I been married for about twenty years. Several years ago I had an affair with a man that went on for a few years. I gave myself to this man: mind, soul, and body. My husband found out, but I lied about the sex. He is asking me again. Should I tell him I had sex with this man? I know God forgave me, but I heard you don’t have to say everything that happened. Is this true? Am I going to hell if I don’t tell him everything?<\/p>\n\t
You are sinning because you lied on top of committing adultery. I’m glad you repented of the adultery, but lying is just as wrong. “But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death<\/em>” (Revelation 21:8).<\/p>\n If a spouse doesn’t know about an affair that has ended, has been repented of, and likely will have no future impact on the marriage (like a child from the affair), I typically suggest not saying anything because it won’t do the marriage any good.<\/p>\n But in your case, your husband did find out. In this case, you do need to tell him the truth because he asked. Do you need to tell him exactly how many times you were in bed with this bum, or what sexual positions you used? No. If asked, you can politely state that the affair is over and you don’t want to revisit it. You can even mention that you don’t want the man you love to be jealous of a man who encouraged you to sin and whom you discarded.<\/p>\n\t Thank you for your answer. But I forgot to tell you. My husband will hit me if I tell him the truth if he asks. So I’m afraid so I have to lie.<\/p>\n\t The problem is that your statement is a lie. Lying is never required. To say you have to sin to avoid someone else sinning is also false. “And why not say, “Let us do evil that good may come”? –as we are slanderously reported and as some affirm that we say. Their condemnation is just<\/em>” (Romans 3:8).<\/p>\n Your husband striking you is a possibility, but not a fact. If it does happen, then you deal with that sin in an appropriate manner.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: I been married for about twenty years. Several years ago I had an affair with a man that went on for a few years. I gave myself to this man: mind, soul, and body. My husband found out, but I lied about the sex. He is asking me again. Should I tell him I…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[66,392],"class_list":["post-33260","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-adultery","tag-lying"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":40297,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-committed-adultery-with-a-married-man-now-i-feel-guilty-about-it\/","url_meta":{"origin":33260,"position":0},"title":"I committed adultery with a married man, now I feel guilty about it","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"September 17, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: A couple of years ago I had sex with a married man. It lasted about two years and it was revealed to his wife that we were having a sexual affair. I've lied to her about what went on between us. I'm very ashamed and disgusted by what I've\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":37401,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/can-a-man-remarry-after-divorcing-his-wife-for-her-admitted-adultery-only-to-find-out-decades-later-that-she-lied-to-him\/","url_meta":{"origin":33260,"position":1},"title":"Can a man remarry after divorcing his wife for her admitted adultery only to find out decades later that she lied to him?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 27, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I am a member of the Lord's church, he is not (although he has been studying and attending services with me). I was engaged to him until I contacted his ex-wife to inquire about what ended their marriage. I wanted to make sure his claim that she committed adultery\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":46905,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/to-get-money-i-lied-to-a-man-that-im-pregnant-with-his-child\/","url_meta":{"origin":33260,"position":2},"title":"To get money, I lied to a man that I’m pregnant with his child","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 12, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I searched about God and found this site. I am depressed and wondering what I should do. I just need prayers. I just finished college and because I haven't gotten a job, I met this man who is 60 years old. He started providing for me. 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I confessed my adultery to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":32286,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-husband-blames-me-for-his-adulteries-and-our-divorce-how-do-i-move-past-this\/","url_meta":{"origin":33260,"position":4},"title":"My husband blames me for his adulteries and our divorce. How do I move past this?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 26, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I'm really torn about my divorce. My husband left me for another woman, divorced me, and married her. I'm still crushed after several years. Our marriage started out poorly. We had pre-marital sex and I even had an abortion. A few months before we got married, I had sex\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":43648,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/if-i-had-an-affair-with-another-man-while-separated-from-my-husband-could-i-marry-the-man-i-had-the-affair-with\/","url_meta":{"origin":33260,"position":5},"title":"If I had an affair with another man while separated from my husband, could I marry the man I had the affair with?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 15, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I separated from my husband because of his cheating and in the process met a man who was separated from his wife. I had an emotional and sexual relationship with him. I'm confused about if I'm committing adultery and if God will bless our union. 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Answer:<\/h2>\n