I’m hurt that my daughter wants to get her stepmom a gift for Mother’s Day. My daughter has never asked me to buy a gift. The step mom is my former husband’s mistress who is now his wife, but my daughter doesn’t know this. She and my husband were so opened with their affair and that made me angry at the time. I thought I’d forgiven her for what she did to my family, but does this mean that I haven’t if I feel hurt by my daughter’s decision. It has been a few years since the divorce, but I want these feelings not to come up. They live in another state and my daughter visits only twice each year.<\/p>\n
Thanks for your wisdom.<\/p>\n\t
What your former husband and this woman did was wrong, but there is nothing you can do to change the situation. It is natural that your daughter feels closer to this other woman when she spends more time with her. It is a sad situation.<\/p>\n
What you are feeling is envy. You want what is being given to another. Envy just leads to bitterness. “A sound heart is life to the body, but envy is rottenness to the bones<\/em>” (Proverbs 14:30).<\/p>\n “Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled<\/em>” (Hebrews 12:14-15).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n You need to be above this. “Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. Therefore “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good<\/em>” (Romans 12:17-21).<\/p>\n You can’t buy your daughter’s love, but you can show her what it means to be a godly woman.<\/p>\n\t You are amazing, as usual. My gift to my daughter is priceless — the gift of showing godly walking.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: I’m hurt that my daughter wants to get her stepmom a gift for Mother’s Day. My daughter has never asked me to buy a gift. The step mom is my former husband’s mistress who is now his wife, but my daughter doesn’t know this. She and my husband were so opened with their affair…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[583,875],"class_list":["post-38552","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-envy","tag-jealousy"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":33338,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-ex-husband-wants-our-daughter-at-his-wedding-but-she-has-other-plans-how-do-i-help\/","url_meta":{"origin":38552,"position":0},"title":"My ex-husband wants our daughter at his wedding but she has other plans. How do I help?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 21, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My husband left me for another woman about two years ago. We have a teenage daughter who is amazing. Unfortunately, her dad lives in another state, and she travels there for the holidays and summer break. \u00a0My husband married the other woman six months after the divorce (for which\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":36288,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-i-find-peace-when-im-reminded-that-another-woman-stole-my-husband-away\/","url_meta":{"origin":38552,"position":1},"title":"How do I find peace when I’m reminded that another woman stole my husband away?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 28, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Every holiday season my former spouse's wife sends holiday greeting cards to my daughter. \u00a0I don't understand why she feels the need to send photos of my former spouse and herself (along with their toddler) to her. I put the greeting cards up and display them, for it is\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":43079,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-we-treat-our-daughter-who-says-she-is-now-a-homosexual\/","url_meta":{"origin":38552,"position":2},"title":"How do we treat our daughter who says she is now a homosexual?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 30, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: How are we to treat a homosexual person?\u00a0 She is our daughter.\u00a0 This has never happened in our families before.\u00a0 We are so hurt by this.\u00a0 She was raised in a Christian home.\u00a0 We want her to come to her senses and live the way God wants her to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":8443,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-my-daughter-be-forgiven-of-her-adultery\/","url_meta":{"origin":38552,"position":3},"title":"Can my daughter be forgiven of her adultery?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"August 27, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My daughter went abroad to seek for better income for her family. She left her husband and children with me. But as the years went by, she revealed that she is living with another man, and they already have a child. Her kids never knew about the situation, but\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2264,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-get-so-mad-at-my-former-boyfriend-that-it-is-affecting-my-life\/","url_meta":{"origin":38552,"position":4},"title":"I get so mad at my former boyfriend that it is affecting my life","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 12, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, I am a member of the Lord's church. I have been going through a rough cycle of hurt, anger, and unforgivable times with my daughter's father. After we broke up a few years ago, it started to be rough with co-parenting with him. I called off my relationship\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":22026,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-found-my-husband-locked-in-his-bedroom-with-our-daughter-and-only-partially-clothed-what-do-i-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":38552,"position":5},"title":"I found my husband locked in his bedroom with our daughter and only partially clothed. What do I do?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 17, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I really don't know where to go with this question, but having been a regular reader of your web site, I hope you can help. My husband and I have a 10-year-old daughter. We do not share a bedroom per his insistence. 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