Can I divorce my spouse because of his fornication with other women before our marriage? \u00a0I was not guilty of the same. \u00a0It bothers me after all these years and I find it hard to forgive. \u00a0He says it was not a sin against me, but I feel the pain. \u00a0And even though we have been married almost 30 years it bothers me.<\/p>\n\t
“And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery<\/em>” (Matthew 19:9).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
In the Greek Jesus’ statement is about divorcing a spouse because of an\u00a0on going<\/em> problem of fornication. He is not talking about a one-time event or something that occurred in the distant past.<\/p>\n
I assume you knew about his sins before you married him, if so you entered a covenant with this man knowing who he was. Even if you found out afterward, you remained with him for years. It is clear that these were past sins. He has been faithful in his marriage to you. He has not broken his covenant with you. This indicates a man who has repented of his sins.<\/p>\n
He is correct that his sins were against himself. You were not in the picture at the time. “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body<\/em>” (I Corinthians 6:18). You are demanding the right to forgive a man of a sin that was not committed against you. It is a right that you do not have.<\/p>\n
The man in I Corinthians 5 was withdrawn from for his fornication. Later he repented and in Paul’s second letter, he says, “This punishment which was inflicted by the majority is sufficient for such a man, so that, on the contrary, you ought rather to forgive and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one be swallowed up with too much sorrow<\/em>” (II Corinthians 2:6-7). The withdrawal accomplished its end in bringing about a change in the man. Now that he changed, the required action by the church was to forgive.<\/p>\n
But the shameful thing is that your husband has changed and left his sins behind. Yet, his wife, who claims to be a Christian, is holding it against him. Even if you wish to claim that these sins were against you, you should have forgiven him because he changed. “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses<\/em>” (Matthew 6:14-15). If you can’t forgive a repentant sinner after all these years, why do you expect God to treat you differently because of your sins?<\/p>\n
My guess is that this really isn’t about his past fornication. You simply want out of your marriage and in your mind, this is a more justifiable cause for not liking your husband than the actual reasons.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Question: Can I divorce my spouse because of his fornication with other women before our marriage? \u00a0I was not guilty of the same. \u00a0It bothers me after all these years and I find it hard to forgive. \u00a0He says it was not a sin against me, but I feel the pain. \u00a0And even though we…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[167,1572],"class_list":["post-34186","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-divorce","tag-fornication"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":13180,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/what-is-the-status-of-a-person-who-married-a-person-who-had-no-right-to-marry-but-later-divorced-that-person\/","url_meta":{"origin":34186,"position":0},"title":"What is the status of a person who married a person who had no right to marry, but later divorced that person?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"November 2, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: If someone has been scripturally divorced, but her previous spouse was not eligible for marriage because of a previous marriage. What is the status of that person? Answer: When a person's marriage ends in divorce for some reason other than fornication, or if the marriage ended in divorce because\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":16856,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-a-person-remarry-if-their-spouse-commits-adultery-after-the-divorce\/","url_meta":{"origin":34186,"position":1},"title":"Can a person remarry if their spouse commits adultery after the divorce?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"November 17, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I want to ask you about two people who have divorced. I understand they are supposed to remain unmarried, and if one of them does get married later, he is living in adultery. Is the other person free to marry, since in God's eyes they are still connected to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":17196,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-a-divorced-person-remarry-if-adultery-occurred-after-the-divorce\/","url_meta":{"origin":34186,"position":2},"title":"Can a divorced person remarry if adultery occurred after the divorce?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 5, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: If two people are divorced for unbiblical grounds and there is no adultery at the time, yet one spouse after the divorce marries someone else or is sexually immoral is the other then free to remarry another? Answer: \"And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":49679,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/if-a-person-is-divorced-for-fornication-does-that-mean-he-cannot-reconcile-with-his-former-spouse\/","url_meta":{"origin":34186,"position":3},"title":"If a person is divorced for fornication, does that mean he cannot reconcile with his former spouse?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"December 29, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hi Jeff, I talked about the subject of divorce and remarriage with a preacher. I listened to what he said carefully but couldn't prove him wrong. I don't want to let my biases get in the way, but we're not in agreement. I told him I won't preach on\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":18479,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/isnt-divorce-for-any-reason-other-than-fornication-a-sin\/","url_meta":{"origin":34186,"position":4},"title":"Isn’t divorce for any reason other than fornication a sin?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"April 22, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Where is the Scripture that God allows divorce for any reason other than fornication,\u00a0such as\u00a0drug addiction, or abuse? I Corinthians 7:10 is not giving permission to divorce.\u00a0It is a command not to.\u00a0 If disobeyed, however, I Corinthians 7:11 says she must remain unmarried.\u00a0There is only one scriptural cause for\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4440,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/does-my-marriage-have-to-end-because-i-committed-adultery\/","url_meta":{"origin":34186,"position":5},"title":"Does my marriage have to end because I committed adultery?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"May 21, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Dear Jeffrey, I committed adultery with a married woman while I was married to my wife.\u00a0 I told my wife, and she forgave me.\u00a0 Is our marriage still right with God, or do I have to terminate our marriage? Answer: \"And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34186","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=34186"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34186\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=34186"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=34186"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=34186"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}