I\u00a0 am a single mother with a young son. The child’s father and I\u00a0 are not on speaking terms. However, I have started growing closer with the Lord and looking at life differently.<\/p>\n
First, my child is an infant and the issue between his father and I began while I was pregnant. When my son was born, I placed the father on child support. The father made one child support payment since the support order was established. Because of this, his license is suspended. I also believe there is a warrant for his arrest.<\/p>\n
I have a great relationship with the grandmother on his father’s side and my son knows everyone on both sides except his father.<\/p>\n
I recently tried to reach out to him, let him know I have no animosity and would be willing to work together so he can be a part of his son’s life. But because I know his father’s lifestyle, I asked if I could see the house where his father is now staying. He had an issue with that and wanted me to meet him in public. We couldn’t agree, and I told him that I wouldn’t be bringing my son to meet him. We haven’t talked since — not to mention his number was disconnected after that.<\/p>\n
He then contacted me via text from an unknown number saying I should close the child support order because he doesn’t intend on paying and, since I won’t let him see his child, it’s pointless anyway. I replied that if he surrenders his parental rights, then I would close the support order — no response.<\/p>\n
But now I think that maybe the child support idea is a worldly concept. God will handle him not taking care of his son. But I feel I need to be practical as well. If I closed the case, what’s the worst that could happen? I mean I already don’t receive the financial assistance, and he doesn’t make an effort to see him. If he wants to be there for his son, he should do so on his own. Not mandated by the state. Should I close the support order and leave the rest to God? I feel maybe the child support is the last chain on my heart between him and me because he hurt me really deeply. Maybe closing the support is letting go completely. I want him to know I am not the enemy and have truly moved on from what happened between us. More importantly, I don’t want, 15 years from now, my son thinking I am the reason his father is absent. If I can do anything to make sure he knows his father, then I want to because his father is not a bad person and can be a good father. I just don’t agree with his lifestyle on certain things and his relationship with God is not aligned with mine, so we have conflicts. But, again,\u00a0 I don’t want to be the reason his father claims he can’t or doesn’t get the opportunity to be a father to his son.<\/p>\n\t
The real issue is that your son’s father does not want to be involved in his son’s life. The fact that you listed him as the father did not cause him to shirk his responsibilities. His lack of involvement is shown in his refusal to pay child support and not wishing to see his son. Notice that even though he has gotten in trouble with the state for not taking responsibility for the child he caused to be conceived, it has not caused him to want to be involved with his son. Therefore, your concern that you don’t want to have the father forced to be involved is false because he isn’t involved even under pressure.<\/p>\n
You hint that this man’s lifestyle is not safe for a child to be exposed to. Yet, you turn around and want this man involved in the boy’s life? Why? A bad father is not good for a child. I don’t care about what the father\u00a0could be<\/em>. The only important question is what kind of man is the father at this moment. What you are telling me is that he will be a bad influence on this boy.<\/p>\n I very much doubt the man will get involved in his child’s life if the order is dropped. Oh, he might show up once in a while, but that is about it. I have seen similar cases where a deadbeat parent undermines the real parent. The deadbeat parent paints a fantasy world for the child where the real parent is the mean person, the deadbeat parent is the victim, and how life would be wonderful if only things were different.<\/p>\n It bothers me that while he doesn’t want responsibility, he also doesn’t want to give up his parental rights either. It sounds to me that he wants to do as he pleases without responsibility.<\/p>\n Let’s get back to the basics. You two sinned by having sex without being married. Sins have consequences and children are the natural result of fornication. No one made you two have sex. That is something the two of you chose to do in violation of God’s Law (Hebrews 13:4). Neither one of you can reasonably claim that you do want responsibility for the child because you didn’t intend to have a child. The simple fact is that by engaging in fornication you made yourselves responsible.<\/p>\n You shouldered your obligations. The sperm donor rejected his obligations. That sinful choice also comes with consequences as a society, represented by the state, requires the parents of a child to be responsible for the child. I don’t believe it is possible to withdraw the father’s name. So long as you receive aid from the government for the child, the government will seek reimbursement from the father. In the government’s eyes, visitation and child support are separate issues.<\/p>\n The child needs a real father in his life. I hope you will find a good man to marry, one who doesn’t insist on having sex prior to marriage, and one who will accept your son as his own. Meanwhile, I would suggest that you continue to pursue having the father’s parental rights terminated, which may take a while since he refuses to cooperate. Keep his family involved if you wish and so long as they will be a good influence on the child.<\/p>\n Your focus needs to be on giving this child the best home possible so that the mistakes of your generation are not repeated in his. It isn’t your job to make his father comfortable in his irresponsibility.<\/p>\n\t Thank you for your response.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: I\u00a0 am a single mother with a young son. The child’s father and I\u00a0 are not on speaking terms. However, I have started growing closer with the Lord and looking at life differently. First, my child is an infant and the issue between his father and I began while I was pregnant. When my…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[1572],"class_list":["post-38489","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-fornication"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":32053,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-it-right-that-a-mother-doesnt-want-the-father-involved-in-their-childs-life\/","url_meta":{"origin":38489,"position":0},"title":"Is it right that a mother doesn’t want the father involved in their child’s life?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 5, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Good evening, I have a friend who had sex outside of marriage and she had a child out of it. She feels\u00a0very strongly about not wanting the father to be in the child's life at all because he's not paying child support, he's not coming to visit his son\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":61610,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/what-did-the-prodigal-sons-father-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":38489,"position":1},"title":"What did the prodigal son’s father do?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 28, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I am curious about the parable of the \"prodigal son\", probably one of the best-known of all parables. Nothing is said about what the father does or does not do after his son leaves and goes to a far country. He seems very comfortable with giving his son his\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":12992,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/will-my-children-go-to-hell-because-they-turned-against-me\/","url_meta":{"origin":38489,"position":2},"title":"Will my children go to hell because they turned against me?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 31, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My question is long, but I will try to shorten it. My husband died two years ago and my three kids turned against me and sued me for the whole estate. They lost in court, but I turned around and gave them each five acres of land. Two of\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":35625,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/a-man-got-me-pregnant-and-now-wont-marry-me-or-support-the-child-what-do-i-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":38489,"position":3},"title":"A man got me pregnant and now won’t marry me or support the child. What do I do?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 31, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Good day sir, I am a single lady, in my late twenties, who was impregnated by a man in his early thirties. Initially, when he found out I was pregnant, he accepted responsibility and promised to marry me. But shortly afterward he changed his mind saying he never planned\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":24190,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/should-a-man-search-out-the-father-who-abandoned-him-as-a-child-to-remove-a-curse-of-a-broken-family-from-him\/","url_meta":{"origin":38489,"position":4},"title":"Should a man search out the father who abandoned him as a child to remove a curse of a broken family from him?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"August 3, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: We were having a conversation about a man from a broken family, who is born again. Should he go to look for his dad who abandoned him when he was a child? We were divided into two camps. One group was of the opinion that this man should go\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":30783,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-a-daughter-at-18-go-to-college-without-her-parents-permission\/","url_meta":{"origin":38489,"position":5},"title":"Can a daughter at 18 go to college without her parent’s permission?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"November 27, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Would it be a sin to move out at 18 despite your father telling you that you will leave only when he approves? I know a father who will not allow his daughter to leave home until she is married. 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