To begin, I am in my forties and have been divorced (due to adultery by my husband) for over five years. I was dating a man a few years older than myself with a similar background. We dated for nine months and he ended things with me because<\/p>\n
I can’t put into words the shock and disappointment. \u00a0I have not been a Christian as long as this gentleman has and I am the first to admit to being a lazy Christian in that I hadn’t spent much time in the Bible (I was raised Catholic and practiced many years so I certainly know some Scripture but had read recently in fits and starts). What I find painful is that rather than asking me to pray with him, or read the Bible with him (things that hadn’t occurred to me to share with him because I hadn’t been in a relationship with a devote Christian and some old conservative Catholic habits remain in my introverted personality), he spent all these months judging me rather than guiding me or investing in me. \u00a0Why tell me that he loves me when that is not a remote possibility when it is tied to an unshared or unfulfilled requirement? \u00a0I just have a hard time resolving how someone that claims to be Christian (and is guilty of sin as we all are) would choose to handle the situation like that. \u00a0I don’t have an issue with people having deal-breakers at all, but when someone has been a Christian for over 15 years it seems to me that the things they “require” would be flushed out in the first date, not nine months later.<\/p>\n
I have forgiven him and told him as much but that does nothing to resolve the hurt and confusion. Based on everything else in the relationship, I had no reason to believe that we weren’t headed toward marriage. Am I wrong to assume if there was a spiritual concern or divide that it is up to the person that sees it to reach out, counsel, and guide?<\/p>\n\t
One of the things I tell people in regards to dating is to look at a person for who they are and not who you think they might become. The problem is that during dating a person puts his or her “best foot forward.” If this is a person’s best, then likely this is how the person will be in the future, or possibly worse. People do change, but the change has to come from the person. It can’t be externally caused and be expected to remain.<\/p>\n
One difficulty when trying to help someone be a better Christian while you are dating him or her at the same time is that you don’t know if the person is changing to impress you or if it is because he or she wants to change.<\/p>\n
All I see is that this man appears to have given the relationship an honest attempt. I know you feel shocked to learn that he has criteria for a wife that you did not know about. You’re incorrect in implying that it was wrong for him to make a judgment because that is what dating is all about — deciding (which is a judgment) whether the person you are seeing is the type of person you want to have by your side for the rest of your life. His decision was an honest look at who you are.<\/p>\n
If you want to become a strong, devoted Christian, then by all means become one. I would encourage you to devote yourself to Christ, but do it because this is what you understand you need to do for yourself and for your God.<\/p>\n
“Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure<\/em>” (Philippians 2:12-13).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Question: To begin, I am in my forties and have been divorced (due to adultery by my husband) for over five years. I was dating a man a few years older than myself with a similar background. We dated for nine months and he ended things with me because he needed to be with an…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[149],"class_list":["post-41741","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-dating"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":33341,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-parents-are-against-my-dating-a-man-even-though-he-has-now-become-a-christian-what-do-i-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":41741,"position":0},"title":"My parents are against my dating a man, even though he has now become a Christian. What do I do?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 21, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hi! I'm in my early twenties, and I grew up in a Christian home. I met my boyfriend when he was not a Christian because we work in the same place. He was divorced about ten years ago. Until then, my parents, who are strong Christians, told me they\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":48059,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/why-cant-i-marry-my-catholic-boyfriend\/","url_meta":{"origin":41741,"position":1},"title":"Why can’t I marry my Catholic boyfriend?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 1, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: God bless you, Well, I have an issue in my life. My parents and I were introduced to Christianity a few years ago. My dad already had a background in it since his childhood, so he connected and loved it right away. My mom and I didn't feel it\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":62241,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/should-a-new-christian-go-to-a-bible-school\/","url_meta":{"origin":41741,"position":2},"title":"Should a new Christian go to a Bible school?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"August 18, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: The church recently received a new convert. I do follow-up studies with him after services. I introduced him to the idea of attending a Bible school, which he indicated interest in attending. But I\u00a0 read through your article on preachers, especially his qualification. You pointed out how dicey Bible\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":57694,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/should-i-marry-my-fiance-who-is-not-a-practicing-christian\/","url_meta":{"origin":41741,"position":3},"title":"Should I marry my fiance, who is not a practicing Christian?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 6, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Should I marry my fianc\u00e9? My fianc\u00e9 and I have been dating for 7 years. I was 17 when I met him and living a worldly life (partying, drinking, smoking, cursing) I entered my relationship with my current fianc\u00e9 because he answered this question: \"Are you Christian?\" and his\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":34936,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-parents-dont-like-the-guy-im-dating-and-i-dont-know-what-to-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":41741,"position":4},"title":"My parents don’t like the guy I’m dating and I don’t know what to do","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 25, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hi, I have a problem with my parents not being supportive when it comes to my relationships. They want to choose for me whom I date even if I hate the person. They don't consider my feelings at all. I had to date one guy whom I will name\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":15925,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-can-i-get-my-non-christian-husband-interested-in-the-church\/","url_meta":{"origin":41741,"position":5},"title":"How can I get my non-Christian husband interested in the church?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 27, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: First, I want to say I really enjoy this web site. I am a sister in Christ and have been most of my life. I happened to marry a non-Christian man. I would like to say to any of the sisters, or brothers, out there that are searching for\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41741","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=41741"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41741\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=41741"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=41741"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=41741"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}