Sir,<\/p>\n
I have written you before about my divorce and you responded, and I appreciate that. I am a member of the church of Christ and have been for many years. I listen to sermons on your website daily for at least 2-3 hours per day and really enjoy them. You are a very sound preacher and I hope to meet you someday.<\/p>\n
My wife left several months ago. She said needed a “break” and since decided that she wanted a divorce. I would not go along with the divorce and had planned on waiting for her to reconcile for a few months until I was made aware that she was seeing an ex-boyfriend from several years back. I then filed for divorce and it will be final within a couple of weeks.<\/p>\n
Although I truly believe I have biblical grounds for divorce, I still feel guilt, shame, and depression over the divorce because I never wanted a divorce. I also care for her and her soul so much that it is tearing me up inside to deal with it. I love her and care about her, even though I have no doubt that she has committed adultery. I know I shouldn’t beat myself up over this and everyone tells me that I should move on because the divorce is scriptural, but I can’t seem to do that yet.<\/p>\n
In the last month, she has contacted me, stating that she is depressed and lost. I believe that she has regrets, but my question is: Do you think that because she has done wrong God is “punishing her” by making her depressed and feel guilt and shame? She is a prideful person and has not yet admitted any wrongdoing, but I am wondering if any of the depression and hard times she is facing could be from the sins she has committed. Even though I am certain she has cheated, I feel like I should have grace on her later on if<\/strong>\u00a0she did come back and repent and want to reconcile because that is what God would want. I may not be making any sense but I just feel like I need to have grace, mercy, and forgiveness for her even though I have the reasons to “move on” and remarry if I wish.<\/p>\n What are your thoughts? Thank you so much for any help and insight. God bless you.<\/p>\n\t What I always advise people do is to give a marriage every opportunity to work. That is what God did with the Israelites when they repeatedly broke their covenant with God. After all, ” “For I hate divorce,” says the LORD, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the LORD of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously” <\/em>” (Malachi 2:16). Divorce your wife because she makes it clear that she won’t give up her sin.<\/p>\n Though she is depressed, sorrow alone is not repentance. “For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death. For behold what earnestness this very thing, this godly sorrow, has produced in you: what vindication of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what avenging of wrong! In everything you demonstrated yourselves to be innocent in the matter<\/em>” (II Corinthians 7:10-11). What is troubling is that there are only regrets — there are no changes.<\/p>\n Let her know that you don’t want a divorce, but she left you no choice since she refuses to admit she is wrong and return to you. This is really her choice. Your choice was that you don’t want a wandering spouse. Even if the divorce goes through, you can always take her back — if she does come back. However, remember that it it is her choice — one that you cannot force.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: Sir, I have written you before about my divorce and you responded, and I appreciate that. I am a member of the church of Christ and have been for many years. I listen to sermons on your website daily for at least 2-3 hours per day and really enjoy them. You are a very…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[167],"class_list":["post-52280","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-divorce"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":21383,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-wife-has-been-committing-adultery-with-her-step-brother-what-do-i-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":52280,"position":0},"title":"My wife has been committing adultery with her step-brother. What do I do?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 24, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Should I stay married and does my wife need to tell the truth? I have been married for over 15 years. I caught my wife cheating on me 10 years ago with her step-brother. She said all they did was kiss, but I knew it was not true. We\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":27249,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-know-my-wife-committed-adultery-after-she-filed-for-divorce-do-i-have-the-right-to-remarry\/","url_meta":{"origin":52280,"position":1},"title":"I know my wife committed adultery after she filed for divorce. 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It's been hard for me to decide whether or not I should stand for my marriage or just file for divorce. There was infidelity on my part 7 years ago, and I had carried the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":28696,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/did-my-fiance-have-a-right-to-divorce-his-first-wife\/","url_meta":{"origin":52280,"position":3},"title":"Did my fiance have a right to divorce his first wife?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 18, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello! I really appreciate your question and answer site. I use it regularly when studying a specific subject. I have a question, and I believe I already know the answer, but I wondered what your response to my question would be. So here it goes ... I divorced a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":41488,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-wife-is-leaving-me-after-only-seven-months-of-marriage-where-does-this-leave-me\/","url_meta":{"origin":52280,"position":4},"title":"My wife is leaving me after only seven months of marriage. Where does this leave me?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 8, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I am 19 years old and recently married my high school sweetheart.\u00a0 Now seven months later she wants a divorce, and it's not for adultery. Should I refuse to sign for the divorce?\u00a0 And if she continues with the divorce, without my agreement, and later remarries someone else, where\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":27669,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/the-woman-i-have-been-dating-only-just-recently-filed-for-divorce-would-she-have-the-right-to-remarry\/","url_meta":{"origin":52280,"position":5},"title":"The woman I have been dating only just recently filed for divorce. Would she have the right to remarry?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 2, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, and thank you for your biblical answers. After my divorce, I met a woman online who assured me that she was in the process of getting a divorce. I told her that I did not get involved with married women, but we ended up going bowling anyway and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/52280","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=52280"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/52280\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=52280"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=52280"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=52280"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Answer:<\/h2>\n