For a Christian, true forgiveness is not an option. “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses<\/em>” (Matthew 6:14-15). Your salvation is determined by your ability to forgive others. Yes, I understand that your wife’s adultery hurts deeply, but that is not an excuse to withhold forgiveness.<\/p>\n I assume she has not repeated her sin, so all you are doing is trying to punish her by constantly bringing up the past every time you are mad at her. However, love “keeps no record of wrongs<\/em>” (I Corinthians 13:5 NIV). By constantly bringing up the past, you make it more difficult to solve current problems. Problems are easier solved when they are dealt with one at a time. How would you like it if your boss at work reminded you of your past mistakes each time you made a different mistake?<\/p>\n Therefore, first understand that your wife did not leave you for another man. She has chosen to stay with you, and that says something considering the way you’ve been treating her. Appreciate her. Love her because that is what you are commanded to do. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her<\/em>” (Ephesians 5:25). When Christ died for us, we were not all that lovable; yet, Christ chose to love us and die for us. That word for love in Greek refers to a dedicated love that is given, even when it is not returned. It isn’t necessarily something you feel but something you choose to give.<\/p>\n Second, there are two studies I want you to work through, reading\u00a0all\u00a0<\/em>the passages:<\/p>\n These will give you a better idea of how to manage your anger. Most often we get angry when we want something to change and can’t make it happen. I suspect that you are wanting the past to change. What you have to realize is that it won’t change, but you can change the future. Focus on what you do have the ability to change.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: Hello Minister, I write this with the hope that you’ll be able to help me to unshackle this chain that I’ve been hauling for many years. I’m a very angry man, and I find it difficult to forgive and let it go. I used to be a very kind and loving person, which I’ll…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[66,1503,1571],"class_list":["post-50229","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-adultery","tag-anger","tag-forgiveness"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":44878,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-havent-been-faithful-in-my-marriage-but-i-cant-stop-thinking-about-what-my-wife-did-before-our-marriage\/","url_meta":{"origin":50229,"position":0},"title":"I haven’t been faithful in my marriage, but I can’t stop thinking about what my wife did before our marriage","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 17, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My wife cheated on me in the first month of our relationship while we were dating. She confessed to me immediately. I know she was really sorry, though I myself was sleeping around at the time too. I have strong images of her confessions in my mind even after\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":46667,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-ex-boyfriend-married-someone-else-but-wants-to-come-back-to-me-what-should-i-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":50229,"position":1},"title":"My ex-boyfriend married someone else but wants to come back to me. What should I do?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 10, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have never been married, but I do have children. (I know -- not good.) My child's father and I broke up and a few weeks later he married the girl with whom he had cheated on me.\u00a0 After nearly a year of no communication, he reached out to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":32286,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-husband-blames-me-for-his-adulteries-and-our-divorce-how-do-i-move-past-this\/","url_meta":{"origin":50229,"position":2},"title":"My husband blames me for his adulteries and our divorce. How do I move past this?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 26, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I'm really torn about my divorce. My husband left me for another woman, divorced me, and married her. I'm still crushed after several years. Our marriage started out poorly. We had pre-marital sex and I even had an abortion. A few months before we got married, I had sex\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":21632,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-thought-i-was-married-but-found-out-i-wasnt-i-had-cheated-on-the-man-i-thought-was-my-husband-does-that-prevent-me-from-marrying-him\/","url_meta":{"origin":50229,"position":3},"title":"I thought I was married but found out I wasn’t. I had cheated on the man I thought was my husband. Does that prevent me from marrying him?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 9, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have a question about committing adultery while being married. My boyfriend and I believed that we were married and had sexual intercourse. But during that time I strayed and committed adultery with another guy. I know this is a sin and I continually asked for forgiveness from God\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":43635,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-cheated-on-my-marriage-can-i-be-forgiven-can-i-remarry\/","url_meta":{"origin":50229,"position":4},"title":"I cheated on my marriage. Can I be forgiven? Can I remarry?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 10, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Blessings! I have three questions: Will God forgive me because I committed adultery twice in my marriage with the same man and I was already a Christian? Can I remarry the man with the one I cheated on my now ex-husband with? We still see each other and talk,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":31466,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/if-i-left-my-wife-because-she-had-an-affair-years-ago-does-that-allow-for-remarriage\/","url_meta":{"origin":50229,"position":5},"title":"If I left my wife because she had an affair years ago, does that allow for remarriage?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 26, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hi, I'm glad I found this site. I am hoping I can get some unbiased answers to some questions I have concerning situations in my life and the church. I did not attend church growing up. After college, I met a member of the church of Christ. I dated\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/50229","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=50229"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/50229\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=50229"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=50229"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=50229"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}\n