My boyfriend is thinking about moving abroad a few years from now.\u00a0 He wants me to come with him.\u00a0 I would have to find a job and start a new life because I don’t know anybody there.\u00a0 I would also want to live in separate apartments until we get married.\u00a0 He wants us to have a permanent home before getting married.\u00a0 I’m not sure I’d want us to start a life together by moving abroad with him without the commitment of marriage.\u00a0 He thinks I’m pushing for marriage and that marriage doesn’t guarantee anything.\u00a0 He’s also open to the possibility of getting married to a citizen for his residency and then marrying me.\u00a0 I’m not okay with that.<\/p>\n
Your advice, please?<\/p>\n\t
The reason your boyfriend is avoiding marriage is that he has the fantasy that he can arrange a marriage of convenience to get citizenship in another country. He can’t do that if he is already married. But what he is proposing is lying to a government to get around their rules.<\/p>\n
He probably doesn’t care, but he thinks he can divorce whoever he marries once he has citizenship and then marry you. Thus, before even meeting someone, he is already planning to end his marriage. His divorce will not be due to his wife’s unfaithfulness, but due to his own. “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery<\/em>” (Matthew 19:9). By God’s law, he would not be permitted a second marriage. If you did marry him, you would become guilty of adultery.<\/p>\n There is another statement that I find telling: he said that marriage doesn’t guarantee anything. He doesn’t see marriage as a commitment for life to you or any other woman. This is a man who plans to abandon any marriage that he finds inconvenient or difficult.<\/p>\n The accusation that you are pressuring him into getting married is an empty excuse. Does he say the same thing about his pressuring you into committing fornication with him? He claims it is pressure because he doesn’t want to marry you since that will interfere with his plans.<\/p>\n I don’t see this being a sound choice for a man you are considering to be your husband. If you really want to marry him, despite this warning, I would strongly recommend that you tell him that you will not be moving to another country with him unless you are married. The choice is then his, but if he goes through with his plan to marry someone to gain citizenship, make it clear that you will not be his second wife.<\/p>\n\t Thank you for your advice. He also wants to be close to God and live for Him, but I don’t think we’re on the same page in terms of what being Christian means. For him, there is no rush to marry because there are couples who wait 5-10 years before marrying. But we’re not like the other couples he refers to. We’re not having sex, although he’s not okay with it. He hasn’t pressured me, but if I change my mind, it would be back on the table. He thinks that if we’re already doing it, there was no point in stopping, and we can just ask for forgiveness each time. I told him it was hard to stop, but I felt I needed to do it to have a relationship with God. Also, wouldn’t his fake marriage be null and void since both parties knew they didn’t mean their vows? I’ve prayed about our relationship, but I don’t know what God is saying to me if anything.<\/p>\n\t Your boyfriend, by his own words, is a fake Christian. “What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?<\/em>” (Romans 6:1-2). He thinks there is nothing wrong with fornication because “everyone else is doing it,” and he wants to be doing it too. And as we discussed before, he plans on committing adultery.<\/p>\n Let’s see, American rules for a fraudulent marriage contain this penalty: “Any individual who knowingly enters into a marriage for the purpose of evading any provision of the immigration laws shall be imprisoned for not more than 5 years, or fined not more than $250,000, or both” [Immigration and Nationality Act \u00a7 275(c); 8 U.S. Code \u00a7 1325(c)]. Afterward, they are deported and never allowed back into the country.<\/p>\n And then there are God’s laws: “Walk prudently when you go to the house of God; and draw near to hear rather than to give the sacrifice of fools, for they do not know that they do evil. Do not be rash with your mouth, And let not your heart utter anything hastily before God. For God is in heaven, and you on earth; Therefore let your words be few.<\/em>\u00a0…\u00a0When you make a vow to God, do not delay to pay it; For He has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you have vowed – Better not to vow than to vow and not pay<\/em>” (Ecclesiastes 5:1-2, 4-5). A marriage vow is before God. To take a vow and then claim you never meant it is a clear way to get God angry at you. Thus, no, his marriage vows would\u00a0not\u00a0<\/em>be null and void because he later claimed he didn’t mean it.<\/p>\n The more you describe him, the worse he sounds. Find a real Christian man to marry.<\/p>\n\t That’s a lot to think about. Thank you very much for your insight. God bless you.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: My boyfriend is thinking about moving abroad a few years from now.\u00a0 He wants me to come with him.\u00a0 I would have to find a job and start a new life because I don’t know anybody there.\u00a0 I would also want to live in separate apartments until we get married.\u00a0 He wants us to…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[1711,149,655],"class_list":["post-46934","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-cohabitation","tag-dating","tag-living-together"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3066,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/are-all-marriages-spiritually-binding\/","url_meta":{"origin":46934,"position":0},"title":"Are all marriages spiritually binding?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 11, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, I attend a church of Christ, and my boyfriend of several years was baptized about a few years ago. We broke up last year for several months due to some differences but have since decided to be back together. My boyfriend is in the military and during the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":39870,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/ive-been-living-with-a-man-while-my-divorce-was-going-through-but-now-he-is-reluctant-to-marry-me\/","url_meta":{"origin":46934,"position":1},"title":"I’ve been living with a man while my divorce was going through, but now he is reluctant to marry me","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"August 12, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hi, We have lived together for 7 years. We probably would've been married long ago, but I was going through a divorce for 6 of those years, and hospitalized due to medical illnesses for about a year or something like that, on and off. We are utterly and completely\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":22798,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-boyfriend-doesnt-want-to-get-married-but-he-doesnt-want-me-to-leave-either\/","url_meta":{"origin":46934,"position":2},"title":"My boyfriend doesn’t want to get married, but he doesn’t want me to leave either","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 25, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have two children with my boyfriend, and I'm trying to follow God's plan. I want to get married and he doesn't. He also doesn't want me to leave with our children. What should I do? Answer: Following God's plan doesn't include living with a man and having children\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":36361,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-boyfriend-texted-me-to-end-our-engagement-on-christmas-day\/","url_meta":{"origin":46934,"position":3},"title":"My boyfriend texted me to end our engagement on Christmas day","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 6, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Good day, My ex and I recently broke up. He ended it through text on Christmas day. He said things were not working out, even after I sacrificed to move down by him and live in his rented apartment. He was supposed to move out but said he will\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":19654,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/what-do-i-do-my-boyfriend-doesnt-want-to-get-married-and-i-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":46934,"position":4},"title":"What do I do? My boyfriend doesn’t want to get married and I do","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 29, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My boyfriend and I live together. We've been living together for two years. He doesn't want to get married. I do. Also, I am Christian, he is agnostic. I have tried to talk to him about God, but he wants proof. I don't know what to do. When we\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":39743,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/if-we-straighten-out-ending-our-past-marriages-would-we-still-be-in-adultery\/","url_meta":{"origin":46934,"position":5},"title":"If we straighten out ending our past marriages, would we still be in adultery?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 17, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have seen you talking about adultery on a website answering questions. I myself have the same issue. I'm living with my boyfriend of\u00a0five years, and we have a child together. 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