{"id":34864,"date":"2012-09-18T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-09-18T16:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/?p=34864"},"modified":"2021-05-02T11:12:34","modified_gmt":"2021-05-02T16:12:34","slug":"my-fiance-and-i-engaged-in-foreplay-how-do-we-answer-the-church-if-we-are-asked-knowing-this-will-mean-we-cannot-be-wed-in-the-church","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-fiance-and-i-engaged-in-foreplay-how-do-we-answer-the-church-if-we-are-asked-knowing-this-will-mean-we-cannot-be-wed-in-the-church\/","title":{"rendered":"My fiance and I engaged in foreplay. How do we answer the church if we are asked, knowing this will mean we cannot be wed in the church?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\t

Question:<\/h2>\n

How do we answer the church if I and my fianc\u00e9 are asked if we have had sex before marriage when we have engaged in the foreplay of sexual activities? Knowing we cannot be wed in the church if we say yes, though we didn’t do the real act.<\/p>\n\t

Answer:<\/h2>\n

First, there is no requirement in the Bible for weddings to be done in a church building or sanctioned by a church. God requires people to be married before having sex and establishing a new family. The details of how that marriage is to take place are purposely left vague. Paul stated that people who are married before becoming a Christian are still married after one or both become a Christian. “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy<\/em>” (I Corinthians 7:14).<\/p>\n

There are basic requirements for a marriage, which can be found in\u00a0Marriage Covenants<\/a>. But suffice it to say that even if you are married at the courthouse, you will be just as much married as when a preacher performs the wedding.<\/p>\n

What you and your fiance did was sinful. Paul stated, “Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman<\/em>” (I Corinthians 7:1). That sin needs to be dealt with. Both of you need to recognize that it was wrong and commit yourselves to not repeating the sin (II Corinthians 7:10-11). You also need to go before God to ask for forgiveness (I John 1:9).<\/p>\n

It is a shame that a church isn’t able to recognize that people who have sinned can repent and be forgiven by God. “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses<\/em>” (Matthew 6:14-15). A church that holds a person’s past forgiven sins against him is not a true and faithful church. I would urge you and your fiance to find a church that follows the Bible and not their own whims.<\/p>\n

But even so, if this group says that acts of lewdness mean you cannot be married on their property, then so be it. Get married elsewhere. Do not lie about your past sins. If they cannot accept your repentance, then that is their problem and not yours.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Question: How do we answer the church if I and my fianc\u00e9 are asked if we have had sex before marriage when we have engaged in the foreplay of sexual activities? Knowing we cannot be wed in the church if we say yes, though we didn’t do the real act. Answer: First, there is no…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[1089,205,392,64,596],"class_list":["post-34864","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-foreplay","tag-lewdness","tag-lying","tag-marriage","tag-sensuality"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":37219,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/should-i-end-our-engagement-even-though-weve-sinned\/","url_meta":{"origin":34864,"position":0},"title":"Should I end our engagement even though we’ve sinned?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 17, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, I am a 25 years old woman. I met my fiance about five years ago as a friend. Eventually, the friendship turned out to be a much-committed relationship. He proposed to me for marriage. We have been engaged for several years. We have been postponing marriage due to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":41197,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-engaged-in-immoral-behavior-with-a-woman-does-this-mean-i-cannot-marry\/","url_meta":{"origin":34864,"position":1},"title":"I engaged in immoral behavior with a woman. Does this mean I cannot marry?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 5, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I'm a member of the church, but lately, I've made a poor, sinful choice by going somewhere I was tempted. I went to a massage parlor for the sole purpose of helping my body. Later during the massage, I engaged in some immoral foreplay activities with the woman there.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":15684,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/did-my-girlfriend-and-i-sin-by-trying-foreplay-even-though-we-will-be-married-next-year\/","url_meta":{"origin":34864,"position":2},"title":"Did my girlfriend and I sin by trying foreplay even though we will be married next year?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 8, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, I and my girlfriend tried foreplay a couple of times, but we have not had sex. She is not just my girlfriend, she is almost my wife. I will marry her next year; this will surely happen. Also, I didn't have any sexual experiences before. I have gone\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":32363,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-it-wrong-for-a-woman-to-relieve-her-fiance-using-masturbation-until-they-get-married\/","url_meta":{"origin":34864,"position":3},"title":"Is it wrong for a woman to relieve her fiance using masturbation until they get married?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 30, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Praise the Lord. I read your correspondence regarding\u00a0oral sex\u00a0and found it to be very enlightening. Does this reasoning also apply to a woman relieving her fianc\u00e9 using masturbation on him until they marry? Answer: \"Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2853,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-foreplay-wrong-if-it-doesnt-lead-to-sex\/","url_meta":{"origin":34864,"position":4},"title":"Is foreplay wrong if it doesn’t lead to sex?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 9, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I'm a 22 male and I have been searching for an answer on this site. Sex is not a problem before marriage for me, but what about foreplay if you are certain it will not lead to sex? It has never been a problem to stop before thinking about\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":25147,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/red-yellow-or-green-light\/","url_meta":{"origin":34864,"position":5},"title":"Red, yellow, or green light?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 6, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I love your site. I sent the link to my girlfriend. We are not romantically involved; we just only touch the upper part of our bodies, and we keep our clothes on. 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