Hello sir,<\/p>\n
Let me share a great burden in my heart with you. I am only a few months away from my marriage to a lady I have known for just over a year. We have done the family introductions and have a date fixed for our wedding.<\/p>\n
She came to me last weekend confessing she cheated on me the day before by kissing a classmate in her post-graduate class. She is still apologizing. I won’t deceive you that forgiving is not an issue for me, but continuing or stepping out, despite the fact that our parents and families are making preparations, including our churches. She told me she was tempted. I am sorry for myself and for her because it is really disheartening. I can’t believe this has happened to me, not when we have a date already.<\/p>\n
She told me it didn’t go beyond kissing, but I feel bad that the lips I honored by keeping away from and as well honoring God by keeping ourselves chaste have been dishonored by someone else cheaply. She is actually a virgin to date, and I appreciate her, but I doubt if I am safe again with her. I feel it can happen again seeing she is as good as being married. Everyone knows about our engagement including the classmate. Unfortunately, the classmate is also a Christian brother, so to say.<\/p>\n
I am heartbroken. I don’t know what to do yet. I need advice. I have been talking to God to help me decide what is most best for us both or me. I still want to preserve her dignity. I have not told anyone at all except you and it’s easier for me to do so for obvious reasons. I don’t want to bring shame to her, but I have to talk to somebody. Please, let God use you to speak to me as always.<\/p>\n
Thank you.<\/p>\n\t
I understand your struggle. What makes your question difficult to answer is that we have the facts of what happened, but not the motivations. Why did your fiance kiss another man when she knew you were waiting until your wedding day to kiss her? Why did this man, knowing she was about to be married kiss her? Without that information making a good decision will be hard. Is there an older man or woman, whose judgment you trust, whom you can send to talk to both your fiance and this other man? It must be someone who will not gossip. Ask the person to find out why this happened by talking to both people and then tell you, in their opinion, if it was a momentary lapse or a sign of a deeper problem.<\/p>\n
I would like you to have a separate person to ask because there is too much emotion between you and those involved. It will cloud your judgment, keeping you from seeing what needs to be seen.<\/p>\n
If the opinion is that it was a momentary lapse that both are determined to have repeated, then I would recommend continuing with the marriage. Satan gets to all people. “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us<\/em>” (I John 1:8). As hard as it may be, you will have to trust her. At least you know she isn’t one to hide her sins from you.<\/p>\n If the opinion is that there is something deeper here, then I would recommend postponing the wedding, and if the problem cannot be resolved, then ending the relationship. But if it can be resolved, then know that your relationship is that much stronger because you overcame a problem together.<\/p>\n\t Hmmm … deep. I appreciate it. This has really helped me. I pray what has given me joy over her will not turn to sorrow. I will get back to you as to how things eventually turn out.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: Hello sir, Let me share a great burden in my heart with you. I am only a few months away from my marriage to a lady I have known for just over a year. We have done the family introductions and have a date fixed for our wedding. She came to me last weekend…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[149,662],"class_list":["post-37864","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-dating","tag-engagement"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":33338,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-ex-husband-wants-our-daughter-at-his-wedding-but-she-has-other-plans-how-do-i-help\/","url_meta":{"origin":37864,"position":0},"title":"My ex-husband wants our daughter at his wedding but she has other plans. How do I help?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 21, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My husband left me for another woman about two years ago. We have a teenage daughter who is amazing. Unfortunately, her dad lives in another state, and she travels there for the holidays and summer break. \u00a0My husband married the other woman six months after the divorce (for which\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":61235,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/you-may-now-kiss-the-bride\/","url_meta":{"origin":37864,"position":1},"title":"You May\u00a0NOW\u00a0Kiss the Bride","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 9, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"by Cindy Dunagan via\u00a0Focus Magazine, No. 98, April 2008. Sexual purity. What virtue is more difficult to instill in our teenagers than purity of heart? No one needs to tell you we are living in an ultra-sexualized culture where your teenagers will be continually surrounded by sexual temptation. This roaring\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Article"","block_context":{"text":"Article","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/article\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/06\/WeddingKiss.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":19157,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/does-the-person-who-had-sex-with-another-persons-fiancee-needs-to-apologize-to-the-fiancee\/","url_meta":{"origin":37864,"position":2},"title":"Does the person who had sex with another person’s fiancee needs to apologize to the fiancee","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 27, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: If a Christian sister falls into formication with a brother who is engaged, and both have sincerely repented, is it necessary for the sister to call the brother's fianc\u00e9e to apologize as a form of restitution?\u00a0 Does the brother need to tell his fianc\u00e9e and show her the sister\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":44660,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/thank-you-for-providing-clarity-on-my-own-issue-with-false-prophets\/","url_meta":{"origin":37864,"position":3},"title":"Thank you for providing clarity on my own issue with false prophets","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 11, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I want to thank you for providing more clarity on an issue that has been bothering me. My fianc\u00e9e informed me two weeks ago that three prophets in her church warned her to stop our wedding, which was to take place in a few months. Note that our upcoming\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":38669,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/why-does-my-wife-despise-me\/","url_meta":{"origin":37864,"position":4},"title":"Why does my wife despise me?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"April 28, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I desperately need godly counsel concerning my marriage. Let me start out by setting up the scenario first. I met my wife at church when I was a teenager. We were friends for the first few years, then started dating, and then got engaged. She is the only woman\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":50214,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-far-do-we-help-with-the-wedding-of-a-young-man-who-got-a-girl-pregnant\/","url_meta":{"origin":37864,"position":5},"title":"How far do we help with the wedding of a young man who got a girl pregnant?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 19, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello brother, how are you? I have a question for you, but first, let me give you some context.\u00a0I am a Spanish-speaking minister who works with an English-speaking church that meets in the same building. There is a sister in the church who has always come to church. 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