{"id":51315,"date":"2017-09-08T19:44:00","date_gmt":"2017-09-09T00:44:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/?p=51315"},"modified":"2022-08-07T19:48:28","modified_gmt":"2022-08-08T00:48:28","slug":"do-i-need-to-tell-my-fiancee-that-ive-been-having-sex-with-other-women-during-our-engagement","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/do-i-need-to-tell-my-fiancee-that-ive-been-having-sex-with-other-women-during-our-engagement\/","title":{"rendered":"Do I need to tell my fianc\u00e9e that I&#8217;ve been having sex with other women during our engagement?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\t<h2>Question:<\/h2>\n<p>I have been into several relationships in the past, but none is as great as the one I am currently in. The problem is that I have not been able to maintain sexual purity for the past several years after I became sexually active. Currently, I am nearly 30 years old. I plan on getting married in a few months to this woman I love so much, but the problem is that I haven&#8217;t stopped seeing the other ladies I have been with. The reason is that I told myself that I can only be faithful to one woman from my wedding day &#8212; based on past experience and now my appetite for sex. This, I suspect, has been the major reason why I am in this current situation. The lady I hope to marry is largely unaware of this, and I fear telling her, unsure of what her actions and decision would be. I really do love her and many times wish I have met her a lot earlier &#8212; before I sowed my wild oats. The urge to have sex is so strong with my partner, but she always turns me down. This hurts me a lot, but I do not want to force it on her. She is a better Christian than I have been so far. So I would call my ready partner to come over and we have sex, and after that, I am fine for another week or so.<\/p>\n<p>My questions now are as followings:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>How can I stop this evil that I am involved in?<\/li>\n<li>How can I start a new beginning for myself?<\/li>\n<li>What do I need to do to stop it totally?<\/li>\n<li>How do I proceed with the wedding plan with this great woman I love, or do I cancel it as we have less than a year to the tentative date?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I really do need help.<\/p>\n\t<h2>Answer:<\/h2>\n<p>Yes, you do need help. I don&#8217;t think you appreciate the position you are in. &#8220;<em>Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God<\/em>&#8221; (I Corinthians 6:9-10). You think of yourself as a Christian, but you are not behaving like one at all.<\/p>\n<p>You are approaching this from a selfish viewpoint. You justify the sex because you desire it. You tell yourself that it isn&#8217;t that bad because you believe you will stop after you get married. But if you can&#8217;t honor God&#8217;s laws now, what makes you think that you will honor God and your wife after marriage?<\/p>\n<p>Worse, you are partly blaming your fianc\u00e9e for your sin. You essentially stated that if she had just allowed you to commit fornication with her, there would have been no need to commit fornication with other women. However, it is\u00a0<em>still fornication<\/em>! She is right to turn you down, but the fact that you have been asking for sex without marriage should have been a warning to her that you are not the man you pretend to be.<\/p>\n<p>It doesn&#8217;t matter how badly you want sex, committing fornication has no excuse. &#8220;<em>No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it<\/em>&#8221; (I Corinthians 10:13). You managed to live without sex from puberty until a few years ago. There is no reason you could not have gone back to what you did before to relieve your sexual desires. But as Paul stated, &#8220;<em>But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion<\/em>&#8221; (I Corinthians 7:9). You could have just moved up the wedding date.<\/p>\n<p>Since you have been continually unfaithful during your engagement, I would insist that you talk to your fianc\u00e9e and offer her the option to cancel the wedding &#8212; it should be her choice. But at the same time, you need to immediately stop your sin. No one will make you keep your pants on. It has to be your choice and what happens is your responsibility. &#8220;<em>The person who sins will die. The son will not bear the punishment for the father&#8217;s iniquity, nor will the father bear the punishment for the son&#8217;s iniquity; the righteousness of the righteous will be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked will be upon himself<\/em>&#8221; (Ezekiel 18:20). Christianity is not something you play at. It is a serious lifetime commitment to God. &#8220;<em>Jesus said to him,&#8221;&#8216;You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.&#8217; This is the first and great commandment&#8221; <\/em>&#8221; (Matthew 22:37-38).<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Question: I have been into several relationships in the past, but none is as great as the one I am currently in. The problem is that I have not been able to maintain sexual purity for the past several years after I became sexually active. Currently, I am nearly 30 years old. I plan on&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[662,1572],"class_list":["post-51315","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-engagement","tag-fornication"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":37219,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/should-i-end-our-engagement-even-though-weve-sinned\/","url_meta":{"origin":51315,"position":0},"title":"Should I end our engagement even though we&#8217;ve sinned?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 17, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, I am a 25 years old woman. I met my fiance about five years ago as a friend. Eventually, the friendship turned out to be a much-committed relationship. He proposed to me for marriage. We have been engaged for several years. We have been postponing marriage due to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Answer&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":51816,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/did-i-act-too-fast-when-i-broke-up-with-my-fiancee-because-she-was-seeing-other-men\/","url_meta":{"origin":51315,"position":1},"title":"Did I act too fast when I broke up with my fianc\u00e9e because she was seeing other men?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 26, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I'm in my thirties and my fianc\u00e9e is in her twenties. I've been in a relationship for three years with her, and we got engaged. She said I was the only one she was seeing, but within that period I forgave her twice for texting and dating other men.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Answer&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":44650,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-have-only-had-sex-with-guys-but-dont-consider-myself-gay\/","url_meta":{"origin":51315,"position":2},"title":"I have only had sex with guys but don&#8217;t consider myself gay","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 11, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have only had sex with guys but don't consider myself gay. I am attracted to women, but I can't just have sex with any woman. When I was 11 I had my first experience with a girl, but it was my younger half-sister, so, of course, I was\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Answer&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":14127,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/should-i-date-someone-who-might-have-been-married-before\/","url_meta":{"origin":51315,"position":3},"title":"Should I date someone who might have been married before?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 25, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hi, I'm a Christian and in my late twenties. There is this young woman at my workplace whom I am really interested in. I don't know her too well, but I do know that she is very sweet and that she claims to be a Christian. The problem is\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Answer&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":34170,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/why-didnt-my-old-girlfriend-want-me\/","url_meta":{"origin":51315,"position":4},"title":"Why didn&#8217;t my old girlfriend want me?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 20, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, I was 15 years of age and a girl lived just in front of our house. She proposed to me one day. She was 16 years of age at the time. She said to me that she loved me a lot. We exchanged flying kisses and smiles. This\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Answer&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":45111,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-lied-to-my-wife-about-my-adultery-do-i-have-to-tell-her\/","url_meta":{"origin":51315,"position":5},"title":"I lied to my wife about my adultery. Do I have to tell her?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 13, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hi, I am writing this email to ask a serious question about my life. I'm a Christian. I have been married for three years. But I had a problem with sex \"addiction\" (I'm not that sure if it's or not). I am highly drawn to girls since I was\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Answer&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/51315","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=51315"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/51315\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=51315"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=51315"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=51315"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}