{"id":46622,"date":"2015-12-04T18:58:00","date_gmt":"2015-12-05T00:58:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/?p=46622"},"modified":"2022-04-21T19:01:32","modified_gmt":"2022-04-22T00:01:32","slug":"i-dont-think-i-can-wait-to-get-married","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-dont-think-i-can-wait-to-get-married\/","title":{"rendered":"I don&#8217;t think I can wait to get married"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\t<h2>Question:<\/h2>\n<p>My boyfriend and I have been dating for more than three years. Purity is draining me and I&#8217;ve suggested we get married as soon as possible. You said this\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/should-we-marry-now-or-when-we-are-in-a-better-financial-situation\/\">in an answer to a question<\/a>:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>&#8220;One of the interesting things I&#8217;ve learned in life is that if you look at the hard numbers, no one really can afford to marry or have children. Yet with every marriage and every child, couples find ways to make what seems impossible on paper to work in reality. Much depends on your motivation&#8221;.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>In our case I find it impossible to get married 6 months to a year from now for the following reasons:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Neither of us has a job, so there is no source of income to either save up for the wedding or rent and decorate our place.<\/li>\n<li>His parents, who live very far from us, are paying his costly tuition, and once he graduates might not be able to afford to come.<\/li>\n<li>My boyfriend has suggested we wait a year and a half longer, so he can save up to pay for both the wedding and the expenses of his parents and siblings to attend the wedding.<\/li>\n<li>I plan on pitching in once I have a job as well. But in all honesty, I highly doubt we&#8217;ll be able to accomplish this in a year and a half and I no longer want to wait!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>The main problem: my family is where we live but he isn&#8217;t. I believe it would be ideal for both families to attend such a celebration but our situation is so complicated. I don&#8217;t want to fall, but I&#8217;m exhausted. What to do if one set of parents and siblings can&#8217;t afford to attend? How do we survive when there&#8217;s no income? Where do we go from here?<\/p>\n\t<h2>Answer:<\/h2>\n<p>When my wife and I married, we lived in an area far from both of our parents. Since her parents were not financially able to travel, we chose to have the wedding near them. My parents love to travel, so it wasn&#8217;t a bother for them. It wasn&#8217;t convenient for us. Some things were difficult to arrange, but it was worth it to us to be able to have her folks there. If you want to have both sets of parents there, talk to both about where to have the wedding that makes it doable for both families.<\/p>\n<p>The thing about weddings is that you invite those you wish to be there. Give them time to make plans, but whether they come is up to them. It is not your responsibility to pay for people to attend your wedding. This is an example where you have added unnecessary costs to your wedding plans, making the price tag so high that you think you can&#8217;t afford to get married. The reality is that these things are extras that are not required for a marriage.<\/p>\n<p>The lack of income is something within your control. You don&#8217;t have to wait until you graduate from college to get a job. The fact that you are at a marriageable age and are completely dependent on someone else for all your expenses is not good anyway. Get jobs and figure out if you can live cheaply on your own with your combined salaries. Likely you&#8217;ll have to do without a lot of frills, but you&#8217;re young. Put your energy to productive use.<\/p>\n<p>It doesn&#8217;t take a year to save up for a wedding if you are willing to be innovative. In\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/should-we-marry-now-or-when-we-are-in-a-better-financial-situation\/\">Should we marry now or when we are in a better financial situation?<\/a>\u00a0I used the example of my own wedding to show how we managed to pull off a wedding and honeymoon for less than $500 &#8212; true, it was several decades ago, but there hasn&#8217;t been that much inflation. Most people overspend because they think it is expected. At a bare minimum, you can get married at the county courthouse for under $100 in most places. You can elaborate from there, deciding what you really want to pay for, what you can do without, and what you can substitute with inexpensive alternatives.<\/p>\n<p>Meanwhile, set a date for the wedding. It is easier to resist temptation when you know the end date. Holding off with no end in sight is harder. But if this is still too hard to resist, the ultimate fall-back plan is that you can get married at a county courthouse and then have a fancy wedding later for your family and friends. I&#8217;ve done several weddings where the couple did this rather than sin before God.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Question: My boyfriend and I have been dating for more than three years. Purity is draining me and I&#8217;ve suggested we get married as soon as possible. You said this\u00a0in an answer to a question: &#8220;One of the interesting things I&#8217;ve learned in life is that if you look at the hard numbers, no one&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[1572,64],"class_list":["post-46622","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-fornication","tag-marriage"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":49384,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-boyfriend-doesnt-want-to-get-married\/","url_meta":{"origin":46622,"position":0},"title":"My boyfriend doesn&#8217;t want to get married","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 31, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hey My boyfriend and I are in a relationship for almost five years. We had sex in the first year of the relationship but then decided to wait until we were married to have sex. We got baptized and went without sex for over two years then we had\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Answer&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":49580,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/are-we-married-when-he-never-divorced-his-wife\/","url_meta":{"origin":46622,"position":1},"title":"Are we married when he never divorced his wife?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 6, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hi, I have a question. My boyfriend and I were in love, we loved God and wanted to be married, but he was married before. He married this woman, she cheated on him, he wanted a divorce but could not find her. They had been separated for seven years,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Answer&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":42850,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/we-know-that-sex-before-marriage-is-wrong-but-we-arent-able-to-abstain-and-we-cant-get-married\/","url_meta":{"origin":46622,"position":2},"title":"We know that sex before marriage is wrong, but we aren&#8217;t able to abstain and we can&#8217;t get married","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 8, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, I am a girl who is in love with this boy. We have a child together. It has been shown to us and we now know that it's wrong to have sex before marriage. We feel guilty every time we do it. We have tried so many times\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Answer&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":45382,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/if-we-get-married-in-a-church-does-it-mean-we-are-not-married-until-we-get-married-again-civilly\/","url_meta":{"origin":46622,"position":3},"title":"If we get married in a church, does it mean we are not married until we get married again civilly?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 28, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, I'm from a different country than my boyfriend I will marry my boyfriend later this year. We are getting married with a fiance visa, but seems like the civil wedding has to be in his country first, so we are just going to get married in my country\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Answer&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":21600,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/do-you-know-someone-who-will-marry-us-without-a-state-marriage-license\/","url_meta":{"origin":46622,"position":4},"title":"Do you know someone who will marry us without a state marriage license?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 7, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I would like to get married without the state's license and with a preacher, of course. Could you please help me find a preacher that would marry in my state?\u00a0 I would also like to obtain more information on this subject.\u00a0 Could I get some more information on how\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Answer&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":39743,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/if-we-straighten-out-ending-our-past-marriages-would-we-still-be-in-adultery\/","url_meta":{"origin":46622,"position":5},"title":"If we straighten out ending our past marriages, would we still be in adultery?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 17, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have seen you talking about adultery on a website answering questions. I myself have the same issue. I'm living with my boyfriend of\u00a0five years, and we have a child together. He is married to another woman, but they have been separated for ten years and he has not\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Answer&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46622","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=46622"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46622\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=46622"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=46622"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=46622"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}