Hi,<\/p>\n
I just came across this site. It seems very helpful, but I need some answers myself. I am really struggling. I have been through a recent breakup because the guy was always breaking up with me and then coming back wanting everything to be fine. In trying times in our relationship, he would just break up with me and get angry at me. It came to a point where I ended it, but I feel regret as I miss him and I am thinking of calling him. He doesn’t treat me right at times, but I feel my love is so strong for him. It seems not right that I would want someone who is not treating me right. But I am emotionally drained, I’m hurting. I do want him back, even though I know what he is doing is wrong.<\/p>\n
I need advice on how to get through this with godly wisdom and strength. Awaiting your response.<\/p>\n\t
You’ve gotten yourself into an abusive situation. Because his bad behavior isn’t constant and most of the time he is really nice to you, you are tempted to overlook the times he is bad. You are probably telling yourself that if you just hang in with him just a bit longer then you’ll be able to turn him into the really nice person you’ve always seen in him.<\/p>\n
It is a gambler’s fallacy. A gambler will keep sinking money into losing bets because every once in a while the gambler wins. All the losses are ignored because there was a win — even if the win doesn’t come close to making up for all the losses. Even when the losses are severe, the gambler is convinced that his luck has to change because bad luck can’t stay around forever.<\/p>\n
The flaw in a gambler’s reasoning is that he is thinking each loss is somehow connected — they aren’t. Gamblers lose because the games are designed with odds strongly against the gambler.<\/p>\n
In the same way, an abuse victim is convinced that the abuser has to change instead of seeing the person as who he is. Yes, people do change — but not because they are made to change. They have to decide to change.<\/p>\n
You have to look at this man for who he is, not who you imagine he might become. Since he isn’t a good man now, then you don’t need him in your life. If he ever does change, which isn’t likely, then you can reconsider the situation if you happen to be still looking for a husband at that time. He would have to show evidence that he really has changed before you accept him as a potential candidate for a husband.<\/p>\n
You deserve a good man in your life, not a broken man.<\/p>\n\t
Thank you, sir. I think really need to step up and face my fears.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Question: Hi, I just came across this site. It seems very helpful, but I need some answers myself. I am really struggling. I have been through a recent breakup because the guy was always breaking up with me and then coming back wanting everything to be fine. In trying times in our relationship, he would…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[1105,149],"class_list":["post-39864","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-abuse","tag-dating"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":32391,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-boyfriend-and-i-keep-breaking-up-because-of-sexual-sins-should-i-move-on-or-try-to-make-this-work\/","url_meta":{"origin":39864,"position":0},"title":"My boyfriend and I keep breaking up because of sexual sins. Should I move on or try to make this work?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"April 1, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I would first like to start that I enjoy reading your comments and tackling difficult questions that many people are afraid to address. My question is regarding my current relationship. My partner and I are both Christians and we have been together for less than a year. It has\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":34153,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/do-i-let-go-of-my-failing-marriage\/","url_meta":{"origin":39864,"position":1},"title":"Do I let go of my failing marriage?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"April 15, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I'm sorry this is a bit long. My husband has cheated on me several times in our marriage. Each time, he would convince me he would change, and he would for a few years, but then it would happen again and again. I would take him back and just\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":39540,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-much-confidence-do-i-need-in-god\/","url_meta":{"origin":39864,"position":2},"title":"How much confidence do I need in God?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"November 15, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Mr. Hamilton I have another question I'd like to ask concerning some scripture I've been recently pondering and trying to understand. \"But with whom was He grieved forty years? Was it not with them that had sinned, whose carcasses fell in the wilderness? And to whom sware He that\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":21371,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/im-pregnant-the-stress-is-getting-to-me-i-dont-know-what-to-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":39864,"position":3},"title":"I’m pregnant. The stress is getting to me. I don’t know what to do","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 21, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I know I'm making a habit out of writing to you when life gets to me, but I know your advice helps so I do. I seem to get myself in situations that are always hurtful to me. I know I told you when\u00a0I last wrote\u00a0that I wouldn't know\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":39304,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-threw-out-the-man-i-lived-with-after-12-years-so-why-doesnt-god-make-him-marry-me\/","url_meta":{"origin":39864,"position":4},"title":"I threw out the man I lived with after 12 years. So why doesn’t God make him marry me?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 13, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I was in a 12-year relationship with a man, who first of all, I now realize that we started off wrong. He had gotten a girl pregnant when I met him. His excuse was \"I don't have a girlfriend, but I'm in a situation.\" He was upfront and explained\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":19500,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/what-is-it-that-i-am-missing\/","url_meta":{"origin":39864,"position":5},"title":"What is it that I am missing?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 20, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: God truly does work in mysterious ways! My seventeen-year-old daughter came to me a few minutes ago as I was finishing up the kitchen for the night and told me that she had received counseling from a minister online and how great the advice given to her was.\u00a0 Seeing\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39864","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=39864"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39864\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=39864"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=39864"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=39864"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}