Sir,<\/p>\n
Unknowingly I fell in love with a guy who is divorced. He is more than ten years older than I am. He divorced his ex because she was an unbeliever. She wanted to separate from him. The guy is near my home. He has struggled a lot in his life.<\/p>\n
I was attracted (not physically) to him because he was studious, a musician, an athlete, and most of all he is a believer. Two years after his divorce, we had a small formal chat online, later shared numbers, and started telling about each other’s interests, likes, and dislikes. He found me attractive and started telling me that he is in love with me and wants to marry me. I went with the flow and agreed without thinking much about what I committed to. I was happy because I had great peace. He has all qualities that I was looking for. I thought we matched well. I even thought this was a God-made pairing.<\/p>\n
We decided to meet each other and when I met him, I am sorry to say that I didn’t at all like his looks. I started hating him, and I don’t want to be with him. I started praying to God not to keep him in my life. I don’t want to marry him, but I believe that if I tell him the truth, he will be very much hurt. I went with him to his home. He kissed and hugged me, but I did not feel good about it. I know these all things before marriage are sins, but I didn’t know what to do.<\/p>\n
Later I told him that I do not love him. I told him that I can be his friend, but I can’t love him. He said “Don’t reject me. It is a God-made pairing. Don’t go against God’s will.” He is getting very emotional and is not leaving me alone. But I don’t like him. How can I be happy with someone whom I don’t love? I like him as a person, but I don’t want to marry him and I don’t want to hurt him. What should I do? I have made a big mistake (sin). First of all, he has been betrayed by his ex, and if I reject him, is that like cheating on him? When I don’t love him, how can it be a God-made pairing? How should I come out of this trap? Please help me.<\/p>\n\t
Let’s start with a basic principle. God doesn’t choose your spouse for you. He tells us how to make a good choice in a spouse, but the actual choice is up to you. This man left his wife because she is not a Christian; yet, that leaving does not give him the right to a second marriage. Only when a divorce is due to the other spouse committing fornication does the person have a right to a second marriage (Matthew 19:9). If he marries again, it would be considered to be adultery and God never supports sin.<\/p>\n
Of course, he is going to be unhappy when you break up with him. You can’t avoid that, nor are you responsible for his happiness. The whole purpose of dating is to get to know someone well enough to make a good decision about whether you want to marry him or not. You decided you don’t like him well enough to have him as a husband (besides the fact that it would cause you to sin if you did marry him). That is your choice. It takes two people, both agreeing to form a marriage. You’ll have to be firm with him and probably will have to cut off all communication with him before he gets the hint.<\/p>\n\t
Thank you so much, sir! I got an answer to my questions. God bless your ministry.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Question: Sir, Unknowingly I fell in love with a guy who is divorced. He is more than ten years older than I am. He divorced his ex because she was an unbeliever. She wanted to separate from him. The guy is near my home. He has struggled a lot in his life. I was attracted…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[149,65],"class_list":["post-50480","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-dating","tag-love"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":34378,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-found-out-the-man-im-dating-is-living-with-his-ex-wife-should-i-wait-until-he-moves-out-before-marrying-him\/","url_meta":{"origin":50480,"position":0},"title":"I found out the man I’m dating is living with his ex-wife. Should I wait until he moves out before marrying him?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"August 12, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hi, This man approached me, I had never seen him before and he worked next to the building I worked at. Well, one day, he stopped me and asked me out. I went and we started dating. He told me he was divorced and lived alone. Well, I believed\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":44128,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/should-i-move-on-and-let-this-man-repair-his-family\/","url_meta":{"origin":50480,"position":1},"title":"Should I move on and let this man repair his family?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 5, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Good day, sir! I'd like to thank you in advance for reading my letter. I've been quite troubled over my current situation and I hope you can offer me some advice. My guy and I have been together for some time now, and I've had hopes for an impending\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":33275,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/if-i-divorce-my-husband-can-i-marry-my-lover\/","url_meta":{"origin":50480,"position":2},"title":"If I divorce my husband, can I marry my lover?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 19, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hi, I'm a Christian and I'm married, but my husband doesn't love me. He ignores me, he verbally abuses me and does not like to make love before sex, so I'm always bruised and in pain afterward. He says if he shows me love he will have to show\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":34785,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/why-am-i-so-unlucky-in-love\/","url_meta":{"origin":50480,"position":3},"title":"Why am I so unlucky in love?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 1, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, I'm a young lady, aged 21. This issue has been bothering me for a while now and I just feel I need someone who can counsel me. Several years ago, I started my first year at college. After a few weeks, I met a very cute guy and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":24503,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-could-a-woman-in-an-adulterous-marriage-have-the-right-to-remarry-after-a-divorce\/","url_meta":{"origin":50480,"position":4},"title":"How could a woman in an adulterous marriage have the right to remarry after a divorce?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 13, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have read through your articles and thoroughly enjoyed them, and even taken a few sermons and re-worked them into sermons that I preached here. However, when I came across\u00a0an answer to a question you made concerning divorce and remarriage, I was a bit taken aback because of you\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":34170,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/why-didnt-my-old-girlfriend-want-me\/","url_meta":{"origin":50480,"position":5},"title":"Why didn’t my old girlfriend want me?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 20, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, I was 15 years of age and a girl lived just in front of our house. She proposed to me one day. She was 16 years of age at the time. She said to me that she loved me a lot. We exchanged flying kisses and smiles. This\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/50480","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=50480"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/50480\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=50480"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=50480"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=50480"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}