My girlfriend and I committed fornication. I want to change our lifestyle long before, but both of us can’t successfully do it. We did it for almost a year, but then we were tempted. I love her, but both of us are too weak to stay away from sex. Do I need to break up with her and start a new life or start a pure life together? Is it possible to have no sex at all until marriage?<\/p>\n\t
Is it possible to not have sex until you are married? Of course. Innumerable people before you have managed to do so. Actually, if you think about the action involved instead of your feelings at the moment, you should realize that it takes more effort to commit fornication than to not commit it. To commit fornication, you have to get each other aroused, take off clothing, and engage in sex. To not have fornication, you don’t have to do anything. Yet, it appears to be the other way around simply because you are allowing your instincts to control you.<\/p>\n
For a man and woman to stay away from sex, it requires both to be committed to not tempting the other person with sex and not arousing sexual passion in the other person. More people fail because they decide they are not going to have intercourse, but they allow themselves to do everything that leads up to intercourse. Yet sex is not the final step; it is all the steps up to and including the final step. Once the path is taken the body is pre-programmed to finish. It takes great effort to interrupt the natural sequence and there is where you feel you cannot control yourself.<\/p>\n
However, the real problem is the point at which you are trying to exert control. If you want to manage your diet. You don’t do it by saying “I am going to chew, but then spit out the food without swallowing.” That a matter of when you are going to swallow, not if you are going to swallow. It is no different with sex. If you don’t start sexually arousing each other, control isn’t that hard. Once you are naked and lying on top of each other, control is nearly impossible.<\/p>\n
What should you do? That is up to you and her. If you intend to marry her, breaking up is not going to lead to marriage. If one of you decides to give up sex, either the other will push you into sex or will leave you for not giving what they want. The only way this will work is if you are both committed to not having sex, to the point of not arousing each other and not allowing yourselves to be put into tempting situations, such as being alone with her in a house.<\/p>\n
The easiest solution is to simply go ahead and get married. “But if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion<\/em>” (I Corinthians 7:9). Yet, it is here that people have a long list of reasons why they can’t marry. They excuse having sex, risking having children, but somehow the same situation doesn’t allow for committing to each other for a lifetime in a covenant. People are oddly inconsistent that way.<\/p>\n If you have no intentions of marrying this girl, then it is best to break up. But realize this, doing so means you have been using this girl for your sexual gratification. You will be admitting that you are a person who doesn’t care about the person he has sex with and what you call “love” is nothing more than orgasm.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: My girlfriend and I committed fornication. I want to change our lifestyle long before, but both of us can’t successfully do it. We did it for almost a year, but then we were tempted. I love her, but both of us are too weak to stay away from sex. Do I need to break…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[1572],"class_list":["post-39298","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-fornication"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":40775,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-can-we-not-commit-fornication-again-before-our-wedding\/","url_meta":{"origin":39298,"position":0},"title":"How can we not commit fornication again before our wedding?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 29, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My fianc\u00e9 and I had sex even when we agreed not to, though all necessary plans to get married are on the ground. But I feel so guilty and alone. Forgiveness is what I need from God to face life again. Actually, we had decided not to have sex\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":40300,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/what-is-the-difference-between-adultery-and-fornication\/","url_meta":{"origin":39298,"position":1},"title":"What is the difference between adultery and fornication?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 17, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I was just wondering: I think that if someone sleeps with a married person but they are not married, they now to are committing adultery?\u00a0 And if that person, who was not married, sleeps with someone else later in life, who is not married, does that new person commit\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":68032,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-child-molestation-a-form-of-fornication\/","url_meta":{"origin":39298,"position":2},"title":"Is child molestation a form of fornication?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 12, 2024","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Is child sexual molestation a form of adultery or fornication since they both consist of sexual activity outside of marriage?\u00a0I am just wondering if child molestation falls under adultery or fornication since they both consist of sexual activity outside of marriage. Why is it that people see a boyfriend\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":89588,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/do-you-have-material-on-restoring-young-people-who-had-committed-fornication\/","url_meta":{"origin":39298,"position":3},"title":"Do you have material on restoring young people who had committed fornication?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"August 20, 2025","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Good day, I am looking for resources to restore young people who have fallen into the sin of fornication. Do you have any lessons? Do you know of any books or pages? Thanks a lot! Answer: There is a ton of material on the topic of fornication on this\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":46588,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/does-fornication-not-include-sex-before-marriage\/","url_meta":{"origin":39298,"position":4},"title":"Does fornication not include sex before marriage?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"November 30, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I would like to address a post on your site:\u00a0Does God forgive Christians who commit fornication and sexual immorality? Your reply to this woman is typical of every misguided Christian when it comes to the question of \"fornication.\" You brought down the hammer on this girl quoting from I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":30722,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/we-prayed-together-and-made-vows-to-god-but-our-wedding-is-not-until-next-year-are-we-committing-fornication-as-we-have-sex\/","url_meta":{"origin":39298,"position":5},"title":"We prayed together and made vows to God, but our wedding is not until next year. Are we committing fornication as we have sex?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"November 23, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I would like to ask you a question: I have read\u00a0your responses\u00a0to other people. I\u00a0am in a relationship. Both of us are Christians and we love God. We prayed together and vowed to God about our lives for our marriage. We are preparing for our wedding next year. 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