56952","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=56952"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56952\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=56952"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=56952"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=56952"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}