Hello brother, how are you?<\/p>\n
I have a question for you, but first, let me give you some context.\u00a0I am a Spanish-speaking minister who works with an English-speaking church that meets in the same building.<\/p>\n
There is a sister in the church who has always come to church. She has a son that used to come to church, but when he got his girlfriend pregnant he stopped coming. He also decided to not finish his last year in high school but instead work.<\/p>\n
Not long ago, his mom told me that her son and his girlfriend want to get married.\u00a0I told her that it was a great idea. But she told me that she needed help with their wedding. She said she wasn’t looking to spend much money. I told her that I don’t mind helping her. She also asked me if I could get my mother to help her, as well as the church. I told her that I would ask them.<\/p>\n
I told my mother, and she didn’t mind talking to her about the plans. But when I talked to her later, she told me that I need to be careful with her.<\/p>\n
My mother told me that when they were planning, she was looking for expensive things. As soon as they were done, my mother told me to tell her that I would help to buy the cups and the items to cut the cake since they would be the cheapest before she called and asked me to buy something really expensive.<\/p>\n
My mother also asked her if her family (a very big family) is going to help her with the wedding. Basically, her answer was she didn’t want to bother them.\u00a0That made me think about something she said on Sunday when we were talking. She said that the wedding was going to be limited only to her family. I asked her “what about the church?” She responded that when she meant her family, she was also including her spiritual family.<\/p>\n
Then she asked me if I could ask the English-speaking minister if he could help with some money for the wedding. I told her that I would ask but wasn’t sure if he could help.<\/p>\n
My mother, after she talked to her about the planning, told me that she was going to ask the brethren who speak English if they can help with money.<\/p>\n
I will be honest brother, but I am feeling very questionable about all of this. I am thinking that maybe she is taking advantage of the church’s brethren and their kindness. But I also think that she doesn’t know that she is doing that.\u00a0I don’t mind helping, and I would love for the young couple to get married instead of living together in fornication.\u00a0\u00a0But I also want to set things straight and don’t know when or where to start.<\/p>\n
What advice can you give me brother? What is the Bible’s limit on kindness?\u00a0Where is the limit (if there is any) to helping someone? Is there a difference between helping a Christian and a non-Christian? And who takes priority?<\/p>\n
Thank you for your time brother, I know is a lot I am asking, but I really need biblical guidance.<\/p>\n
May God bless you.<\/p>\n\t
The basic problem is that a young man is committing fornication. He shows no repentance for his sin since he continues to live with the woman he got pregnant. The only step he has made in the right direction is that he wants to get married.<\/p>\n
A wedding doesn’t have to be expensive or elaborate. In most places, you can go down to the local courthouse and get a marriage license. If he would like a preacher to perform the ceremony, I see nothing wrong with offering to do the wedding ceremony. If he wishes the brethren to see that he is making a change in his life, then there is nothing wrong with him inviting the brethren to witness his marriage. But notice that these things involve encouraging the young man to change — no money is involved.<\/p>\n
The mother is attempting to change this. By asking the brethren to pay for a more elaborate wedding, it rapidly approaches a celebration of the fact that the young man sinned. I know the mother wants a nice wedding for her son, but that is her desire and not the brethren’s responsibility. The fact that she won’t talk to her family about her plans for his wedding is a huge red flag.<\/p>\n
What I would suggest is bypassing the mother. Talk to the young man and his bride-to-be. Discuss with them why they wish to marry and what will be their plans for the future. Talk to them about returning to the church and leaving their sins behind. Ask them what is hindering them from repenting (changing their life and attitudes) and offer to help remove roadblocks.<\/p>\n
I suspect that the couple has no plans for returning to God, but in hopes of the best, if they are working to improve their lives, I am sure you will see the brethren more than happy to help them do what is right without having to be asked.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Question: Hello brother, how are you? I have a question for you, but first, let me give you some context.\u00a0I am a Spanish-speaking minister who works with an English-speaking church that meets in the same building. There is a sister in the church who has always come to church. She has a son that used…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[1570,1572,353],"class_list":["post-50214","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-examples","tag-fornication","tag-influence"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":24625,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-i-keep-my-family-from-dividing-over-my-choice-of-a-girlfriend\/","url_meta":{"origin":50214,"position":0},"title":"How do I keep my family from dividing over my choice of a girlfriend?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"August 12, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Good evening sir, I need advice. I'm dating my brother's ex-girlfriend. They dated for almost five years. It ended when my brother got another girl pregnant and he eventually ended up marrying the other girl. Five years after the breakup, I developed feelings for her, and when I told\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":36998,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-i-have-sex-with-a-woman-who-is-willing-and-cannot-get-pregnant\/","url_meta":{"origin":50214,"position":1},"title":"Can I have sex with a woman who is willing and cannot get pregnant?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 7, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I got married to an unfaithful woman. I guess having it her way counts as unfaithfulness? My dad and others where we were living did not want us together as she: Had 16 boyfriends before me Did not pay her rent or telephone bills Had a lot of medical\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":42943,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-i-assure-my-girlfriend-that-im-the-right-man-for-her-despite-what-her-prophet-said\/","url_meta":{"origin":50214,"position":2},"title":"How do I assure my girlfriend that I’m the right man for her, despite what her prophet said?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 13, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I'm a 28 years old guy who is dating a 22 years old girl, who just graduated with her bachelor's degree. We have been dating for nine months. I'm a Christian. We don't attend the same church. At the moment she is not getting along with me and she\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":41943,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/while-engaged-i-slept-with-a-former-girlfriend-who-is-now-pregnant-what-do-i-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":50214,"position":3},"title":"While engaged, I slept with a former girlfriend, who is now pregnant. What do I do?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 21, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Dear sir, Greetings to you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Please I want to seek your advice in this regard. I met a lady after my youth service corps, and we started dating each other, but later I discovered that I couldn't marry her because she\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":7238,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/does-getting-a-girl-pregnant-and-promising-to-marry-her-later-make-us-married\/","url_meta":{"origin":50214,"position":4},"title":"Does getting a girl pregnant and promising to marry her later make us married?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"August 10, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, I was baptized in the Catholic Church. I had a girlfriend, with whom I had dry-humped. Two weeks before having sexual intercourse, I told her that I was thinking about break up with her because I didn't feel we should be together. After a week of sexual intercourse,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":47083,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-girlfriend-left-me-twice-and-is-now-pregnant-by-the-other-man-how-do-i-get-past-her-past\/","url_meta":{"origin":50214,"position":5},"title":"My girlfriend left me twice and is now pregnant by the other man. How do I get past her past?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 5, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I met this lady, several years ago. I loved her so much. I told her and we became friends. Later she dropped me and went with another person she loved, though she didn't tell me. 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