one of your answers<\/a> to a guy who had trouble coming to terms with the fact that his girlfriend is not a virgin. The truth is I have the exact same problem only this time she is not my girlfriend yet, but I am a virgin. I met this girl four years ago, but we were just friends. In those four years, I started to like her and now I love her. I have not asked her to be my girlfriend yet, but we are very close. She had sex with the previous boyfriend and that is really eating me considering I have been saving myself. She really likes me and it’s mutual.<\/p>\nWhat do I do? It makes me angry and very temperamental when I remember that someone else has been there.<\/p>\n
Please help.<\/p>\n\t
Answer:<\/h2>\n
A lot ought to depend on how this woman looks at what happened and not your attitude toward the event. Let me illustrate it in the extreme. If she had been raped, would you still hold the fact that she is not a virgin against her? I would hope the answer would be no. You would see that in the case of rape, she had no control and that she was totally against what happened. It would not matter that she is no longer a virgin.<\/p>\n
I would assume that she willingly had sex with her former boyfriend. The important question doesn’t revolve around the sin that was done, but what is her current attitude toward that sin. If she repented of the fact that she committed fornication and is totally against it, then she has the right attitude for a Christian. If God can forgive her of her sins, a Christian cannot offer her anything less.<\/p>\n
If she doesn’t see her past behavior as wrong, then that would be a strong warning sign that she would not make a good wife for someone trying to live faithfully by God’s laws. Of course, there are always people who say they have changed and have not, so if you think she has changed and decide to date her, be watchful that she doesn’t try to seduce you. If she does, then actions speak louder than words and again you know that she really hasn’t changed.<\/p>\n
My hope is that she has radically changed from the person she used to be. Don’t ask for details about what happened. It is the past, leave it buried under your forgiveness. “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins<\/em>” (Proverbs 10:12).<\/p>\nMarriage is about what you give to your partner, not about what you are getting. You saved yourself for the one woman whom you love and will marry. That is an immense gift that you and she can both enjoy, so take satisfaction in that fact. Stop being prideful and focusing on what you are taking — focus on what you are joyfully giving.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Question: Hi, I saw\u00a0one of your answers to a guy who had trouble coming to terms with the fact that his girlfriend is not a virgin. The truth is I have the exact same problem only this time she is not my girlfriend yet, but I am a virgin. I met this girl four years…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[149,789],"class_list":["post-44588","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-dating","tag-virginity"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":37421,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-it-wrong-to-marry-a-non-virgin-woman\/","url_meta":{"origin":44588,"position":0},"title":"Is it wrong to marry a non-virgin woman?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"August 25, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My girlfriend is in her mid-twenties. She has a very good heart and she is very beautiful both inside and out. She lost her mother at the age of 8 and was brought up by her grandparents. She had two previous affairs before me. Both of the affairs ended\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":42108,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/ive-had-oral-sex-with-several-girls-but-im-thinking-of-breaking-up-with-my-girlfriend-because-she-is-not-a-virgin\/","url_meta":{"origin":44588,"position":1},"title":"I’ve had oral sex with several girls, but I’m thinking of breaking up with my girlfriend because she is not a virgin","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 11, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My girlfriend is not a virgin. I'm a virgin but had oral sex with eight girls. Should I leave her? I need a Christian point of view on this unique situation. My girlfriend is 18 and I am 17. She repented and regretted having intercourse with her ex-boyfriend and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":33430,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/should-i-tell-my-girlfriend-that-i-cheated-on-her\/","url_meta":{"origin":44588,"position":2},"title":"Should I tell my girlfriend that I cheated on her?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 19, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I and my girlfriend have been in a distant relationship for over two years. We've decided to marry after her graduation. I never had any intention of cheating on her before. But recently I had to be with a girl for academic purposes. I spent hours in her home\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":46700,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/im-depressed-that-my-girlfriend-isnt-a-virgin\/","url_meta":{"origin":44588,"position":3},"title":"I’m depressed that my girlfriend isn’t a virgin","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 14, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, I am 21. I am not very sensitive. I can easily overcome any bad time, but these days something very bad happened to me -- actually, I don't know if it is bad, or if I'm making it worse. Starting with me: I like girls and I always\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":34515,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-lied-to-my-girlfriend-about-being-a-virgin-and-it-has-been-bothering-me-what-do-i-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":44588,"position":4},"title":"I lied to my girlfriend about being a virgin and it has been bothering me. What do I do?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"August 27, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I have something that's been bothering me lately, and I have to get it out somewhere. I started dating this girl four years ago for two years. While we were dating we were completely in love and agreed that we wouldn't have sex until marriage. After we broke up\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":36036,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-just-found-out-my-girlfriend-lied-about-being-a-virgin-i-forgave-her-but-i-find-it-difficult-to-forget\/","url_meta":{"origin":44588,"position":5},"title":"I just found out my girlfriend lied about being a virgin. I forgave her, but I find it difficult to forget","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 5, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I am a 22-year-old guy and have been dating a lady for the past two years. Two days ago she notified me that she lost her virginity three years ago. To me, this came as a deep shock in that I had trusted her and had asked her if\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44588","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=44588"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44588\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=44588"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=44588"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=44588"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}