I have had sex with the girl I proposed to marry. Now we are very close to our wedding. Her pastor became aware that we have had sex by virtue of her confession. She was told that I am not her husband and as such, can not get married since we slept together.<\/p>\n
Sir, I need your candid advice.<\/p>\n
Also, I want to find out if people who have prayed and are convinced that God approved of their marriage and later fall into sex before the wedding, does it invalidate the fact that God spoke to them to be married? Can God disapprove of the marriage confirmed by Him before because of sex after confession and repentance have taken place?<\/p>\n\t
Let me start out by being very clear: sex outside of marriage is wrong. “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge<\/em>” (Hebrews 13:4). I get the impression from your note that while you see it technically as wrong, you don’t think that what you did was all that bad because you planned to get married anyway. But your plans did not change the fact that you sinned.<\/p>\n It is correct that you are currently not her husband. Sex does not create a marriage. It is the wedding vows, the covenant, that creates a marriage. “Yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant<\/em>” (Malachi 2:14).<\/p>\n However, the preacher is wrong. There is no law forbidding fornicators from getting married. Rather you find the opposite: “But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion<\/em>” (I Corinthians 7:8-9). If this man refuses to marry you, then find someone who will.<\/p>\n Prophecy ended nearly 2,000 years ago when the Bible, the perfect law of liberty, was completed. “Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away<\/em>” (I Corinthians 13:8-10). God speaks to us today through that perfect law. The idea that God directly tells people what choices to make is false. God told you through the Scriptures how to pick a good spouse. You believe you have found such a person. Then go get married as God commanded and stop the sinning.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: I have had sex with the girl I proposed to marry. Now we are very close to our wedding. Her pastor became aware that we have had sex by virtue of her confession. She was told that I am not her husband and as such, can not get married since we slept together. Sir,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[1572,64],"class_list":["post-49282","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-fornication","tag-marriage"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":30722,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/we-prayed-together-and-made-vows-to-god-but-our-wedding-is-not-until-next-year-are-we-committing-fornication-as-we-have-sex\/","url_meta":{"origin":49282,"position":0},"title":"We prayed together and made vows to God, but our wedding is not until next year. Are we committing fornication as we have sex?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"November 23, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I would like to ask you a question: I have read\u00a0your responses\u00a0to other people. I\u00a0am in a relationship. Both of us are Christians and we love God. We prayed together and vowed to God about our lives for our marriage. We are preparing for our wedding next year. We\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":44548,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-a-shotgun-wedding-or-a-wedding-involving-a-lie-valid\/","url_meta":{"origin":49282,"position":1},"title":"Is a shotgun wedding or a wedding involving a lie valid?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 12, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: God bless brother. I have questions about marriage. If someone lies in order to get married does God acknowledges that marriage? A young man married a woman after three weeks of knowing each other. He has a severe ambivalent attachment disorder. She lied to him about her child from\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":41468,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-had-sex-before-with-a-different-woman-does-that-mean-im-committing-adultery-with-the-woman-i-am-with\/","url_meta":{"origin":49282,"position":2},"title":"I had sex before with a different woman. Does that mean I’m committing adultery with the woman I am with?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 4, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Please. Please, I have many things I have to ask. A woman took my virginity, but it was only for a night. I'm with a different woman now and have been with her for five years. Is that adultery? Answer: Fornication is when you have sex with someone you\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":32684,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/due-to-circumstances-we-never-had-sex-after-our-wedding-does-this-mean-we-are-not-married\/","url_meta":{"origin":49282,"position":3},"title":"Due to circumstances we never had sex after our wedding. Does this mean we are not married?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"April 27, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: After our wedding ceremony, we did not have had a chance to have sexual intercourse during our honeymoon due to some circumstances that could not be avoided. Also, we only had less than a week to be together during our honeymoon because he needed to go back home right\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":81514,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/if-we-get-married-will-the-sin-stop\/","url_meta":{"origin":49282,"position":4},"title":"If we get married, will the sin stop?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 11, 2024","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Do you really answer questions? I have something bothering me. Can you help me with it? I met a woman who has been divorced for a year. I intend to marry her, but the fact is that we have had sexual relations before marriage, and we are living together\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":22088,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-boyfriend-proposed-to-me-are-we-sinning-if-we-have-sex\/","url_meta":{"origin":49282,"position":5},"title":"My boyfriend proposed to me. Are we sinning if we have sex?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 7, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My boyfriend proposed to me. I'm not pregnant and I do love him. Does this make me a sinner, if we have sex? Answer: \"Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge\" (Hebrews 13:4). 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