{"id":53411,"date":"2018-06-04T20:47:00","date_gmt":"2018-06-05T01:47:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/?p=53411"},"modified":"2025-04-04T09:54:27","modified_gmt":"2025-04-04T14:54:27","slug":"am-i-not-married-to-my-partner-after-living-with-her-for-seven-years","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/am-i-not-married-to-my-partner-after-living-with-her-for-seven-years\/","title":{"rendered":"Am I not married to my partner after living with her for seven years?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\t

Question:<\/h2>\n

Hello,<\/p>\n

I came across your website today and read one of your questions and answers topic and found it very interesting and comforting. I want to start by apologizing for the length of this question, but here goes:<\/p>\n

I have been studying the Bible for a long time and still thoroughly enjoy studying it even now. It never gets boring and always brings out something new every time I read the gospels especially. But the dilemma I have is about marriage. In my studies and research, we find very little about this in the Bible. Sure, we read about the coming together of the patriarchs and the gatherings they had even in the days when Jesus was on earth. We read that there was a coming together of two people and as such were then married by custom. As an example, Boaz and Ruth, which she laid at his feet on the threshing floor and in custom and in God’s eyes were married. We see many coming together in this way throughout the Bible. Joseph taking Mary into his house was a public declaration of marriage. Jesus attended a marriage feast as we know.<\/p>\n

But researching this has brought to my attention that it was the Catholic Church that put legal requirements on the nature of marriage, I mean like the marriage certificate. Before that, there was no marriage certificate or license. The entire ritual of the marriage ceremony is pagan from the confetti to the ring and everything in between.<\/p>\n

I am somewhat interested in this due to the fact that I used to be involved in the Jehovah’s Witnesses for a long time. One day I was told it would be beneficial for me to just get up and leave my defacto partner and children because we are not married and that is wrong in the sight of God. But looking at all the evidence about the marriage ritual, and the fact that there was no such thing in the Biblical history of the act, my question is: Is it wrong? I am in a relationship where we have never married, but we have great kids. It that wrong?<\/p>\n

Where I live, this country has a law that states that after seven years we are legally married here. I am not baptized. My partner is an unbeliever but has excepted the fact that I am. What I have gotten from the Bible is that God knows the hearts of the two people coming together. Have I understood is all that God requires?<\/p>\n\t

Answer:<\/h2>\n

There is a difference between researching a subject to justify what you want to believe and researching a subject to find out all that is taught.<\/p>\n

I notice that you refer to the woman you live with as your partner and not your wife. While your country accepts people as married who have lived together for seven years, what were you doing during the first six years? Were you not committing fornication by having sex together without being married? While your government accepts this, it remains sin in the laws of Christ. “Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge<\/em>” (Hebrews 13:4). Living together is not a marriage because there are no covenant vows to bind you together. “… she is your companion and your wife\u00a0by covenant<\/strong><\/em>” (Malachi 2:14). See Marriage Covenants<\/a>\u00a0for a list of verses establishing the various aspects of a marriage covenant. You cannot get something good (marriage) from doing evil (fornication). “And why not say (as we are slanderously reported and as some claim that we say), “Let us do evil that good may come”? Their condemnation is just<\/em>” (Romans 3:8).<\/p>\n

Ruth laying at Boaz’s feet did not make them married. The event happened in Ruth 3, but they did not get married until Ruth 4:13 after Boaz established before the elders his right to marry Ruth as the nearest available kin to her ex-husband. Joseph also married Mary after his vision of the angel. “And Joseph awoke from his sleep and did as the angel of the Lord commanded him, and took Mary as his wife<\/em>” (Matthew 1:24). True, the exact details of the marriage are not recorded, but the fact that they became husband and wife indicates that they became married.<\/p>\n

Stop pretending to be married to this woman. Get married.<\/p>\n

In the same way, stop pretending to be a believer and actually commit your life to Christ. See:\u00a0What Saves a Person?<\/a><\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Question: Hello, I came across your website today and read one of your questions and answers topic and found it very interesting and comforting. I want to start by apologizing for the length of this question, but here goes: I have been studying the Bible for a long time and still thoroughly enjoy studying it…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[1711,1572,655,64],"class_list":["post-53411","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-cohabitation","tag-fornication","tag-living-together","tag-marriage"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":52494,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/im-using-your-questions-and-answers-for-some-of-my-own-studies\/","url_meta":{"origin":53411,"position":0},"title":"I’m using your questions and answers for some of my own studies","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 31, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Thank you, Jeff, for sharing your wonderful plethora of questions and answers for the world to see. It is obvious from the number of website hits that you have provided some valuable information from God's word in application to relevant questions today. There are so many questions that are\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":45454,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/weve-been-together-for-seven-years-and-have-a-child-together-isnt-that-as-good-as-being-married\/","url_meta":{"origin":53411,"position":1},"title":"We’ve been together for seven years and have a child together. Isn’t that as good as being married?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 7, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hi, I have a question about sex before marriage. My girlfriend and I have been together for seven years, and we have a child together. She has gone off and on for years to church and I never. We have had our share of problems and are working together\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":30722,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/we-prayed-together-and-made-vows-to-god-but-our-wedding-is-not-until-next-year-are-we-committing-fornication-as-we-have-sex\/","url_meta":{"origin":53411,"position":2},"title":"We prayed together and made vows to God, but our wedding is not until next year. Are we committing fornication as we have sex?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"November 23, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I would like to ask you a question: I have read\u00a0your responses\u00a0to other people. I\u00a0am in a relationship. Both of us are Christians and we love God. We prayed together and vowed to God about our lives for our marriage. We are preparing for our wedding next year. We\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":42850,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/we-know-that-sex-before-marriage-is-wrong-but-we-arent-able-to-abstain-and-we-cant-get-married\/","url_meta":{"origin":53411,"position":3},"title":"We know that sex before marriage is wrong, but we aren’t able to abstain and we can’t get married","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 8, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, I am a girl who is in love with this boy. We have a child together. It has been shown to us and we now know that it's wrong to have sex before marriage. We feel guilty every time we do it. We have tried so many times\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":32248,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-can-we-do-better-at-studying-the-scriptures\/","url_meta":{"origin":53411,"position":4},"title":"How can we do better at studying the Scriptures?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 23, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hi, First of all, I want to thank you for the many articles and sermons on your website. They have been very helpful and it is encouraging to have access to so much information regarding God's word. I was recently talking to my girlfriend about becoming each other's accountability\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":16671,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-boyfriend-doesnt-want-to-get-married-yet-because-hell-be-dropped-from-his-dads-insurance-what-should-i-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":53411,"position":5},"title":"My boyfriend doesn’t want to get married yet because he’ll be dropped from his dad’s insurance. What should I do?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 22, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Ok, my fiance and I have been living together for almost six months now. We are not married. For a while I let myself get away from God and I didn't care if we were living together unmarried. I'm trying to get closer to God and receive forgiveness for\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/53411","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=53411"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/53411\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=53411"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=53411"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=53411"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}