{"id":54879,"date":"2018-12-20T21:42:00","date_gmt":"2018-12-21T03:42:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/?p=54879"},"modified":"2022-10-03T21:46:38","modified_gmt":"2022-10-04T02:46:38","slug":"do-i-need-her-mothers-permission-to-get-married","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/do-i-need-her-mothers-permission-to-get-married\/","title":{"rendered":"Do I need her mother’s permission to get married?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\t

Question:<\/h2>\n

Greetings in the name of God!<\/p>\n

I’ve read through\u00a0your response to a mail from somebody whose fianc\u00e9e’s parents denied them consent to become one<\/a>. Mine is a bit similar, except that my fianc\u00e9e’s father is deceased and the mother is insisting her daughter cannot marry me.<\/p>\n

Initially, she was in full support of our marriage when I first broke the news to her. She prayed for us and encouraged us to be quick about it and not to wait for us to have enough money before getting married.<\/p>\n

She took us to her pastor and introduced me to him. The pastor welcomed us and congratulated us and prayed for us. We began our counseling classes, as required by the church, while preparations for the wedding were ongoing. We were supposed to attend three counseling classes before our wedding because we were living far away from the church. We finished the first and second and were about to attend the third when my fianc\u00e9e’s mother made a U-turn. She decided to withdraw her support a few months prior to our scheduled date. It came as a big shock to me as I never envisioned she’d do such a thing.<\/p>\n

At first, I thought I had done something wrong, or I had failed to do something I should have done. But I needed to be sure of the true situation. I called her, but she refused to take my calls. At this point, I was going out of my mind, as I kept getting calls from family, friends, and well-wishers as to the progress of our preparations. I didn’t know what to say to them but to tell them “we are still working on it.” I decided to pay my fianc\u00e9e’s mother a visit to tell me my fault and why she suddenly changed her mind, but each time she learned I was coming, she would leave the house to avoid me. I decided to pay her a visit unannounced in the company of two friends. We were lucky to catch her at home. She was surprised and as soon as she saw us she flared up, telling us in a very harsh tone that over her dead body she’d allow her daughter to marry me.<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, my fianc\u00e9e’s uncles, aunts, and her two elder sisters are all in support, even now. The uncles want me to ignore her mother and are willing to conduct the marriage, but I insisted that we get her mother’s consent. I decided to give her time to rethink the situation. It has been over a year now and she still insists she will not allow her daughter to marry me. Her pastor invited her to explain to him the reasons for withholding her consent. No reasons were given and the church decided to place a hold on our wedding until we get her consent.<\/p>\n

This is where we are now. My fianc\u00e9e and I, her uncles, aunts, and two of her elder sisters are on the same side against her mother, one elder sister, and the younger ones are on the other side.<\/p>\n

My question here is: If I decide to go on with the marriage would I be going against any biblical injunctions?<\/p>\n

Thanks for your anticipated response.<\/p>\n\t

Answer:<\/h2>\n

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh<\/em>” (Genesis 2:24).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Nowhere in the scriptures is there a requirement that the parents approve of the marriage. In many countries, younger people need to have a parent’s consent because they are not at the age of independent decision-making, but once a person is considered an adult there is no need for parental approval.<\/p>\n

Notice that from the start, in Genesis 2:24, there is the idea that people separate from their birth families to form new families. You are not marrying your wife’s mother. She will have no say in the day-to-day operation of your new family. That she disagrees with the marriage should give your fianc\u00e9e pause to consider why she objects, but in the end, it is your fianc\u00e9e’s decision whether she marries you or not. Either her mother will relent or she is going to have a hard time seeing her future grandchildren, which would be a shame.<\/p>\n

You can’t make her mother see reason if she is being unreasonable. If the preacher at the church doesn’t want to conduct the wedding, there are plenty of other places you can get married. Having a parent’s blessing is nice to have, but it is not a requirement nor a hindrance to marriage.<\/p>\n\t

Response:<\/h2>\n

Thanks for taking the time to read and reply to my mail. Thanks for the advice and God bless your ministry, in Jesus’ name — Amen!<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Question: Greetings in the name of God! I’ve read through\u00a0your response to a mail from somebody whose fianc\u00e9e’s parents denied them consent to become one. Mine is a bit similar, except that my fianc\u00e9e’s father is deceased and the mother is insisting her daughter cannot marry me. Initially, she was in full support of our…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[64,1509],"class_list":["post-54879","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-marriage","tag-parents"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":33889,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-it-a-sin-not-to-get-married-in-a-church\/","url_meta":{"origin":54879,"position":0},"title":"Is it a sin not to get married in a church?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"April 2, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I am in my late twenties and my fiancee is a year younger than me. We live in an African country, and we have been engaged for several years now. We have been waiting for the approval of my fiancee's parents. They don't want the marriage because I am\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":43846,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/am-i-being-selfish-and-covetous-in-marrying-a-woman-who-had-a-child-by-another-man\/","url_meta":{"origin":54879,"position":1},"title":"Am I being selfish and covetous in marrying a woman who had a child by another man?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"November 6, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Greetings, I met my fianc\u00e9e last year and we became friends. We go to the same church. Later we decided to pray and ask God if we should get married and we did get confirmation. So we went to our pastor and told him of our decision. We are\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":47110,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-we-handle-the-mother-of-my-fiancees-former-boyfriend\/","url_meta":{"origin":54879,"position":2},"title":"How do we handle the mother of my fianc\u00e9e’s former boyfriend?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 8, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, My fianc\u00e9e and I are getting married soon.\u00a0 Recently, her grandfather has been going through trouble with cancer.\u00a0 It has brought up a few encouraging text messages. Here's where my problem begins.\u00a0 One of the encouraging texts comes repetitively from the same person.\u00a0 That person is the mother\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":49794,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-a-marriage-in-front-of-a-justice-of-the-peace-valid-in-gods-sight\/","url_meta":{"origin":54879,"position":3},"title":"Is a marriage in front of a Justice of the Peace valid in God’s sight?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 24, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Good afternoon, I have been praying for several weeks for the Lord's guidance.\u00a0 The questions that I have led to more questions.\u00a0 One day I came across one of your articles and I read.\u00a0 I started to cry.\u00a0 The article I read was:\u00a0Can my girlfriend and I get married\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":49282,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-it-true-that-a-couple-who-commits-fornication-cannot-get-married\/","url_meta":{"origin":54879,"position":4},"title":"Is it true that a couple who commits fornication cannot get married?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 13, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have had sex with the girl I proposed to marry. Now we are very close to our wedding. Her pastor became aware that we have had sex by virtue of her confession. She was told that I am not her husband and as such, can not get married\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":48198,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-parents-deny-consent-to-their-adult-children-getting-married\/","url_meta":{"origin":54879,"position":5},"title":"Can parents deny consent to their adult children getting married?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 8, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I read this from your site: Do adults need to honor their parents by obeying them? I have actually read your responses and the whole Question and Answer to the end. My situation with my fiancee's parents is almost similar to the one quoted below. \"You'll be surprised as\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/54879","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=54879"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/54879\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=54879"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=54879"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=54879"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}