Hi Jeff,<\/p>\n
I just wanted to ask you a question: Is it wrong to want emotional intimacy from someone? Our mindsets are to be about giving to others, so is it considered selfish or self-serving if you want to hear this person’s thoughts and feelings, or their perspective on life? You want to listen to everything they have to say, which is emotional intimacy. Is that self-gratifying?<\/p>\n\t
“O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the cliff, let me see your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely<\/em>” (Song of Solomon 2:14).<\/p>\n
“You who dwell in the gardens, the companions listen for your voice — let me hear it!<\/em>” (Song of Solomon 8:13).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
You are describing friendship; yet, you turn it on its head and make it into something wrong. How is it that wanting to listen to what someone else thinks is an act of selfishness? “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath<\/em>” (James 1:19). We are commanded to put the interests of other people ahead of our own. “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others<\/em>” (Philippians 2:3-4). Taking interest in another person is the opposite of selfishness.<\/p>\n
Just because you enjoy doing something, it doesn’t make it wrong. Doing good brings its own pleasure. “But let the righteous be glad; let them rejoice before God; yes, let them rejoice exceedingly<\/em>” (Psalms 68:3).<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Question: Hi Jeff, I just wanted to ask you a question: Is it wrong to want emotional intimacy from someone? Our mindsets are to be about giving to others, so is it considered selfish or self-serving if you want to hear this person’s thoughts and feelings, or their perspective on life? You want to listen…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[579],"class_list":["post-43223","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-friendship"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":26561,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/what-boys-girls-and-their-parents-need-to-know\/","url_meta":{"origin":43223,"position":0},"title":"What Boys, Girls, and Their Parents Need To Know","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 23, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"by Wendi Capehart The following is adapted from an old post the good blogger at Wit-nit wrote. He wished to illustrate just how heady and disorienting a brew lust can be, how dangerous in the hands of the immature, but he is not a believer and he wrote an R-rated\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Adolescence"","block_context":{"text":"Adolescence","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/parenting\/adolescence\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":9903,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/what-can-we-do-to-maintain-intimacy-in-the-bedroom-without-sinning-since-we-are-not-married\/","url_meta":{"origin":43223,"position":1},"title":"What can we do to maintain intimacy in the bedroom without sinning since we are not married?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 24, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and two months and we've been having sex for quite some time.\u00a0 We recently had a talk the other night about whether or not having sex was wrong before marriage, and we were wondering since it's approved for\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":9726,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-romantic-love-a-duty-or-an-emotional-thing\/","url_meta":{"origin":43223,"position":2},"title":"Is romantic love a duty or an emotional thing?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 12, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I would like to ask if the romantic kind of love is an emotional thing or a duty. Thank you. Answer: It is not an either on or the other, it is both a duty and emotional. Romantic love is something married couples are bound by duty to give\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":66885,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/marital-needs\/","url_meta":{"origin":43223,"position":3},"title":"Marital Needs","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 3, 2024","format":false,"excerpt":"by Perry Hall In premarital counseling, I always ask what the number one need of a man fulfilled in marriage is, and what the number one need of a woman fulfilled in marriage is. Even when these couples are not religious, their own self-awareness teaches them the correct answer. When\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Article"","block_context":{"text":"Article","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/article\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":31604,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-can-i-get-intimacy-with-god-back-after-sinning\/","url_meta":{"origin":43223,"position":4},"title":"How can I get intimacy with God back after sinning?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 3, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I struggle with the belief that I can't be intimate with the Lord after sinning. I know that God forgives, but I struggle with believing that I can't be intimate with Him again. An example would be there are two friends named Bob and Steve. Bob and Steve are\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":36784,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/what-intimacies-are-allowed-or-not-allowed-to-engaged-couples\/","url_meta":{"origin":43223,"position":5},"title":"What intimacies are allowed or not allowed to engaged couples?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 27, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My girlfriend and I are very grateful to the Lord for the love and gift we are to each other. We love the Lord and want to honor Him and His law for us as an unmarried but betrothed couple. We are committed to saving sex for marriage. 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