{"id":44407,"date":"2015-01-27T21:13:00","date_gmt":"2015-01-28T03:13:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/?p=44407"},"modified":"2022-03-07T21:16:53","modified_gmt":"2022-03-08T03:16:53","slug":"i-recently-discovered-that-my-daughter-is-sexting-with-a-boy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-recently-discovered-that-my-daughter-is-sexting-with-a-boy\/","title":{"rendered":"I recently discovered that my daughter is sexting with a boy"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\t

Question:<\/h2>\n

I am a Christian. I just found out that my daughter, who is also a Christian and almost 19 years old, is sexting.\u00a0 I found very sexually explicit emails between her and a boy who is supposed to be a Christian as well.<\/p>\n

This happened a couple of years ago and the boy’s parents found out about it.\u00a0 She confessed it to me and said she had repented of it.\u00a0 She and the boy broke up, but now they are back together (although she only tells her dad and me that they are “just friends”.)<\/p>\n

I found out all of this by reading her emails.\u00a0 My question is this:\u00a0 As a Christian should I tell her dad and then he and I sit her down and confront her with this?\u00a0 And, since we can’t trust her to not find another avenue (other than her email) of doing this, should we take away her devices or change the password and only let her be online in a “public” area of the house when we can monitor it?<\/p>\n\t

Answer:<\/h2>\n

I thought about this for a while and discarded several answers. The difficulty is very similar to dealing with an older teen who is into pornography. While limits can be placed, the problem is that a determined person can get around them. When I talk to teenage boys about pornography, I tell them upfront that neither I nor their parents can make them not sin. I can encourage them not to sin, I can show them ways to avoid sinning, but I can’t keep them from pornography if they are determined. What we then do is discuss why pornography is wrong, the damage it can do, and why it is so alluring.<\/p>\n

I see the same difficulty with your daughter. Any limits you place can be worked around if she is determined to do so. Email accounts can be changed. Access can be gained on library computers and other places. The focus ends up on physical access, but the true problem is a spiritual one.<\/p>\n

The second problem is that there are two involved in this sin. Addressing one without the other person will leave one seducing the other into returning to sin, which is what it sounds like happened.<\/p>\n

Yes, your husband needs to be told what you discovered and both of you need to talk to her about it. But I would like you to not approach it as laying down the law upon her. “And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will<\/em>” (II Timothy 2:24-26). Your daughter doesn’t realize or appreciate the depth of the trap she has fallen into. Clearly, she knows it is wrong, after all, she is hiding the extent of the relationship. But there are some questions that need to be explored:<\/p>\n