by J. R. Bronger<\/p>\n
Divorce! This word used to call to mind “breaking up a home,” and with it trauma, unhappiness, and all manner of problems. Today, however, it is so commonplace that it rarely raises an eyebrow. There is no need to overwhelm you with statistics in order to prove that nearly half of all marriages end in divorce. Personal evidence may be sufficient. It is probably safe to assume that you have in some manner been touched by divorce, whether by friends, family, or perhaps yourself.<\/p>\n
Despite the Lord’s teaching that marriage is permanent and man is\u00a0not<\/strong>\u00a0to separate what God has joined together\u00a0(Matthew 19:6)\u00a0divorce continues unabated. The only exception to the Lord’s no divorce policy is sexual immorality (fornication) according to\u00a0Matthew 19:9. But, did you know that adultery is\u00a0not<\/strong> the reason most couples divorce? Surveys indicate that incompatibility, financial problems, sexual inadequacy, mental or physical abuse, no longer being in love, or loving someone else is the leading factors resulting in divorce. Regardless of the name put on the reason for seeking a divorce, the real incentive is selfishness. People divorce for selfish reasons.<\/p>\n A 40-year-old school administrator walked out of her 19-year marriage because she felt her husband was “boring, uneducated, and unmotivated.” Now she wanted someone who was “an intellectual dynamo, and successful in his career.” Her divorce was about her, not her husband. She acted out of selfishness!<\/p>\n Even incompatibility and sexual inadequacy are code words for selfishness. Incompatibility says, “You<\/strong>\u00a0are not like\u00a0me<\/strong>.” Or, “Our love life is the pits because\u00a0you\u00a0<\/strong>don’t know how to please\u00a0me<\/strong>.” How we see our partners often depends more on how\u00a0we<\/strong>\u00a0are than how\u00a0they<\/strong> are. For example, before they married she thought he was unselfish, considerate, and smelled of cologne. But after marriage, all he wants to do is watch TV and he smells like Doritos. In her view, he has gone from Stud to Dud. Before they married he thought she was a knockout, now to him she looks like she has been knocked out. Self-centeredness is slowly suffocating this marriage. Selfishness is about commitment to me<\/strong>, love of\u00a0me<\/strong>, and serving me<\/strong>\u00a0and it will destroy any marriage despite God’s prohibitions against divorce.<\/p>\n For years, members of churches of Christ lagged far behind the general population in the number of divorces sought. Still behind, the gap is shrinking. Preachers, elders, deacons, and bible class teachers are joining the ranks of the divorced. Men and women are walking away from the vows they exchanged even though they know full well the bible forbids divorce. Selfishness is driving men and women to solve their perceived problems by divorcing. Change partners, like changing a shirt one no longer likes.<\/p>\n When a man ceases making marriage about him and begins to make it about his wife – his marriage will less likely end in divorce. When a woman stops demanding her marriage center on her and begins to focus on her husband, her marriage will less likely be ended by divorce. Paul said, “Let each of you look out not only for his own interests but also for the interests of others<\/em>” (Philippians 2:4). This is an excellent medicine for any marriage, including yours.<\/p>\n Love is doing just that. “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up . . .<\/em>” (I Corinthians 13:4). Love is not something that you find, fall in or fall out of. Love is in you, and you can learn to love another human being, if you take the time to do it, and if you have the desire to do it. If people would stop dwelling on themselves and begin to dwell on their spouse, soon they could rekindle the love that was once there, or always wished had been there.<\/p>\n Do everything possible to keep your marriage together and keep it happy. Always have the intention of being together for life. Do not let anything or anyone change that determination. Also, give yourself completely to your partner, body, mind, and being. If your marriage bed is unfulfilling this is something that can and must be corrected (the Bible calls this sin in I Corinthians 7:1-5). Talk about it with your husband or wife. Solve it the way God says solve it.<\/p>\n Love your mate unconditionally and with an unselfish heart. Look out for the well-being of your partner and not yourself. Take time to enjoy every minute together, you may not have tomorrow. You are one flesh, so become one every day.<\/p>\n I’ve witnessed men and women pour themselves into caring for a disabled or dying partner. No task is too great, and no chore too disgusting. No complaining, no moaning, and no regrets – just complete serving. This doesn’t just happen. Those who care for a dying spouse with patience, love, and tenderness do so with the same devotion they had before the illness invaded. This fidelity comes from selflessness and not selfishness.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" by J. R. Bronger Divorce! This word used to call to mind “breaking up a home,” and with it trauma, unhappiness, and all manner of problems. Today, however, it is so commonplace that it rarely raises an eyebrow. There is no need to overwhelm you with statistics in order to prove that nearly half of…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[27],"tags":[167,64,1363],"class_list":["post-49873","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-article","tag-divorce","tag-marriage","tag-selfishness"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":25370,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-every-divorce-that-is-not-for-fornication-a-sin\/","url_meta":{"origin":49873,"position":0},"title":"Is every divorce that is not for fornication a sin?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 23, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: \"How it is possible for a requirement that if a woman divorces her husband, she must remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband (a command by the Lord according to Paul) if the only allowed cause for divorce is fornication which gives by implication the non-fornicator the right\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":95065,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/discriminating-against-biblical-marriage\/","url_meta":{"origin":49873,"position":1},"title":"Discriminating Against Biblical Marriage","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"April 12, 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"by Michael R. Baggett Would you have thought 20, 30, or 40 years ago we would live to see the day when Biblical marriage would be discriminated against? Biblical marriage is treated like just one kind of relationship in our society. In some cases, it is not recognized at all.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Article"","block_context":{"text":"Article","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/article\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":52854,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-parents-annul-their-daughters-marriage\/","url_meta":{"origin":49873,"position":2},"title":"Can parents annul their daughter’s marriage?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 19, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Please Minister, Can it be right for a parent to annul the marriage of their daughter based on disrespectful behavior shown toward them by their son-in-law? Can a married woman divorce her husband based on the same reason? Answer: A marriage covenant is between a husband and wife (Matthew\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":23206,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/what-do-you-think-about-the-catholic-view-of-divorce\/","url_meta":{"origin":49873,"position":3},"title":"What do you think about the Catholic view of divorce?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 3, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I read your web site today concerning divorce and the Bible.\u00a0 Clearly, God considers divorce a serious matter, possibly a sin. However, for years Catholics had strict rules about divorce and remarriage.\u00a0 It seems that Catholics were unfairly targeted as being too unforgiving or strict when it came to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":37394,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-divorce-only-allowed-during-the-engagement\/","url_meta":{"origin":49873,"position":4},"title":"Is divorce only allowed during the engagement?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 27, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Regarding\u00a0How could a woman in an adulterous marriage have the right to remarry after a divorce?\u00a0I believe there is something very important you are missing. Matthew was written to a\u00a0Jewish\u00a0readership, Mark and Luke were written for a\u00a0Gentile readership. As you know from the nativity story, Joseph was betrothed to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2894,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/does-it-matter-who-files-for-the-divorce\/","url_meta":{"origin":49873,"position":5},"title":"Does it matter who files for the divorce?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 24, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: When you say that someone may divorce their spouse due to fornication, does it matter who actually files the papers? A woman I know moved out of her house, filed divorce papers, and then started dating another man. Her husband didn't know for sure if she was committing adultery\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49873","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=49873"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49873\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=49873"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=49873"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=49873"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}