Good evening,<\/p>\n
I have a friend who had sex outside of marriage and she had a child out of it. She feels\u00a0very strongly<\/em> about not wanting the father to be in the child’s life at all because he’s not paying child support, he’s not coming to visit his son as the court advised, and because of the terrible things he has done to her and her family. We were discussing that if she becomes involved with another man and they got married, would it be right in God’s eyes for the husband against his wife’s wishes to tell her son that he’s not his actual father, or let the child believe he’s the father. Also, is it right for her to not want or allow the father to be in the child’s life at all? Could you give me scriptural advice on this matter?<\/p>\n Thank you.<\/p>\n\t Just because a man and woman conceive a child, it doesn’t follow that they will make good parents for the child. Biology has nothing to do with being a father or a mother, other than that most become fathers and mothers through biology.<\/p>\n You make it sound as if it is this woman’s fault that the man she sinned with does not want to be involved in his own child’s life. If the man who was involved in the fornication is not acting as a father should, forcing the issue will not make him more responsible or a good dad for the child. He made his choice and unless he repents of his sins, it is likely best that he isn’t involved in the child’s life.<\/p>\n A small child doesn’t need to know that one or both of his parents did not contribute to his DNA. The child doesn’t care. All a child wants is for someone to love him and care for him. When he is older, he might ask and that would the time to explain. What he needs to know are the facts: his mother made a big mistake in having sex outside of marriage; worse, she did so with a man who was not a good man; and that rather than continue the mistake she sought out a good man to marry and be her child’s father.<\/p>\n It should not be forgotten that our relationship with God is described as one of adoption. “But when the fullness of the time had come, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, that we might receive the adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into your hearts, crying out, “Abba, Father!” Therefore you are no longer a slave but a son, and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ<\/em>” (Galatians 4:4-7). It is a statement of the extra special love that a parent chooses to adopt a child and make him as if he was his own.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Question: Good evening, I have a friend who had sex outside of marriage and she had a child out of it. She feels\u00a0very strongly about not wanting the father to be in the child’s life at all because he’s not paying child support, he’s not coming to visit his son as the court advised, and…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[30,1572,29],"class_list":["post-32053","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-answer","tag-adoption","tag-fornication","tag-parenting"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":38489,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/should-i-just-stop-asking-for-child-support-payments\/","url_meta":{"origin":32053,"position":0},"title":"Should I just stop asking for child support payments?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"April 17, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I\u00a0 am a single mother with a young son. The child's father and I\u00a0 are not on speaking terms. However, I have started growing closer with the Lord and looking at life differently. First, my child is an infant and the issue between his father and I began while\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":7238,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/does-getting-a-girl-pregnant-and-promising-to-marry-her-later-make-us-married\/","url_meta":{"origin":32053,"position":1},"title":"Does getting a girl pregnant and promising to marry her later make us married?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"August 10, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, I was baptized in the Catholic Church. I had a girlfriend, with whom I had dry-humped. Two weeks before having sexual intercourse, I told her that I was thinking about break up with her because I didn't feel we should be together. After a week of sexual intercourse,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":10740,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/should-i-marry-the-girl-i-got-pregnant-or-the-girl-that-i-love\/","url_meta":{"origin":32053,"position":2},"title":"Should I marry the girl I got pregnant or the girl that I love?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"June 28, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Needing some scriptural advice.\u00a0 I got a girl pregnant, or so she claims.\u00a0 I know that was a sin and have sought forgiveness with God.\u00a0 My confusion is here:\u00a0 I don't feel like she's the best Christian woman for me, actually, she and I fight often.\u00a0 I have a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":34282,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/when-my-boyfriend-proposed-to-me-he-said-that-he-had-a-child-when-he-was-a-teenager-if-i-marry-him-will-that-make-me-an-adulteress\/","url_meta":{"origin":32053,"position":3},"title":"When my boyfriend proposed to me, he said that he had a child when he was a teenager. If I marry him, will that make me an adulteress?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"August 2, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hi, We are two people in love and about to marry. He proposed to me but before I gave him an answer, he said, \"I have a child by my ex-girlfriend. It was a mistake. I did it when I was a teenager, but now I love you and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":45450,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/my-fiance-got-a-girl-pregnant-is-on-drugs-is-in-jail-and-lies-what-should-i-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":32053,"position":4},"title":"My fiance got a girl pregnant, is on drugs, is in jail, and lies. What should I do?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"July 6, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: Hello, I need advice. My fiance and I have a son together. He went away to drug rehab but lied to people saying he was in school. He got a 17-year-old girl pregnant, but he doesn't know that I know. He was dating her and once she told him\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":14134,"url":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/i-think-i-have-a-child-with-a-girl-but-she-doesnt-want-me-in-her-life-what-do-i-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":32053,"position":5},"title":"I think I have a child with a girl, but she doesn’t want me in her life. What do I do?","author":"Jeffrey Hamilton","date":"February 5, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I am single and I had a relationship for a year with a girl who lives with her boyfriend. I knew from the beginning that I was doing wrong. She is an atheist, but I believed in God. I always felt guilty. Many times I wanted to stop, but\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Answer"","block_context":{"text":"Answer","link":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/category\/answer\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32053","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=32053"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32053\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=32053"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=32053"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lavistachurchofchrist.org\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=32053"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Answer:<\/h2>\n