How do I know what to say when telling people that they’re living in sin, like my family and friends? I’m scared that whatever I say will not even be listened to and then it’s just going to be a squabble afterward. But I know, obviously, it is more important to warn them about the life they’re living.<\/p>\n\t
People judge the value of what they are being told by who is telling them. A doctor telling you that you have a disease is considered far more serious than a friend down the street, even though both may say exactly the same thing. In other words, people don’t always judge facts based on truth. Even though “The thoughts of the righteous are right, but the counsels of the wicked are deceitful<\/em>” (Proverbs 12:5).<\/p>\n It is hard to warn family and friends when you are young because you start at a disadvantage. You have limited experience, so people assume that you don’t know what you are talking about. I remember when I was a teen and tried to talk to someone about child-rearing problems. “Just wait until you get married, then you’ll see.” Getting married didn’t help much. “Just wait until you have kids, then you’ll see.” I had children, but then I was told, “Just wait until you have teenagers, then you’ll see.” Now that I’ve raised fine young men to adulthood, I’m waiting for the next stage of life: “You’re too old to understand.”<\/p>\n Few people are willing to listen to someone telling them they are wrong. However, many people will consider an insightful point. So instead of giving the conclusion, give the person something to think about. If you have a cousin shacking up with a girl, you might note that you plan on saving yourself for marriage to show her how much you respect her. If someone says, “We can’t afford to get married,” then ask how they manage to afford to live together. Or if friends are teasing about doing a girl, say that you love God too much to go against Him and disrespect a girl. None of these are earth-shattering; they probably still won’t like what you mention, but you can give them something to think about. If you can make it an observation instead of a condemnation of an individual, it is more likely to be considered.<\/p>\n It is when a person directly asks you for your advice that you can be blunter in what you observe and know. But unsolicited advice is rarely welcome, except by those strongly motivated to improve themselves. “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise<\/em>” (Proverbs 12:15). “Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a just man, and he will increase in learning<\/em>” (Proverbs 9:9).<\/p>\n “Teach me, and I will hold my tongue; Cause me to understand wherein I have erred. How forceful are right words! But what does your arguing prove?<\/em>” (Job 6:24-25).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: How do I know what to say when telling people that they’re living in sin, like my family and friends? I’m scared that whatever I say will not even be listened to and then it’s just going to be a squabble afterward. But I know, obviously, it is more important to warn them about…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[1598,451],"class_list":["post-33230","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-rebukes","tag-teaching"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":36610,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-friend-is-committing-adultery-must-i-say-something\/","url_meta":{"origin":33230,"position":0},"title":"My friend is committing adultery. Must I say something?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 21, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I need a clear answer. Did I commit sin if I have known from the beginning my friend has committed adultery and still dating someone? She still married, still living in the same house together with her husband and kids. Her husband is nice, old, and busy at work\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2142,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/you-cant-judge-others\/","url_meta":{"origin":33230,"position":1},"title":"You can’t judge others!","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 27, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I think you are guilty of this. With all humility, I come to you out of love so that you may stop preaching and standing with an iron fist as one who judges every individual. You cannot condemn people to hell or preach from the pulpit that so-and-so is\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":44749,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/is-god-telling-americans-to-straighten-up\/","url_meta":{"origin":33230,"position":2},"title":"Is God telling Americans to straighten up?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 21, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: There are so many terrible things going on in the world today.\u00a0 I have a friend that is saying God is trying to warn us as Americans that we need to straighten up in this country or\u00a0 God will turn His back on us. What are your views on\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":12686,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/you-are-not-supposed-to-judge-and-you-did\/","url_meta":{"origin":33230,"position":3},"title":"You are not supposed to judge and you did","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"October 4, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: In regards to \"Can a girl get pregnant before her first period?\" I really want to say that by reading this, you can no more tell if this is the person who may have sinned or someone who is uneducated and has a child who has been sinned against.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":32184,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-i-speak-to-my-friends-who-are-homosexuals\/","url_meta":{"origin":33230,"position":4},"title":"How do I speak to my friends who are homosexuals?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"March 17, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, I found your answers on this page very helpful:\u00a0How do I tell someone they are sinning? I'm hoping you can help me speak to several friends I have who are gay. Most of them do not go to church or say that they were shown nothing but hatred\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":17707,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/how-do-we-deal-with-homosexual-family-members\/","url_meta":{"origin":33230,"position":5},"title":"How do we deal with homosexual family members?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"January 3, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My husband's sister is homosexual and is living with a partner. My son's wife is best friends with a homosexual woman who is married to another woman. As a Christian who believes that everything Christ taught and everything the Bible says is true, I know this is wrong. My\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33230","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=33230"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33230\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=33230"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=33230"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=33230"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}