I’ve been married for less than ten years. She left me a few years ago for the guy that took her virginity. I never divorced her, hoping she would come back. I honestly didn’t know where she was or if she was alive or anything.<\/p>\n
She called my mom over a year later to tell her she wanted to go to rehab and had been using meth. My mom drove across two states to take her to rehab, but she never showed up. Half a year later she called again and said she wanted to go to rehab, so my mom made all the arrangements for her to go to a Christian-based rehab. She actually went this time and on the long drive back told my mom she was pregnant.<\/p>\n
I went to the state she was in after she had her baby and visited her and the baby. It was so painful and so good. I went back home. I could only visit every other month according to the program she was in and less than that because I was so far away in another state.<\/p>\n
I ended up feeling more and more hurt that she had done this to me over two years of not knowing. It was so random and unexpected for me and my family and her family. She and I were close to God, and it was just absolutely out of sorts.<\/p>\n
I ended up sleeping with a girl, dating her and then leaving her for another girl. I told my wife and told her it was over, that too much damage had been done. I stayed with this girl for almost a year. We fought all the time. She is bipolar and has a very long history of burning every bridge she has come to. I actually proposed to her, moved in with her, and was going to get a divorce and remarry this girl. She started arguments all the time, would trash the house, and just, overall, was terrible to be around. Everyone who knew her warned me about her. I told her I didn’t want to be with her anymore and started feeling convicted to return to my wife. The day after I broke up with her she tells me she is pregnant.<\/p>\n
My wife is still in the program as a leader in her second year by choice. She has her daughter and is doing good. The girl I got pregnant is in jail for domestic abuse, criminal mischief, and trying to attack another girl she thought I was sleeping with.<\/p>\n
I’m not sure how to handle this.<\/p>\n\t
All of these stem from both you and your wife not obeying God. Your wife committed adultery and became a drug addict. You, in revenge, became an adulterer. Both of you, I suspect, tried to fix problems with additional sins, and that never works.<\/p>\n
First off, I would not count the girl you have been having sex with as being pregnant until there is some solid evidence that she is pregnant and that it is your child. The odds are that she is pregnant and it is your child, but when you deal with people like her, lies come too easily. If it turns out to be your child, then you need to get custody of the child, if possible, or see that the child is adopted out to a good family. If this woman insists on keeping the child, then arrange with the state to make child support payments, but don’t directly deal with the mother unless it is about picking up and dropping off your child. You have no right to marry this girl that you got pregnant (Matthew 5:32; 19:9).<\/p>\n
You and your wife are best off reconciling. You both need to put effort into it and expect that it won’t go smoothly. Get to know your daughter. She may not be yours biologically, but she is legally your daughter. She will need a real dad, and you can be that man.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Question: I’ve been married for less than ten years. She left me a few years ago for the guy that took her virginity. I never divorced her, hoping she would come back. I honestly didn’t know where she was or if she was alive or anything. She called my mom over a year later to…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[66,372],"class_list":["post-53747","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-adultery","tag-drugs"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":26656,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/if-i-divorce-my-wife-can-i-get-remarried\/","url_meta":{"origin":53747,"position":0},"title":"If I divorce my wife, can I get remarried?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 7, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Please help me.\u00a0 I came across your web site and your Bible-based answers to many questions seemed right on point with the Word of God.\u00a0 I have asked many pastors about my situation and gotten many different answers.\u00a0 My situation is complex but I will try to get to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":13971,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/we-are-constantly-having-to-nag-our-daughter-to-get-her-chores-done\/","url_meta":{"origin":53747,"position":1},"title":"We are constantly having to nag our daughter to get her chores done","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 24, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have a nine-year-old who is developing an attitude that we are always nagging and she can't do what she wants. Every time I ask her to do a chore she says yes, I go away, come back later and it won't be done. This can happen three or\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Adolescence"","block_context":{"text":"Adolescence","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/parenting\/adolescence\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":51395,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/where-should-i-go-from-here-im-an-alcoholic-my-wife-has-left-me-and-i-doubt-my-baptism\/","url_meta":{"origin":53747,"position":2},"title":"Where should I go from here? I’m an alcoholic, my wife has left me, and I doubt my baptism","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 15, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: To start off, I was baptized at the church of Christ I attended. Before that time I was getting really bad into drugs, and my drinking was off the charts. I don't remember what I knew of Christ, just that I needed to be baptized to enter Heaven. I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":29719,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-dont-know-if-i-should-wait-for-my-wife-to-come-back-or-move-on\/","url_meta":{"origin":53747,"position":3},"title":"I don’t know if I should wait for my wife to come back or move on","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 25, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, I came across your web site while searching for\u00a0answers on adultery. To try to make it short my wife and got married at a very young age. We felt that it was the correct thing to do because we had moved in with each other. A few months\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":21843,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/should-i-just-leave-my-family-problems-behind\/","url_meta":{"origin":53747,"position":4},"title":"Should I just leave my family problems behind?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"April 24, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hi, I\u2019ve been trying to figure out what I should do with my mom. We aren\u2019t in good terms for almost two years now due to some differences we have in life and decision making. Last year, I decided to move out and want to live independently since I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":88888,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-wife-abandoned-us-and-took-all-my-money\/","url_meta":{"origin":53747,"position":5},"title":"My wife abandoned us and took all my money","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 24, 2025","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Good Afternoon, Brother Hamilton, My wife and I were baptized into Christ and added to the Body. Last fall, my wife rushed to get dressed for a meeting. I asked her when the dementia medication for my Dad would arrive. It had already been several weeks. This led to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/53747","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=53747"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/53747\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=53747"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=53747"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=53747"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}