I have been dating this man from church for about half a year now.\u00a0 Our original getting together was through his uncle inviting me over to meet him.\u00a0 I have to mention that he is the victim of a drunk driver over a decade ago. Because of this, he is physically and mentally handicapped.\u00a0 He is pretty much all there mentally, but not enough to be completely on his own. We are both in our forties.<\/p>\n
Up until two weeks ago, his uncle defended me with his grandma.\u00a0 Now he won’t step in for anything and his grandma won’t let him see me. It was the uncle who warned me two weeks into dating my boyfriend that grandma was a very mean person (mental) and has been her entire life.\u00a0 He told me that she was and is still verbally abusive to him, all of his siblings, and their spouses. He had told my boyfriend that he shouldn’t try to have a girlfriend until grandma dies.\u00a0 Grandma is in her eighties.\u00a0 She told me that she hates gringos. She is always ruining our dates.<\/p>\n
One evening, I picked him up to go over to my brothers. We were watching a movie when 20 minutes into the movie his uncle called (with grandma screaming in the background) telling me that I had to bring him home because God told her we were having sex.\u00a0 For some reason, this woman believes we are always having sex, when in fact this has never taken place.<\/p>\n
His uncle told me that one time when I was over, she had told him that she was going to pick on me intentionally.\u00a0 He told me that he stopped her from doing any such thing.\u00a0 The list of this woman’s antics and abuses goes on and on.<\/p>\n
The final straw for me was when I was on my way over to their home, I was in an accident. His uncle dropped me off at urgent care and told me he would come back and pick me up after my boyfriend’s appointment. He never came back and my cell phone was dead.\u00a0 I was told that grandma forbade him to get me, no one even knew the extent of my injuries, and it was her car.\u00a0 Grandma gets paid by the state to take care of my boyfriend. He gets paid Social Security for being disabled, of which grandma only gives him $20 a week.\u00a0 His uncle told me that when grandma dies, he will be the caregiver.\u00a0 The thing is, I really like my boyfriend, and he is head over heels in love with me.\u00a0 Not only is he unable to have a life with these people, but he is also the victim of their greediness.\u00a0 I can’t take grandma anymore, but I am afraid of what this may do to my boyfriend if I break up with him because of them.\u00a0 I need some Christian counsel. Because I am at the point I just want to walk away because of them, but I’m afraid how it is going to affect my boyfriend.<\/p>\n\t
Both the grandmother and the uncle have financial reasons for you not to marry this man. Once you do, you’ll be responsible for his care. I gather the uncle doesn’t mind, but the grandmother likes to have control. What is shameful is that people are allowing this woman to push them around.<\/p>\n
The only way you are going to have a life with this man is if he decides to ignore his grandmother. He has to deal with her, not you. The grandmother cannot forbid him from seeing you if he wants to do so. Thus, you need to sit down with him and his uncle, without the grandmother. Tell them both that you love him and would like to continue dating him, but not if it means jumping to the grandmother’s whims. That means that if you and he are out on a date and the grandmother insists that he returns without just reason, you will state the expected time of return and then hang up. You are letting the uncle know because he is going to be taking the brunt of the grandmother’s fury. If this is not acceptable to the two men, then you need to move on because you aren’t interested in having the grandmother controlling your life.<\/p>\n
Then listen to their response and if your boyfriend doesn’t want to lose you, he and his uncle will work on a way that keeps the grandmother out of the relationship. It will be hard on both of them, and they have too long of a history of letting the grandmother control their lives. I can’t predict how it will go, but I can say that you need to get this straighten out now.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Question: I have been dating this man from church for about half a year now.\u00a0 Our original getting together was through his uncle inviting me over to meet him.\u00a0 I have to mention that he is the victim of a drunk driver over a decade ago. Because of this, he is physically and mentally handicapped.\u00a0…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[149,173,916],"class_list":["post-36162","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-dating","tag-family","tag-handicapped"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":28510,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/will-i-be-handicapped-in-heaven\/","url_meta":{"origin":36162,"position":0},"title":"Will I be handicapped in heaven?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"August 20, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I was born with a handicap. It has since become worse. I have applied for disability but can not seem to receive it. Why was I pick for this? What did I do to deserve this? If I die tomorrow, will I be handicapped in heaven? Who should I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":49079,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-boyfriend-doesnt-want-to-get-married-and-have-a-family-but-i-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":36162,"position":1},"title":"My boyfriend doesn’t want to get married and have a family, but I do","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 15, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year now. We are still young, in our early twenties, and have different goals in our life. We both live with his parents, in separate rooms of course, but I am ready to take the next step of commitment\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":37017,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-i-honor-my-dad-when-he-wont-talk-to-me\/","url_meta":{"origin":36162,"position":2},"title":"How do I honor my dad when he won’t talk to me?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 28, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My dad and I were always close when I was little. I was a daddy's girl even though he lived in another state. I lived with my mom and only saw him during the summer. We drifted apart when he got married, and I stopped visiting him when I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":23329,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/should-my-friend-pursue-a-relationship-with-a-boy-who-had-sex-in-the-past\/","url_meta":{"origin":36162,"position":3},"title":"Should my friend pursue a relationship with a boy who had sex in the past?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 10, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: This question is for my friend's situation: A boy recently started to pursue more-than-friends moves on my friend. She's liked him on-and-off for three years, but in those three years, he's had a girlfriend. She just found out that the boy had sex a few times several months ago\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":42245,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-it-proper-for-my-boyfriend-to-flirt-with-other-women\/","url_meta":{"origin":36162,"position":4},"title":"Is it proper for my boyfriend to flirt with other women?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 24, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I read one of the answers you gave\u00a0a girl about kissing her old boyfriend while she was dating another guy, and she felt guilty about it. You said they were not married so it was OK. If my boyfriend and I have an understanding that we're not going to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":48059,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/why-cant-i-marry-my-catholic-boyfriend\/","url_meta":{"origin":36162,"position":5},"title":"Why can’t I marry my Catholic boyfriend?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 1, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: God bless you, Well, I have an issue in my life. My parents and I were introduced to Christianity a few years ago. My dad already had a background in it since his childhood, so he connected and loved it right away. My mom and I didn't feel it\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36162","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=36162"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36162\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=36162"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=36162"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=36162"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}