I have just married a wonderful woman with two teenage boys who are out of control. They have not been spanked in years and I think it is time to re-institute that form of discipline into their life; at least until their behavior improves. My wife agrees to abide by your decision and recommendations, as do I.<\/p>\n\t
I do not know enough about the situation to able to give credible advice. What does “out of control” mean to you and your wife? What steps have been taken? Why, do you suppose, those steps have not worked?<\/p>\n
Spanking is one tool available to parents to mold the behavior of their children. It works best when used with a variety of methods. I generally recommend that it be reserved for cases of violence, extreme defiance, or situations where a good consequence to bad behavior doesn’t fit. It is not an instant fix; it is a deterrent to further bad behavior. As with all discipline, it needs to be used consistently and fairly.<\/p>\n
There is nothing in the Scriptures indicating that spanking is only reserved for small children. There is no reason to stop when a child gets older if the child deserves a spanking. Generally, a child who is well trained when younger will few if any spankings when he becomes a teenager (Proverbs 22:6). However, a child left to his own devices will go from bad to worse over time (Ecclesiastes 8:11). Correcting have bad behaviors are allowed to become habits is very difficult, but it can be done if a parent is willing to work at it with a long term objective in mind.<\/p>\n
The best thing to do is to work on one or two problems at a time. Select the biggest problem first, decide as a husband and wife team how to address the problem, and then implement the changes. When progress is seen, move on to the next pressing issue and work on that problem (without dropping the first). Over time you will begin to see major improvements.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Question: I have just married a wonderful woman with two teenage boys who are out of control. They have not been spanked in years and I think it is time to re-institute that form of discipline into their life; at least until their behavior improves. My wife agrees to abide by your decision and recommendations,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[106,29,107,108],"class_list":["post-4846","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-discipline","tag-parenting","tag-raising-children","tag-spanking"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1941,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/should-teachers-spank-children\/","url_meta":{"origin":4846,"position":0},"title":"Should teachers spank children?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"November 22, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I really think that discipline is necessary sometimes. I remember that even teachers used to spank. Do you think it is still a good system of discipline for today? Answer: \"Is there anything of which it may be said, \"See, this is new\"? It has already been in ancient\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":13965,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/are-bare-bottom-spankings-necessary\/","url_meta":{"origin":4846,"position":1},"title":"Are bare-bottom spankings necessary?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 24, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I'm glad I came across your website and read so many things from other dads of older boys. I'm a single dad of a 13-year-old boy. I've been needing to spank him for his improper attitude, but I have been very afraid to. Mostly because I'm uptight about male\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Adolescence"","block_context":{"text":"Adolescence","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/parenting\/adolescence\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3684,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-you-get-over-the-embarrassment-of-spanking-a-teenager\/","url_meta":{"origin":4846,"position":2},"title":"How do you get over the embarrassment of spanking a teenager?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 10, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I'm glad I came across your website and read so many things from other dads of older boys. I'm a single dad of a 13-year-old boy. I've been needing to spank him for his improper attitude, but I have been very afraid to. Mostly because I'm uptight about male\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":24614,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-does-a-parent-prepare-himself-for-the-need-to-punish\/","url_meta":{"origin":4846,"position":3},"title":"How does a parent prepare himself for the need to punish?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 23, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have read many of the answers you have given about spanking and while I disagree or am uncomfortable with using anything other than a hand for it, I have seen the positive effects of spanking being part of several punishment options for parents with my friends and their\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":6973,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-this-spanking-normal\/","url_meta":{"origin":4846,"position":4},"title":"Is this spanking normal?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 26, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: This afternoon I was at my girlfriend's house, and she has a 7-year-old son. He was not putting his toys away after he was done playing with them. My friend Gina asked him to please put his toys away, and he said \"no\" and back talked her. She grabbed\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":16981,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/should-a-30-year-old-man-ask-for-a-spanking\/","url_meta":{"origin":4846,"position":5},"title":"Should a 30-year-old man ask for a spanking?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 7, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I read your site with interest and as a Christian, I go to if often for advice. I wonder if you might be able to help me. 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